i want to not hear that i can use the website yo resolve my issue because i am only calling because the website is unusable trash

Something I can zone out of, and no talking, so when someone does finally answer it'll get my attention again. If you can't/won't staff your call centres appropriately the least you can do is let me do other things while I wait.

Also this thread reminded of this:

I dislike most of the music and if you tell me how much you care you lie to me. If you cared so much you would have employed enough people to answer the phone immediately.

a scream that increases in volume the closer i am to the front of the queue

I like when they tell me to press whatever number and they’ll call me back when it’s my turn

Personally I prefer the default "waiting for someone to pick up"-sound so that I know the call is still active. And if it takes more than a minute, maybe a voice confirming "yeah, this is taking a while" with my position in the queue. Do not:

• Whoever recorded the voice made the right kind of noise to make it sound like someone is answering
• Update me with queue position unless the queue position has actually changed.

That way I can do whatever while waiting, including listening to music of my choice.

My least preferred option is a voice telling me how important my call is, how much they love me, and how they will do anything they can to get to me as fast as possible except from hiring more people to pick up the phone.

Also, did Cisco change their default on-hold music for the first time in decades? I wrote this while on hold at them to have a support ticket resolved.

Music just to let me know I'm still connected. Preferably instrumental, no vocals. And FUCKING STOP coming on every 30sec "your call is important to us..." making me think the agent picked up FFS.

Some kind of non-irritating sound or music without voices to confirm the call hasn’t been disconnected in case I zone out or switch to another task.

My favourite is being on hold for disability benefits when one of my symptoms is sound sensitivity which makes it hard to listen to music and they play shitty music really loud. And then intersperse it with messages that sound like somebody answering the phone but it's just a message to say that I'm on hold (which is useful because I couldn't tell that from the hold music and the fact I wasn't talking to somebody) and that the call volume is unusually high and definitely not like this every day on purpose as a cynical ploy to disincentive people for applying for benefits because you can't apply online where I live. And then they answer and you have a conversation, the whole point of which is to get them to send you a form to fill in online, but the call cuts out half way through and they don't call you back so you have to go through the whole thing again but you can't because the first wait has used up all your spoons for the day. I'm not angry, why d'you ask?

Maybe just the occasional beep would be fine.

I'd like to hear a never ending stream of dad jokes interspersed with "you are number $x in the queue, your estimated wait time is $y"

I'd ideally like to be put in a virtual queue for a callback so I don't have to be constantly paying attention to my phone. I've had this offered a couple of times and it's great, how is that not the standard already??

Music that hasn't been compressed to hell and back.

If the music is interrupted by anything, then that needs to be:

• brief and preferably informative. Queue position is useful; how valuable my call is is not.
• infrequent. I don't need to know my queue position that often, and I don't need to know how important my call is ever.
• clearly not someone picking up my call. Fade the audio out nicely and then immediately start the voice part with no silence, so I don't start listening to see if the talking is a call handler. Ideally, just do this at the end of the song. See above.

Most hold systems play a short piece of music where everything outside of 300-3000Hz has been obliterated so it sounds like absolute ass, interrupt it every 30s or so to play the same pointless speech clip, and initiate that clip with some silence and clicks that sound like someone picking up a phone.

You are currently Caller #5 waiting to speak with a representative. Thank you for your patience...

You are currently Caller #2 waiting to speak with a representative. Thank you for your patience...

3 customers just threw away their phones rather than listen to that.

The sound of someone breathing heavily.

Nothing is the worst option as you don't know if anything is actually happening.

The voice interrupts are annoying as hell more so when trying to direct you away from the call to the web platform that just told me to call because its too complex.

Music or radio is fine. As long as its not Opus No.1 or terrible chip tune.
The best hold music I heared was 2009ish IBM hold music, light jazz with no voice interrupts.

I prefer music, with a wait time update every so often, so I know something is actually happening.

But not the same 20 seconds of music that repeats on a loop. That is probably the worst, second only to the same song being played over and over.

I was on hold once and the music was some pretty solid low effort lounge jazz that cycled through like 12 different but similar songs. It was calm enough to relax to and when the call actually got ansered I found myself missing the chill soundtrack to my day. More places should do it that way.

My second favorite is when it plays about 2 min of shitty music recording and then interrupts to tell me the call is important, but whatever system they have is clearly not handling this well so the quality of both soundbites starts to degrade the longer you're on hold until the music sounds like a dying speaker pressed to a handheld somewhere and the important call voice is unintelligible for every other syllable. Those are so fucking fun because it feels like a genuine horror story moment.

I don't much care about the type of music.

There's this one place I have to queue every now and then that uses some old technology that produces an audible click every time the audio loop starts over, and every time I think somebody picked up.

That sucks.

I'd prefer something that works even when I put the phone aside - so it can be loud, but on the same level as the speaker who then later picks up - and gives me clear markers that either I'm still on hold or that somebody picked up.

The audio/music has to have a continuity to it so that you notice immediately when it ends. Whatever artificial voice speaks to me must not sound like an actual human just picked up.

Unlikely it will ever make it to the people creating these things, but this is my constructive criticism.

This remix of the default Cisco hold music.

A real lesser of multiple evils.

The hold noises I hate the least is classical music. As long as it’s a high enough quality to not become garbled by the phone’s bandwidth.

Definitely music, no matter how bad. I know call centers are intentionally understaffed so I will be waiting a long time (and they hope I’ll give up). Ill be putting my phone down and on speaker: I need something that reminds me the call is still there but is audibly distinct from a voice so I notice when they pick up

Silence with an occasional (60 seconds-ish is fine) soft doot to let me know the call is still connected.

Nothing

Nothing, that way I can listen to my own stuff while I wait.

Low-key music of some sort, with no voice interruption. This way I know the call is still connected, and won't get false positives thinking they've connected me to a person but it's actually just a recording telling me how important my call is.

Some piece of music that doesnt repeat over and over. There is something so passive aggressive about making a person on hold listen to the same song or segment of aong over and over.

Anything but complete silence. I get unnecessarily anxious and worry I've been disconnected and will have to start all over.

Your random piece of useless trivia for the day: If you call Speed Queen (slash Alliance, the laundry machine people) their hold music is the map theme from Chrono Trigger on the SNES, specifically the one from 600 AD. It's obviously a rearrangement rather than the original chiptune, but I can't put my finger on whether or not it's a specific track lifted from OC Remixes, or what. Either way, I'm positive Yasunori Mitsuda isn't getting any royalties for this one.

Don't just take my word for it. Give them a ring.

I would love to hear some exotica music by Martin Denny.

Words of affirmation

90s corporate jazz. Medium volume. Minimal voice information.

If they put on some goldeneye 007 n64 music tracks, it would be perfect.

Wii menu music.

Silence

I don't mind jazz.

Or oldschool Grand Turismo's menu music.

Sometimes if you yell profanities into the phone they bump you up in the queue... Or it makes time go by faster.

The N64 GoldenEye watch theme.

But would it ruin it after a long wait?

Edit: Just started listening to a 30min version. Not ruined.

the screams of the damned

The least awful are the ones that just occasionally say "You are currently number in the queue and your estimated wait time is ."

boy. it really depends on the music and I think the problem is having music that most people will be fine with. I mean I would like music I like but I think the safest music to play that will be the least annoying to the least amount of people is classical music. That being said I like it to interupt it to say informative thing like were you are in the queue.

My city's basic help line has some classical music that sounds slightly sad but also like you're going on an important quest and that really captures the mood of being on hold but making it feel epic.

Alternatively I would go with one of these bangers, they are great to put on in the background of a party

This is the only acceptable answer. https://www.last.fm/music/Michael+Haggins/_/Daybreak