I an laughing but I would also be horrified in this situation.
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One time in college Friend A was going to drive us someplace. She started the car and said, "You ready, baby?"
Friend B in the front seat went, "...yeah?"
Friend A snapped, "I was talking to the car"
Dunno why I still think about that sometimes. Lost touch with those friends years ago.
Maybe it's just me, but any time a friend uses a pet name for their SO in my presence, I feel obligated to respond to it, because it will never not be funny. Like saying "that's what she said."
I knew someone that named their Ford probe "Vic," so it could've been worse...
*sip beer*
I am, now that you're here.
*walk away before it fully registers*
"Cigarette?"
"Sure I'll take one."
"I was talking to the cigarette. Cigarette . . . Prepare to be smoked."

My cat was hiding in a bush near my front door, peeping at me when I got home from work. I call her nasty names like goblin, creature, monster, and fatso all the time because she can't understand me. I said to my cat "Whatchu looking at bitch?" And my neighbour looks up over the fence at me.
My irritating cat that wants to be inside my face violently and aggressively tried to love my face unexpectedly and I uddered, "Why can't you just be nice?". Forgetting my wife was working in the next room. Her sad sounding confused response caught me off guard.
Her knowing how aggressively beezles wants to love my face saved me. https://youtu.be/ng_V-2eAb6g
I was disappointed that the guy didn't drink from the dog bowl, but it was still a good story.
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