You can end up with someone who sees the younger person as easier to manipulate versus someone who's had time to catch onto the bullshit. Not every time, but it happens.

I mean, the kind of guy that wants a relationship with a kid.... seems pretty immature to me

The thing that sucks is every time I tell someone this shit in some circles I get flamed to hell. We need to fucking excise the prudes from the left.

Yeah, I feel like after 30 age gaps in dating aren't even talked about.

I think it's more about life stage than age. Like say she hadn't gone to college and had gotten into the work force at 18, and was now 4 years in to your same industry. You both had the same job, common references, etc. You'd still have some cultural differences but you'd likely be in a much more similar place in your life. It would make more sense then imo. I think a big part of what makes it weird is just how different your lives are. Which is why the same age gap at like 32 and 45 probably wouldn't be a big deal.

I feel like this isn't so much of an age thing actually and more about where you are in life. I started studying relatively late and ended up hanging around with people 5-10 years younger than me, but because we were all students we had something in common and got along well. However, I have very little in common with people my age, they're all getting married and have children and talk about buying houses and so on and I can't relate to any of that.

Yup. When I was younger, it made me mad, I thought older people wrote me off as dumb. Now that I’m older, I understand it’s really just having different needs, goals, and experiences. You can be really smart and wise, have deep comprehension of things around you, but still be out of “sync” with people in different age brackets. It’s not just dating either - friendships, working relationships, time with family members, etc.

It’s not monolithic, just what I’ve noticed.

Yeah, all those are really good points.

I def have a knee-jerk reaction when I see early 20's friends (let's be real: female friends) dating middle aged folks (again, being real, middle aged males) to be wary about the relationship. But intellectually, the conclusion I come to is that its fine.

I do specifically agree that the other people focusing on an age based power imbalance feels like they'd also be calling for you to only date in your income bracket, and then also to only date someone who's as physically fit as you, which then leads to well you should only date someone of your race and/or ethnicity.

Something, something, slippery slope argument. But it is logically comparable.

I'm way smarter than my wife, but she has a stunning EQ where mine is embarrassingly low. It balances out nicely.

Deleted, wrong reply, sry

But yea I agree.

Even the younger one can be the one who has the power over the older one (i.e., gerontophilia). It's not at all unidirectional and monolithic.

If we're going on "can't date people who are statistically easy to trick" then half the population is right out just for being stupid, and then I guess when we get older that means dating is off the table, if phishing and scam calls are any indication.

What are we gonna use "A plane crashed between the border of Canada and America. Where do you bury the survivors?" As a "is this person fuckable" shibboleth?

21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.

Do you think if society was structured differently (i.e pre-adult education was actually deemed useful and allowed people to get job relevant skills) that age range would move down?

The idea that 21-25 are easily tricked by older people rings true but I'm also thinking there's a lot of things about current society that infantilises those people, or rather, gets them to actually act immaturely and see themselves as immature

It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.

And this, folks, is why teachers have "teacher voice" and don't go off-topic during class, tutoring, counselling, etc

You can become a bad influence on accident.

I hung out with the neighbor kid and his friends starting when they were 17 or so and I was 49. Very shortly after they turned out to be wiser than I suspected, able to argue fine points about religion and politics, things I had assumed they'd be clueless about, or more likely parrot their parents.

They weren't vulnerable with me! Maybe because I taught them not to be? But they didn't automatically believe anything out my mouth and would be quick to push back if something I said struck them wrong. Often I was the wrong one! (I understand this is a very different dynamic than in a workplace.) Even if I tried to manipulate them, I bet they would have smiled and later talked among themselves, "See that shit Shalafi was trying to pull about $X?!"

Perhaps they were unusual? I suspect so, but of them and their "peripheral" friends I saw now and again, about half their cohort seemed just like them. Anyway, two are 23 now and counted among my handful of friends.

Tbf at 25 I thought I was an adult and was actually retarded, but I wouldn’t magically say I was so dumb that I needed to be full on treated like a child. If we treated people like children until 25 then they would just be dumbasses from 25-30. Then we would be arguing that dating a 29 year old is “sus”.

Nevermind how many 60 year olds I know that have the maturity of a toddler… Age, maturity, power and independence are completely different issues… You can be with someone your own age that is fully dependent on you. Age isn’t the driving factor…

But people just get all icky at the thought of the age gap…

Hell, I get annoyed when people call teens, particularly latter teens, "children". They're not. We even have a word for that weird in-between stage, "adolescent". "Child" is insulting. My kids are 11 and 13 and the gap in their behavior is spreading wider by the minute. Daughter's very much a child around her brother, but around my wife and I, she's suddenly a changed person.

LOL, even though I know exactly what's happening, it's still weird talking to her about sex and social dynamics. Fortunately I'm almost certain she's a lesbian so won't have to put up with asshole boys and men. Whew!

100 could date a 57 year old. 12 yo a 13 yo but not a 12 yo.

Works perfectly.

I'm 32 and if a 23 year old asked me out I'd say "Aren't you adorable?", pat her head and send her on her way.

That's a college student. Who came up with this math? 😆 It does not compute.

EDIT: This is not a comment on younger people's intelligence, of course. I love how much more progressive and bright the generation after mine is (at least in my country). But yea, I'm much more likely to take someone in their 20s under my wing than out to dinner!

Oh no my friend, 18 is the age of majority, with almost all the rights of an adult. You're talking about the age of consent. In the US, only 10 states peg that at 18, the rest are 16 & 17. And for anyone that finds that particular fact icky, do not for the love of god look at an EU map!

This is the rule. I honestly can't really fault it, it just feels right for so many different ages

EDIT: also go to any comment where someone lists an age gap experience that felt wrong, you'll see that they weren't following the 1/2 age + 7 rule. Not that that's a crime, just that it's a guide to a safe and happy love life

I'm just tired of the non stop infantilization of women. Not to mention the only times I really see people commenting on age gaps, they end up being men.

Fake: Anon has a friend

Gay: the fake friend is a man

Are we doing /j now? Is that meant to tell people it's a joke? If you need to tell people it's a joke it's probably not funny.

It really depends depends on the state. Here in Arizona its 2, because 16 year olds look like adults but 15 year olds don't. In California there is no exception for rape, so two 17 year olds having sex would both be raping each other, although in reality it isn't treated like this.