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[–] 228 points 3 months ago (10 children)

What the therapist doesn’t understand is that the anger is not just about mom dying. It’s about how everyone around this person failed them in a moment of danger, and as a result of that her mom died a horrible death. And even later, her society was collectively unable to acknowledge its behavior and the consequences it had.

I did not lose my mom but I did work in a hospital as a physician throughout the pandemic. I remember the ICU being full from Covid patients to the point that the hospital had to open new sections up and nurses working overtime to accommodate all of the sick. Then I would leave the hospital after providing care to all of these sick and dying people… and go to the grocery store where everyone was refusing to even mask up and I would see ghoulish politicians who were talking about how it was a hoax. I could see this catastrophe happening in front of my own eyes and everyone around me just wanted to pretend it was fake.

I didn’t suffer the loss this woman did but those terrible experiences and the feeling that my community had completely failed its members forever changed how I see people and the society I live in. So yeah, I get why she is still mad.

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  • [–] 89 points 3 months ago

    My wife worked in ICU then COVID ICU. She still gets PTSD flashbacks from everything she dealt with when someone comes in with similar symptoms. I got front row tickets to seeing a person who's entire job is to keep people alive go from "oh someone I had today coded and we couldn't bring them back" every so often to "we had multiple people die today. A few more aren't much longer. If we put them on their back, they'll die. If we give them water, they'll choke and die. They still refuse to believe that COVID is real as they are actively suffering and dying of it".

    Yeah, we get a touch testy when people say it was fake or overblown

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  • [–] 41 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    It bothers me to this day that people thought it was a hoax. A lot of people I knew who thought it was a hoax wound up catching Covid, though none of them were hospitalized over it, which honestly kinda sucks because it means they didn't learn their lesson.

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  • [–] 37 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    One of the doctors I worked with bought into the craziness and was arguing with the hospital about vaccines and masks even as our ICU was about to burst. Then his wife caught it and ended up in the ICU as a patient. He still did not change his mind despite her being in the hospital, and this was a physician.

    I guess what I’m saying is they still probably wouldn’t have learned. I don’t mean to be so pessimistic but propaganda is so powerful.

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  • [–] 32 points 3 months ago

    Michael Shermer said this a long time ago but he said, "Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons."

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  • [–] 23 points 3 months ago

    Found out a few coworkers thought it was a hoax and casually brought up how it not only almost killed me, the guy I caught it from (a vocal antivaxxer!) DID die. I know dozens of people hospitalized and dozens more who suffered. I had jobs canceled because the client died.

    They both worked office (then WFH) jobs during COVID. I worked 55+ hours a week in people's homes and businesses. Who do you think has a better idea of the reality of the situation?

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago

    well, an aunt in-law got it, so did her husband, she was in a coma for like 3 months, he died, she can't use one arm anymore and has a litany of other complications stemming from the ordeal (and the grief). Do you think she learned her lesson? I'll let you guess

    tbf, she can't learn her lesson without realizing / accepting that her (and dead husband's) actions are the reason for all her suffering, for him being dead, they are responsible for their misery, that she played a hand at getting her husband to the grave.

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  • [–] 32 points 3 months ago

    I was routinely being sent to places like Texas to work during the pandemic because they didn't care. It made me so mad being down there and getting made fun of for wearing a mask when where I live, you couldn't go into any building without one.

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  • [–] 29 points 3 months ago

    I worked at a nursing home at that time. So many people died or were impacted, an entire wing got shut down because of how many patients were lost. It then re-opened to be exclusively for Covid patients.

    My grandma died there. I was the last relative to see her alive. The day before she passed, I called all of my aunts/uncles, siblings, and some of my cousins (the ones closest to her) so they could say their goodbyes. As anyone who’s worked with dying patients knows, sometimes people cling on and suffer in a terminal state until they get closure from a relative giving them “permission” to let go. I had to be that person. I told her that it’s okay, that we all love her and we understand. Although she appeared catatonic, right after I said that, a tear rolled down her eye. I think she heard me and understood, though there’s no way to really know. It was a hard day. She passed the next morning.

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  • [–] 13 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Sometime last year, I heard someone say something to the effect of "I think the pandemic had a pretty major effect on all of us," and for a moment I thought "honestly I think I got through it fairly unscathed" because I was only considering my tolerance for the disruption to my life at the time. I was in a financially secure position and had plenty of social contact with friends through online gaming. I never felt any more depressed than normal throughout "quarantine" insofar as we even had one. Got my vaccines. Never tested positive. Didn't lose anyone close to me (to the illness). Overall, I thought I'd made it through pretty alright.

    Then I thought for just a few seconds more and I realized that the pandemic is what caused me to literally give up on humanity. Seeing how little everyone cared about anyone who was actually affected. People making posts online about how it was "fake" when people all over the world were dying. The ones who refused to wear a mask. Such a simple fucking request. Put this cloth over your face for a while and you can help not get people killed, but they still wouldn't do it. I lived in a more rural area at the time, so it took a while for things to get really bad there. I remember thinking "you idiots will change your tune when it's your grandmother dying" and then they just didn't... Their own friends and family dying around them and most just slid further into conspiracy and paranoia.

    The whole experience just fundamentally reshaped what I believe about humans and I don't think anything will ever be able to switch things back. It reminds me of the scene in Terminator where John Connor says "We're not gonna make it are we? People, I mean."

    Just a quiet resignation to the reality that left with nothing more than our own devices and all the resources we'd need to persist until the heat death of the universe, we'll likely end up going extinct due to something completely preventable and probably caused by us. We choose our own destruction.

    I didn't feel this way before covid. I used to believe we'd eventually figure things out. Not anymore.

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  • [–] 53 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (8 children)

    The problem is there's no accountability anywhere. I'm a bit older so for me it's been 9/11, Iraq with WMD lies, Afghanistan Taliban replaced by the Taliban, Arming the Latin Cartels, Panama Papers, COVID, Epstein Files, Bailouts for Wallstreet, there are more for sure but nobody is ever held to account for anything. The bigger the lie the bigger the corruption the more it just gets swept away like nothing happened. It causes you to lose faith in your country and die a little inside each time. So I get it.

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  • [–] 22 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

    Dude I'm older than you, so I remember all that, as well as Iran-Contra, AIDS, Watergate (the last scandal for which there were consequences), Vietnam, My Lai, Nixon, the Arab Oil Embargo, the insane inflation of the 70s, Kent State, a whole bunch of assassinations, the Iran Hostage Situation, and a lot more.

    Imagine over 60 years of seeing your government do all sorts of stupid things, with virtually no consequences at all (except Watergate, a little bit).

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  • [–] 15 points 3 months ago* (4 children)

    The problem isn't anger nearly so much as "What are you going to do with that rage?"

    And the answer seems to be "Go on the internet and type in all caps at other people!" Which... hey, I guess that works. We seem to have a lot of very angry people online and they do seem to be venting their frustration at one another very effectively.

    We also have a growing number of police, military recruits, and paramilitary forces who also spend a bunch of time online working themselves up into terrified rage. And then they get to go out with guns and batons and tear gas to square off against civilians who have been terrified in turn.

    Then we have a congo line of politicians show up to say "Vote for me and I will end the terror!" And then we get an even bigger police and paramilitary state, which maybe gets used to suppress the political opponents some of the time. But mostly just gets used to attack the homeless, round up immigrants, and bomb brown people living abroad. So now the whole world can feel terrified and angry. And we can be terrified and angry of that in turn.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago

    Just speaking for myself (as someone who tends to go online and speak in all caps) I think that is perhaps a better way to deal with my rage at the world than taking it out on other people in the real world, or picking up a gun and shooting at other people in the real world.

    It might annoy the people at whom I am speaking in all caps, but on the other hand at least no innocent bystanders end up with bullet wounds in them.

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  • [–] 51 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    See now I am angry for this person.

    And that seems pretty reasonable.

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  • [–] 42 points 3 months ago (10 children)

    I have two neices. Their mom and dad both said covid wasn't real or it was a government psyop or it was Obama's fault or whatever.

    Then their mom died of covid. Their dad still doesn't think it's real.

    I don't understand it. I got two jabs and wore a mask, and the worst thing that happened to my wife and I throughout the pandemic was a sore spot on our arm for a day. Neither of us has ever had covid, or we had such a mild case that we never noticed. And all we had to do was... take some really basic precautions.

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  • [–] 25 points 3 months ago (6 children)

    but, you see, those basic precautions require having empathy and caring about other people.. and, sadly, the idea of America Exceptionalistic Individualism, has destroyed empathy and the ability to care for anyone outside of yourself in a disgustingly large swathe of the population.

    Which is why they mock, deride, and laugh.. until it affects them, then, and ONLY then, must there be decorum and understanding.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 months ago

    It doesn't even require empathy. It requires an appreciation for basic cause and effect slightly above that of a toddler. Covid denialism is an ego thing. These people made a decision and are so fragile that they would rather deny basic observable reality before admitting they are wrong. "Don't look up" fucking nailed it.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    require having empathy and caring about other people

    Sure, but they also require that you believe what you're seeing on the news.

    I have empathy and care about other people. But, my mom is a conspiracy nut. She goes on rants about chemtrails, or the dangers of fluoride, or 5G, or nanoparticles. I want what's best for her, and I sympathize with her, but I don't believe any of these things are true. So, if she tells me I should change my behaviour because of these conspiracies, I'm not going to do it. The fact I continue to use WiFi doesn't mean I lack empathy or don't care about other people, it means that I don't think her conspiracy theories are correct.

    My mother is (more or less) a person who cares about other people, but she wouldn't put on a mask during COVID because she didn't believe that it was a real disease, and didn't believe that masks worked, and she also did believe conspiracies that masks were dangerous to wear.

    My mother thinks that the mainstream press can't be trusted about anything. Unfortunately, the people she believes are telling the truth are essentially anonymous accounts on some conspiracy forum. Many of them get their news from Newsmax or Infowars or the KGB.

    I think the mainstream press can be trusted about many things, but that they're also in bed with big business and will often uncritically just report what a lot of big companies say without challenging it.

    So, when the mainstream press says there's a pandemic and that we need to adopt certain behaviours to avoid it spreading, I believe it and want to do those things, my mother doesn't. But, when the press says that OpenAI has a new model that's on the verge of being sentient, that broke out of its containment and hacked another site, I think that's an absolute bullshit way of framing what happened.

    It really comes down to how the US has slowly allowed the rich to take control and to warp everything to benefit themselves. Schools are not funded properly, and kids graduate without critical thinking skills. Media is captive to the wealthy interests, and at best is sensationalist and shallow, with talking heads yelling at each-other, or showing helicopter-shots of car chases. At worst, it's outright lies and propaganda favouring one party or one special interest group. And, because the US is such a big force in the world, and such a big source of media, this affects the whole world.

    If people can't agree on a shared set of facts about the world, they can't make rational decisions. So, someone not wearing a mask might mean they lack empathy, or it might mean that they don't believe the news about COVID, or it might mean that they think the story of a major CHEMTRAIL attack that was leaked on the conspiracy forum wasn't actually real.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    I had a lot of fun when people would hassle me about the mask. Id say it was to hide my face from the HillaryObamaSoros facial recognition cameras, and that they were free to give their face away if they wanted.

    It helps if you can figure out how to get through the propoganda to talk to people. Directly pointing out how fucking stupid they are won't work. But making it look silly to their eyes does work. I've recently been able to convince some people in my red state that solar panels are a way to make power that is independent of oil, coal, amd nuclear. That if they get solar panels they will cheat the power company out of their money.

    The best part is pointing out that I can't make a gallon of gasoline, but I can make a kilowatt-hour of electricity with things I have lying around my house and charge my car.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago

    require having empathy and caring about other people

    Sure, but they also require that you believe what you're seeing on the news.

    I have empathy and care about other people. But, my mom is a conspiracy nut. She goes on rants about chemtrails, or the dangers of fluoride, or 5G, or nanoparticles. I want what's best for her, and I sympathize with her, but I don't believe any of these things are true. So, if she tells me I should change my behaviour because of these conspiracies, I'm not going to do it. The fact I continue to use WiFi doesn't mean I lack empathy or don't care about other people, it means that I don't think her conspiracy theories are correct.

    My mother is (more or less) a person who cares about other people, but she wouldn't put on a mask during COVID because she didn't believe that it was a real disease, and didn't believe that masks worked, and she also did believe conspiracies that masks were dangerous to wear.

    My mother thinks that the mainstream press can't be trusted about anything. Unfortunately, the people she believes are telling the truth are essentially anonymous accounts on some conspiracy forum. Many of them get their news from Newsmax or Infowars or the KGB.

    I think the mainstream press can be trusted about many things, but that they're also in bed with big business and will often uncritically just report what a lot of big companies say without challenging it.

    So, when the mainstream press says there's a pandemic and that we need to adopt certain behaviours to avoid it spreading, I believe it and want to do those things, my mother doesn't. But, when the press says that OpenAI has a new model that's on the verge of being sentient, that broke out of its containment and hacked another site, I think that's an absolute bullshit way of framing what happened.

    It really comes down to how the US has slowly allowed the rich to take control and to warp everything to benefit themselves. Schools are not funded properly, and kids graduate without critical thinking skills. Media is captive to the wealthy interests, and at best is sensationalist and shallow, with talking heads yelling at each-other, or showing helicopter-shots of car chases. At worst, it's outright lies and propaganda favouring one party or one special interest group. And, because the US is such a big force in the world, and such a big source of media, this affects the whole world.

    If people can't agree on a shared set of facts about the world, they can't make rational decisions. So, someone not wearing a mask might mean they lack empathy, or it might mean that they don't believe the news about COVID, or it might mean that they think the story of a major CHEMTRAIL attack that was leaked on the conspiracy forum wasn't actually real.

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  • [–] 32 points 3 months ago

    Crazy: The government planned COVID! Me: This government couldn't plan a fucking beer run.

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  • [–] 64 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

    We have to re-normalize anger against injustice.

    Anger is pathologized primarilybecause our entire economic and social order is built of pure, unadulterated injustice, and if you're allowed to be angry at injustices, the entire system might collapse.

    Anyone trivializing or pathologizing anger is spreading the propaganda of the ruling class whether they mean to or not.

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  • [–] 30 points 3 months ago

    I almost died from COVID and now everytime someone talks like that I want the next thing to come out of their mouths be teeth.

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  • [–] 28 points 3 months ago (15 children)

    The worst part about things like this is when you try to have a conversation like this with your average friend/coworker/acquaintance/etc. they're all like, "calm down; you're overreacting". I'm like, "no, fuck you; you're underreacting! People DIED."

    Has anyone else over the age of 35 notice a major shift the past couple of decades regarding how little people care about literally anything? It's like humanity as a whole have turned into emotional zombies. You can't even say hi to strangers in public anymore. They just stare at you like, "who are you and why the fuck are you talking to me"? It's so bizarre compared to how people used to be in the 90s and 2000s. Nobody even wants to make eye contact with anyone anymore, let alone wave as you pass each other down the street. Not unless you're someone they know.

    It's as if people forgot how to communicate with each other outside of the internet... Is it just me? Maybe I just have a bitchy resting face. IDK. But anyway this YT Short perfectly exemplifies exactly want I mean. (Piped link)

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  • [–] 18 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    they’re all like, “calm down; you’re overreacting”. I’m like, “no, fuck you; you’re underreacting! People DIED.”

    Worst part is the response I've gotten from this. "It was just some old people and those that would have died anyway from something else."

    Has anyone else over the age of 35 notice a major shift the past couple of decades regarding how little people care about literally anything?

    Until it impacts them personally, yes. Knew someone who thought covid was a common cold (had relatives with mild symptoms of any), then they caught it and it rocked them. Suddenly it wasn't anything to make fun of anymore. If they didn't have bad symptoms, they still wouldn't care.

    It’s as if people forgot how to communicate with each other outside of the internet… Is it just me?

    Definitely not just you.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    "it was just some old people..."

    This experience has permanently damaged my patience for alleged "human beings". I'm with you on this, on how much it sucked, because my dad was once if those old people. This fucking plague killed him when he could've had at least a decade more to enjoy in life... My mother had just had a stroke and she needed him more than ever right when he got taken away. Now, every time I ever hear about someone dying, the math happens automatically in the back of my mind before I even get to recognize that it's happening:

    Was the person who died at least as good a person as my father?

    Because if not, fuck em.

    I have no patience for the continued existence of anyone who isn't at least as kind, patient, generous, or warm as him. Which means VERY NEARLY every single fucking Republican. If they all died i would feel NOTHING. not even relief. But especially not grief. THEY DID THIS. I have nothing for them but revulsion. There is now a stark cutoff in my perception beyond which absolutely NOTHING matters. Only things that are better than that threshold are worth while. Literally everything else is beneath my attention.

    Anything that is not at least going well enough, beneficially enough, to exist above that threshold, i have no time for. No room for in my perceptual horizon. I am one bad week from writing off all of existence and going out with maximal sabotage.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    My completely unrequested advice: try your best to stay or become the person that those you look up to (including your departed father) would be happy with you becoming. If you feel like you're overly frustrated and about to have a breakdown, do whatever you can to bring yourself back.

    If that means you need to step away and take a vacation into a yurt or cabin in the woods with a Nintendo DS or a friend: do it. Therapy also helps if your insurance can afford it, and if you find the right therapist (most allow you to have a call to assess good fit).

    Hang in there.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago

    What if doing that for decades has resulted in nothing?

    Unfortunately society feels like it's headed to another historical event where the classes have to remind each other what the deal was, likely with violence.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 months ago* (2 children)

    we're turning into homogenised soup. Endless parade of milquetoast pillows with beige opinions and the depth of a puddle. Where is your passion. Where is your rage. "omg u so confrontational" I am human. if you cannot deal with a normal range of human emotions you are fucked

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    You're so negative is what I constantly got from my ex wife. Yeah, the world is fucked, and I feel the need to talk about it.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 month ago

    Oh god, I hear this from my wife as well. And I'm just like, "well, if we weren't all being exploited by the Epstein Class, I wouldn't have any reason to be negtative about anything!"

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    Nobody even wants to make eye contact with anyone anymore

    idk about you but i'm heavily autistic

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  • [–] -3 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    So am I but I still force myself do it because I don't want everyone to think I'm an asshole.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    valid

    i long ago stopped masking for the comfort of neurotypicals. but to each their own

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    Glad that works for you, but I refuse to stop masking because I will die lonely if I don't play along. I don't have any friends, but masking has allowed me to at least stay in a loving relationship for almost a decade bow, and if I lose her, I have nothing.

    You do you, but this mask ain't coming off. It's the only thing keeping me sane.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    I think being overexposed to so many issues around the world is making people numb - especially when they don't know what to do about it.

    (There may be other factors - for example, less densely populated areas being more open because there's more time per person to go around or something like that - but I think overexposure is a big bit of it).

    We need more ways to act rather than just react.

    For example, here's a long Covid research fundraiser link

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  • [–] 28 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    I feel increasingly lost in a world that says it's bad to feel angry, depressed, and anxious all the time when those seem to be perfectly reasonable reactions to things going on around us. To me, it feels less sane to be upbeat and positive.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago

    "If you're conscious you must be depressed, or at least cynical" - MGMT

    If you put an animal in a cage which is too small for it, or where it's mistreated, or where it just lacks any enrichment, you don't diagnose it as insane when it starts slamming its head against walls or pacing back and forth. You recognize that the environment is the problem. Humans are animals too, even though we like to pretend otherwise.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago

    You do need to have some dissonance in order to be happy. The unfortunate truth is that we cannot fix everything going on around the world; we just aren’t equipped to handle such information as often as we do anyway (or so I’ve read). I stopped watching or reading most news and focus on my local communities for the sake of my own sanity, focusing on problems I can actually help with.

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  • [–] 27 points 3 months ago

    @homesweethomeMrL All's I can say is that this person's anger is justified.

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