It's 1992. Your mom just took you through the Dairy Queen drive in after supper. It was 30C today, and it's going to be 35C tomorrow. You're going to go swimming at the local outdoor pool with your mom, little brother, auntie and favourite cousin, tomorrow though. Mom will probably put on that Blue Rodeo tape on the way back. It's not your favorite, but you find yourself waiting for the song hooks.

Life is simple and life is good.

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[–] 148 points 3 months ago (10 children)

Pretty sure this car had more ashtrays than it did safety features too

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  • [–] 59 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    hey if it's in a crash, the CAR's gonna survive. Anyone in it? that's another story...

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  • [–] 10 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    The ashtray is a safety feature.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    How else are you expected to ash your cigarette without causing a fire hazard? Crank the window down?? And exactly how am I supposed to accomplish that when I have my hands juggling 4 tasks already, genius?

    My smoking hand is holding my cig and shifting gears, and my driving hand is steering the car and holding my beer upright without spilling. There's kids in the car, so I need to focus on the task of driving for their safety!

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    My Olds 98 had bench seats and separate lap and shoulder belts. The steel bumpers extended 3 feet under the car. It was 2 1/2 tons of steel. The steering wheel would not collapse under an impact. The car could survive Armageddon. It could plow through lesser cars (because the brakes were bad). But I would end up impaled on the steering column.

    Fit 8 comfortably tho. 7 miles to the gallon...

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  • [–] 67 points 3 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 91 points 3 months ago (11 children)

    You could drunk drive into a brick wall at forty-five miles an hour and the only damage would be yourself smeared all over the inside of it.

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  • [–] 47 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (7 children)

    You'd end up with the steering column through your chest because crumple zones didn't exist. https://youtu.be/fPF4fBGNK0U

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  • [–] 49 points 3 months ago (5 children)

    I think we are saying the same thing.

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  • [–] 16 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    We are. Sorry. It's early and I misread.

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  • [–] 12 points 3 months ago* (3 children)

    It’s like 2pm!

    Damn lazy hippies sleeping all day.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    I had an old Malibu, and I was backing into an alley and a telephone pole was somehow out of my vision. I hit it full force with the rear bumper. Got out and the chrome was still perfect, and no dent in the bumper...but wow what a jolt.

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  • [–] 42 points 3 months ago (7 children)

    Hasn't the weight of cars been increasing? Pick a model and track the curb weight over generations. It seems to be going up.

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  • [+] 18 points 3 months ago (6 children)
  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (5 children)

    Thanks for the input. Is there a model of car we can use to show this trend? I tried doing it with a VW Golf, but that just showed the upward trend.

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  • [+] 11 points 3 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    It's mostly that the old American land yachts are no longer as big. Look at the fifth generation Lincoln Continental vs any after it. Or the 1960s Cadillac Eldorado, a 2.2 ton 2 door car

    European and Asian cars have been trending up in size meanwhile but there have been instances where a new generation model is lighter than the old one due to the materials used.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago*

    What's really jarring is to see the old, American land yachts from back in the day on the road next to the grotesquely-oversized pickup trucks we see everywhere today. They look, well, not exactly small, but nothing at all like the bloated whales in our memories. Heck, my grandfather's Cadillac seemed enormous at 225 inches long (the longest ever production car at the time), but the base model of the Ford F series is now 232 inches.

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    [–] 35 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    It's 1992. Your mom takes you to Dairy Queen in her oldsmobile. She lights up a cigarette. She asks if you want one. You say no. She says stop acting like such a pussy. You take the cigarette. She lights it for you.

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  • [–] 16 points 3 months ago

    1984 LTD Crown Victoria, White with red velour interior. I closed that door (which looks a lot like this door) on my hand and it locked. Mom had already gone inside and there i was screaming bloody murder in the front yard. She eventually came out and unlocked the door and got me out. Somehow it didn't break my hand, probly because children are made of rubber or something. Theres no point to this other than sharing my unlocked PTSD that this image unlocked.

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  • [–] 14 points 3 months ago (5 children)

    It's 1992. Your mom just took you through the Dairy Queen drive in after supper. It was 30C today, and it's going to be 35C tomorrow, but you're an American child in 1992 and have no idea what that means in Freedom Units.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    This is a mild tangent but I learned how to convert celsius to fahrenheit because of a Codename: Kids Next Store episode that I watched once wherein a character says "30c, 30 celsius that's like 80 degrees fahrenheit". Which is honestly not the weirdest thing to learn from but it is my number one.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    This is super convoluted to some people, but its the easiest way for my weird American brain to convert it on the fly:

    1. 2*°C=ans1
    2. ans1—(0.1*ans1)=ans2
    3. ans2—32=°F

    The conversion most sources give you is:

    (9/5)*°C—32=°F

    But I find it easier to break it down into those 3 simple steps. If you're the kind of person who calculates 20% of X in two steps [20%*X=(0.1X)*2], you might also like my weird method of converting °C to °F.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    My method:

    Water freezes at 0°C (about 30°F) and boils at 100°C (about 210°F).

    100°F is about half way between those two numbers on the Fahrenheit scale, but closer to the lower one.

    On the Celsius scale I would describe 40°C the same way.

    100°F ≈ 40°C

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  • [–] 39 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    I'd like to take a moment to dispel some of the claims being made in this comment thread.

    Modern cars are significantly more reliable than older cars by virtually every measurable metric. They are unquestionably more difficult to work on, but they also break down far less often.

    The safety features on modern vehicles are light-years ahead of anything available in the '80s or '90s. Emissions are also dramatically lower than they were back then.

    A lot of people in the comments have already pointed this out.

    That said, older cars were undeniably easier to work on in many respects.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Older cars could survive a wreck while their occupants didn’t. Newer cars are designed to protect the occupants by destroying themselves.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    It's a real Facebook Boomer meme to show a picture of a fifty year old car that's been in a crash with a modern car with the caption "see what we lost they dont make them like they used to?" but totally ignoring that the people in the BeigeWagon were turned into lasagna while the passengers of the Wokemobile will complete their journey with bruises and a taxi.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    IDK why (I mean I guess cause he was a good teacher) but our drivers ed teacher taught us about crumple zones and all other sorts of things, there were 8 weeks of classroom instruction in high school whether you were planning on driving or not.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago

    Older cars also looked nicer. Yes our cars are better, and I will probably never own a classic car. The Chevrolet Bel Air looks way better than any car built in the last 10 years, and it's a metal death trap.

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  • [–] 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Hey man I had a 1967 Plymouth Newport that had to have 454 engine just haul the car around. Fucker was tank on wheels.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Suckers to the side
    I know you hate
    my 98!!!
    YOU GONNA GET YOURS!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShfZ0kNqJM

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    And it smelled like 20-year-old cigarette smoke

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  • [–] 5 points 3 months ago

    Looks like the door to the Cadillac sitting in my dad’s garage. Things heavy af

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    You're in the middle of death valley in a heat wave.

    It's hotter than Venus outside.

    Your mom turns the AC on low.

    The 17.4L V8 Gas Guzzler super-extra-big-block engine bogs an imperceptible amount

    The weapons grade CFCs—now banned by the Geneva convention—form icicles on your eyebrows in seconds.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    One of the weird problems car guys ran into in the 1990's was cars with non-functional R12 A/C. If you had one that had lost it's gas, that was it unless you could find someone's forgotten stash of white cylinders or wanted to circulate high pressure propane in front of and around an internal combustion engine.

    Nowadays it's easy enough to change it over to R134a.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    If you closed that shit hard enough the ground would shake.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    And it probably still works

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    They sell "fucking cars" now?

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    If you're not even 50 yet and already falling into nostalgia traps seek help.

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  • [–] [S] 15 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    I don't need help. I need a systemic revamp of our political and financial systems, and for terrible things to happen to billionaires.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    You will most likely need help making those things happen.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    My buddy got one of these handed down to him and this is no lie.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    The average new car weighs more than the famously heavy Oldsmobile 98.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    My step-uncle had one of these. He almost never pulled it out and certainly would not have let icecream anywhere near the thing.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

    Cars are super fat anymore so I'll bet my VWs golfs door weighs at least as much.

    For reference in 1996 I was hit in my 88 Jetta by an 83 Caprice classic stationwagon, she was going 55 I was doing 45 and hit me head on. I could open the door to my car she had to be cut out.

    My parents wrote both VW in Germany and VW USA thanking them for building a good car and got a shit ton of swag

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    I've literally taken apart my Golf's doors a half dozen times (Various electrical issues and part replacements). Mk5 mind you not mk1/2 like your Jetta probably was, but they are shockingly light. Like 1mm thin sheet metal molded into a reinforcing shape, the latch motor is by far the heaviest thing in there.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)

    My 2019 Golf Alltrack weighs 2800 pounds according to the States of Florida, and 3240 pounds with me in it on the scale at the drag strip.

    A '94 caprice weighs about 4000 pounds and it is a BoF car.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago

    I can assure you, little of it is from the doors. My 2007 Audi A6 allroad is 4300 pounds empty according to its birth certificate and the doors on it don't weigh much at all... Or rather they didn't till I added noise absorption mats when I replaced the door locks. Yours is newer but a Golf would likely have less built in noise insulation in the doors than an A6 and it might even have aluminium doors since it's newer. Mine are still steel, but the metal is pretty thin.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    I drive electric.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    Do the red and white courtesy lights work when you open the door? The mirror control, joystick, was cool too.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago

    The 1992 Oldsmobile Cutlass cruiser had a curb weight of almost 4,500 lb. Compare that to my Subaru WRX, which is fairly heavy for a modern car and has a curb weight of less than 3,500 lb...

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