Resume by Dorothy Parker.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

There are not many ways to kill one's self that don't usually end up a botched suicide attempt. Pills are a painful and horrible way to go.

I'm a postmortem scientist and one of the scariest things I learned in college, was that only 85% of gun suicide attempts were successful. The other 15% survive and nearly all have brain damage. I only know of 2 painless ways to commit suicide, that don't destroy the body's appearance, so they can still have funeral visitation.