fuck I'm not in the right headspace when I'm asking this, unresolved trauma. Now I'm repeating in my head "love them more than my mental illnesses".

I wanted to warn an organization i cared about my past and that manipulation comes naturally to me to the point where I don't notice after the fact. I legit want see them succeeded and stand in blind solidarity.

I have reached out someone in the organization about my issues. I'm hoping they respond.

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[–] 65 points 5 months ago (8 children)

Probably a question that should be discussed with a therapist. I dont think people here can give a good answer as we lack to much context.

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  • [–] 9 points 5 months ago* (7 children)

    yes, but this is also a straight up troll.

    legit narcissists don't think they are manipulating people, or being narcissists. they see their behavior as 'natural'. they also don't talk about their trauma.

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  • [–] 13 points 5 months ago

    There’s plenty of narcissists that know they’re narcissists, and there’s therapy tools to help them participate in the world in a more healthy manner, but as you sorta indicated, it’s very rare any want to, and even more rare than any actively go down that path, so seeing someone speaking as if they’re struggling with it internally without seeing any sign of having already developed those tools makes it highly unlikely they’re legit. Probably just regular old mental illness of some sort, maybe attention seeking coupled with drug use and emotional instability. Wonder if they’re single, that’s right up my alley.

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  • [–] 7 points 5 months ago (5 children)

    Weird how often I see this take. Narcissism is really Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and it is possible for someone with NPD to recognize they have it and want to change. Not super common, but it is possible.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

    Yep, although it'd be pretty surprising if it went like this. OP is straight up worried they're being bad to others, and willing to invite embarrassment by announcing it. (Unless they never really meant it)

    Like, amateur over-the-internet diagnosis is worthless, but BPD would fit the almost no information we have better.

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  • [–] 0 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    is possible for someone with NPD to recognize they have it and want to change.

    at this point they are ceased being a narcissist.

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  • [–] 16 points 5 months ago

    If you wish to address these behaviors you need to speak with a therapist. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's like a workout for your brain. We really can't help you. I wish you well. It's possible to change and better yourself, but only if you truly wish to.

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  • [–] 16 points 5 months ago (6 children)
  • [–] [S] 3 points 5 months ago (5 children)

    that's noted. but i need reasons, i have to process the logic behind the answer

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  • [–] 15 points 5 months ago* (4 children)

    I mean, the logic behind the answer is right there in the question itself. If you’re trying to be honest person because you respect this place, and it’s people, which it seems you are-

    Telling them it’s in your nature to deceive is definitely a way to protect them. Even if it’s from you yourself.

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  • [–] [S] 6 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    okay, okay, i get it. thanks for sharing ill reread it when I sober up.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago* (2 children)

    Hey man best of luck bettering yourself. I respect it.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    Thanks for saying that. Some of these other users are frustrating

    Btw I got good sleep

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago*

    Good sleep is important, especially after a night of introspection. It's not a couple of days thing, it takes months to change a single habit. Keep at it and youll turn around in no time and think "i used to be like that"

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  • [–] 9 points 5 months ago* (1 child)

    You might have mental health issues, but I kind of doubt you have those ones just from the basic context.

    I'm going to say no. Try to be nice, let people figure out the rest. And look for some kind of support if possible.

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  • [–] 9 points 5 months ago (15 children)

    Have you been diagnosed as such by a psychiatrist?

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago* (2 children)

    Yeah, something else seems to be going on. A narcissist doesn't consider warning people about themselves.

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago* (1 child)

    I was gonna say something like this.

    Narcissists have a very hard time accepting they're narcissists.

    If you think "hmm, I might be a narcissist" you're almost certainly not.

    But you might be a hypochondriac or have Munchausens

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (11 children)

    well a guy claiming to by a psychiatrist said i wasnt a psychopath but instead a sadist and dipped. and i think i got diagnosed as that kind of depression where you don't feel as high of swings

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    Do you mean bipolar 2? Depression isn't really known for having highs at all.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (1 child)

    oh no you can feel different levels of shit for sure, you can have suicidal thoughts then it stops... I don't know psychology all that well. manipulation is more intuitive for me. i mean that as more context for what i actually mean

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago

    That doesn't necessarily mean psychopathy or narcissism in a clinical sense. Being manipulative is sometimes a coping mechanism people learn from their parents.

    I highly suggest seeing a therapist to figure it out.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (7 children)

    What do you mean by them claiming to be a psychiatrist? If you saw them in a professional capacity (i.e. office visit, whether in person or virtual, that insurance paid for, at least in part) then yes, they were a licensed psychiatrist. If it was some random person online, then it's doubtful

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  • [–] [S] -1 points 5 months ago (6 children)

    weird when I get drilled for a claim someone made. the context is that its apocryphal. they said they worked with psychopaths in a psych ward i think (memmories fuzzy but its in one of my lemmy accounts). I actually do agree with him and it caused a little self reflection

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  • [–] 8 points 5 months ago (5 children)

    So, no, you haven't had a professional evaluation? Internet comments are not a diagnosis

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  • [–] [S] -2 points 5 months ago (4 children)

    So are you a dick to everyone that admits they're not in the right headspace or just me. I admit I'm a manipulative narcissist that can make people like you feel shitty. I already pointed out in the past that Lemmy users are mentally ill and need to confront their issues.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    I'm speaking objectively, I'm not criticizing you. Your emotional and defensive response says more about you than me. I encourage you to step back and look at what was said again.

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  • [–] [S] 0 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    No i actually putting the idea in your head that you're bringing demanding and toxic in your head.

    I had another guy ask me how I was sexually assaulted and their first thought was to ask if dry humping was penetration...

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  • [+] 16 points 5 months ago (16 children)
  • [–] [S] 6 points 5 months ago (14 children)

    I've been working on myself and trying to be a better person. I've seen the beauty of nature and see how the entire history biosphere has made me and the bacteria i rely on and the food i eat. i learned to love every living thing because i can use them to influence events well beyond my death. I should learn to love other people because they're the most capable species

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  • [+] 7 points 5 months ago* (2 children)
  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (1 child)

    I've done that in the past. and i work on absolutely destroying ego's for my amusement. it's my favorite hobby

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago (11 children)

    It doesn’t sound like narcissism (from my own experience with narcissistic people). It sounds more like you are having some sort of episode. I’d strongly, strongly suggest getting in touch with a professional. I genuinely hope you are okay.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 months ago* (10 children)

    yeah. agreed. this is someone going through something, and drawing an intense and overly corrective conclusion. perhaps from a over developed sense of shame or guilt that has lead them to this conclusion.

    or perhaps they were in a relationship with a narcissist and that person has manipulated them into being their are the narcissist... and need to warn others about it... that is something a narcisst would do to someone else!

    i once had a relationship with a very unwell person, who tried to convince me of my own mental illness, which was a projection of their own. this person was also a practicing therapist... and i never realized how horrible it all was until a like 2 years later i saw therapist who pointed out to me how this fucked up and horrible this person really was and how unprofessional it was. esp because they basically like went down the dsm 5 and kept trying to convince me i had SOMETHING.

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  • [–] [S] 0 points 5 months ago (9 children)

    Man reading your evaluation of me is interesting. Mostly just a shot in the dark damn they really wanted to practice psychology, do see other narcissist have a hard time hiding their narcissism from other people, I probably have a subtle aura around me

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago* (8 children)

    No, you're just dumb and delusional and full of yourself.

    That's not narcissism, it's you being an average person. Most people think they have magical auras. They are wrong.

    and your here on the internet, trying to bias-confirm yourself about how special and unique and amazing you are. just like everyone else.

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  • [–] [S] 0 points 5 months ago (7 children)

    ... I'm not calling the "subtle aura" magical, it's just short hand for how my demeanor hints at my narcissism 😑

    Love the hostility I'm getting and the finger wagging I'm getting.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (6 children)

    all of which means you're not a narcissistic dude.

    narcissists don't enjoy finger wagging and hostility. they hate it and they fly into a rage when it's done to them.

    why is it that you want so badly to be a narcissist? because it will give you a excuse to justify something shitty you did to folks?

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago

    If someone is a narcissist that believes themself better than others, why would they give a shit about hostility and finger wagging from others? If anything, it would prove that the other person is losing their cool and is therefore inferior to the narcissist.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (4 children)

    You're a little narcissist. You're relentlessly gas lighting. Trying to convince me I'm wrong.

    I enjoy hostility from others because I can undermine the hostile people, make them crash out, and they can't do shit other than get called out for playing the victim.

    If someone is nice or neutral to me then I have to deal with the guilt that I'm manipulated and attacking their ego

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago* (3 children)

    you have no idea wtf you are talking about.

    you're clearly just trolling, and just defined what being a troll is.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (2 children)

    Yeah seen that before. Narcissist want to believe I'm being insincere to protect their ego. I'm trolling or rage baiting.

    But if you believe I have no idea what I'm talking about then you don't need my approval

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago (1 child)

    this entire thread you admitted many times to seek emotional gratification from other people.

    you just keep contradicting yourself... and seem to see nothing wrong with this. OK.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago

    Like the word emotional gratification? Or are you referring to be a narcissist and that I trying to control people to meet my ends.

    I'll share this with you. People will still treat you like a shitty person even as you start out working on yourself, you're gonna have to really fucking suffer, then on top of that put even more work on top of that. It's not gonna be easy or even gratifying for a while, if you put in the work, you'll make connections with people.

    When your suffering starts to drop then you'll know your on the right track

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  • [–] 7 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    Are you really narcissistic or did someone just say you are (rhetorical question for yourself, not the internet)?

    If you really are, congratulations, knowing and admitting is a huge thing!

    Listen to the other advice, ask a professional.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    I feel like you're the first to sincerely ask that. I can answer that I just have a trigger warning about it. Even though the other threads hint to how I know outside of a professional diagnosis

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    It's a neurodivergent thing, I often ask and say things outside of social habits. Also I don't need the answer nor does it mean anything to me to be blunt, uh, again.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 5 months ago

    Okay I got ya. Nah I have an hole issue with communication. I don't want problems to get overlooked or needless mistakes to be made.

    Probably neurodivergent myself since I can't quite connect to another person

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  • [–] 6 points 5 months ago* (2 children)

    Are you manipulating us right now in order to get some answer you want?

    As people said, talk to a therapist. Is this normal behavior or thought patterns? Maybe you’re going through some sort of crisis or psychosis.

    Reach out to a professional for help. Good luck!

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  • [–] [S] -1 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    yes actually im intentionally making you all curious so that yall will listen and to help me process old trauma. yeah i plan these things in advance and i use a manipulation tactic to bring people together

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago*

    That seems kind of antisocial and would get a lot of attention, so yeah, win-win!

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  • [–] 4 points 5 months ago (9 children)

    if you truly are a narcissist, they will know after 2-3 talks with you. no worries.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 5 months ago (8 children)

    Well if I was a shitty narcissist, but people are catching on that I'm shitty to MAGA and conservatives in general.

    You know shitty behavior is still shitty behavior

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (7 children)

    I consider being shitty to MAGAts good behaviour

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 5 months ago (6 children)

    Lol they attempt to be toxic like me. I'm just waaaaay more toxic than them

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago (3 children)

    Yeah people will definitely be able to tell you’re a narcissist, so no worries ig

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (2 children)

    Lol are you actually a cult leader, but if they know I'm a narcissist then I shouldn't feel the need to disclose.

    Kinda feel like an injured animal being dog piles by other mentally ill people

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  • [+] 3 points 5 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] [S] 0 points 5 months ago

    if i can get it right sounds like this is a way to broach the subject. my reaction is that i can tolerate a lot, generally I can manipute people without lying and my simply moving erratically, talking about all the acts of charity I do. i do meal shares, i go to city council meeting out of blind faith in class solidarity, and I contribute to the members of the organization without asking anything in return. i can make myself look super freaking awesome and rub it in peoples face. also i set up all those things as trap for anyone that wants to attack me to get utterly humiliated.

    best way for me to articulate that in my state

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    Why not just talk to a professional?

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    There is no point in telling them. They either already know or will find out once they meet you.

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  • [+] 2 points 5 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] [S] 0 points 5 months ago

    im malicious to people i think deserve it. I dont have to pegged as a gennerally malitious (was gonna say narcissist, but your no where close to that), id say you're a generally mentally healthy person, few flaws I can tug at (it would be petty to tug at them). I tell IDF solider that I hate them that they're awful human beings and i hope that i hurt them emotionally, i love making people that advocate war crimes realize theyre the villian and crash out, and i openly told my maga neighbor that zohran mamdani is doing a good job to mess with him an hour ago.

    the issue is I'm basically predatory against societies worst.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    I just want to say that this level of self reflection is admirable given your challenges. Tell people you trust or people that need to know only. As far as stigma goes, nobody has it worse.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago

    until you realize trump is president, but the behavior is permissible just not labeling yourself as a narcissist. society does have rules that only exist to isolate us and hostility towards those that are mentally ill is one of them

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago

    Being aware of your unwanted behaviour is the first step towards modifying it. Good luck!

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago

    If you are and you admit it, you’ll get more grace from intelligent people. Sometimes.

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago (3 children)

    What a deeply worrying post.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 5 months ago (2 children)

    Yeah from my end there's no one who can relate to me.

    I'm exercising and gonna try to eat vitamins and unprocessed foods.

    I'm also telling another person that Im concerned for them.

    I'm not gonna give into toxic behavior

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