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[–] 236 points 7 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 114 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    Man fuck this holiday 😂

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  • [–] 16 points 7 months ago

    It quieted down a good bit - used to be every site had their own gag.

    After the 2016 election it was quietly decided that we had been fucked with enough, and didn't need to spend EXTRA time reading something online that we couldn't possibly accept as being true.

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  • [–] 101 points 7 months ago (6 children)

    I wish you warm pillows and icy bathroom floors

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  • [+] 20 points 7 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)
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    [–] 60 points 7 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 39 points 7 months ago

    Damnit... I hate you so much right now.

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  • [–] 37 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

    Fuck you. Up your nose with a rubber hose

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  • [–] 32 points 7 months ago (12 children)

    I hope you go pee in the toilet pull up your pants or put your dong back in your pants and then some pee comes out of your private part that was left inside of said private part and leaks in your pants while at your workplace so you have to be wet for awhile in your crotch area.

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  • [–] 11 points 7 months ago (8 children)

    This happens to me a lot. Do you think it's a curse like this or should like see a doctor maybe?

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  • [–] 7 points 7 months ago (4 children)
  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    I’d like to add I hope your coffee spills on your breakfast on your way to work and you don’t have time to get another breakfast or coffee.

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago

    I don't drink coffee, my breakfast is usually a meal replacement shake, and I work from home on most days. I wonder what long series of extremely improbable events would have to happen for me to end up owning any coffee at all and then somehow having it end up in my shaker bottle while I'm on route from the kitchen to my office.

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  • [–] 31 points 7 months ago

    Haha top tier shit post.

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  • [–] 26 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    You made me say "WHAT THE FUCK, NO!" in a meeting.

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  • [–] 26 points 7 months ago

    May the inside of your ear always itch. Just past the bend.

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  • [–] 26 points 7 months ago

    I audibly gasped 🖕

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  • [–] 25 points 7 months ago
    [–] 22 points 7 months ago

    He looks good for his age.

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  • [–] 22 points 7 months ago

    Immediately thought he must be dead. I was just saying to my partner how awesome the JP music is while we watched whatever the new piece of crap (but entertaining) thing was. Great music. Some of the best.

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  • [–] 21 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Don't fucking scare me like that!

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  • [–] 17 points 7 months ago

    Ah, may he rest in sheets.

    I mean everyone needs a good sleep, especially at such age

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  • [–] 12 points 7 months ago

    Okay you finally got me you motherfuck, proud of you ❤️

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  • [–] 23 points 7 months ago
    [–] 11 points 7 months ago

    I have but one updoot to give. Fucking brilliant 👏

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  • [–] 10 points 7 months ago

    Literally made my heart jump.

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  • [–] 9 points 7 months ago

    Fuck you

    You got an actual GASP out of me on this post.

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  • [–] 9 points 7 months ago (2 children)

    Unrelated, but I just learnt that Dick van Dyke is 100 years old as of last December and still kicking.

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  • [–] 7 points 7 months ago

    La concha de tu madre...

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  • [–] 6 points 7 months ago

    Pretty asshole post, ngl

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  • [–] 5 points 7 months ago

    Almost had my heart drop out my ass reading this.

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  • [–] 5 points 7 months ago
    [–] 5 points 7 months ago

    He's decomposing

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  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 4 points 7 months ago
    [–] 3 points 7 months ago

    Fuck thee profligate scum.

    Ave True to Caesar.

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago
    [–] 1 point 7 months ago

    I'm tired of looking at old man nussy.

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago

    🎶Bum bum bum ba na nump bum🎶

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  • [–] 6 points 7 months ago (1 child)