Pay my taxes and not rape children.

Turn myself in to a millionaire

Basically spend it all making militant resistance cells around the United States, enable them to operate independently via sourcing cnc machines, 3D printers, and hobbyist electronics, then provide financial incentives to targeting other billionaires' assets or persons and/or hate groups and right wing think tanks.

This will continue until I'm arrested, run out of funds, or succeed.

....then I'd buy a sammich.

What I do would be redacted here, but when I am done there would be no more billionaires.

He'd probably wonder why I was in his house

Hit snooze.

99M in a trust fund for me, my immediate family, extended family and friends. We would live relatively modest and give generously.

901M would go to a wide assortment of charities and causes:

• Fund my local foodbank for the next 50 years. Perhaps even a dynasty trust.
• Tackle youth unemployment and unmet community needs through investing in non-market solutions. E.g. build greenhouses with raised beds in urban brownfield and greenfield property, hire local people to grow resilient local foods and donate them throughout the community. Some local old age homes had some complaints about food quality and budget and they wanted things like fresh ripe tomatoes. I'd given them 3 seasons worth for free and pay for the equipment, labour, insurance out of pocket. Local youth could get high school credits, jobs not just gardening, but designing and improve closed ag systems, plumbing, deep winter greenhouse design and engineering, logistics, everything. Good experience and spending money. Maybe turn into a market career for some.

Build a few multiplexes as high quality PassiveHousePlus and operate as self funded charity built and operated using only local labour for womans & homeless shelters

I have a few friends in social services and I guarenfuckentee a shitload of orphans and foster kids and poor kids supervised by children services would get new toys, clothes, shoes, bedding, pillows, christmas presents from a bad ass santa, art supplies, comic books, tuition, books, enrichment activity fees and more. Some have this through foster parents and public systems. Way too many don't.

I can't help everyone and even this money won't last long, but Imma go out swinging hard.

It depends on which billionaire I’m supposedly waking up. Sounds like a shitty job though.

Buy up all the media outlets, especially Fox, and ACTUALLY turn them into progressive propaganda outlets.

Once actual progressives are in power, Lobby for government with the teeth to break up my big media empire monopoly and prevent a new one from forming.

Make a trust in each state to have local news outlets with good journalists.

Fund something to help find and stomp out propaganda bot/slave centers in other countries.

Lobby to regulate the fuck out of AI to stop its use as a programmable propaganda slop machine.

Hire people to clean the house. White house.

First thing?

Probably buy my wife something nice.

Next, I would love to upgrade and spoil the homeless shelter behind my work. I always fantasize about being able to afford food, socks and blankets to distribute.

First selfish thing? Build a new computer.

Probably fuck some kids to blend in

/s

I'd take my family and leave behind the shithole that is the United States. God, I hate it here because of Republicans.

First thing? Probably panic. Second thing? Probably try to wake myself up. Third thing? Probably try to find some rational way that I just got isekai’ed as a billionaire.

After it finally sank in, I’d probably consider lobbying for things before I lose touch with where I used to be. Right to repair, universal healthcare, UBI, etc…

Turn my country the fuck around so that public servants represent people and decisions are made to improve the lives of people.

Lots of folks would get their debt paid off.

Lots of folks would get fed real good.

Lots of folks would get seed money to make their thing or do their art/thing/whatever

Lots of folks would get to do some sick drugs.

Etc.

I’d just spend it all until I spread the wealth around.

Guillotine myself. I can't let myself be a hypocrite lol

I'd quit my job, buy a small house for my partner and I and give enough to my family that they wouldn't have to worry about money again.

With the rest, I'd set up a trust that donates 1% per year in microgrants to free software maintainers who apply to it. Similar to NLnet, but with no strings attached beyond continuing to maintain the project.

Then, with all my free time, I'd also work on free software.

Destroy capitalism by out competing everyone.

Cocaine then a sub to check out Titanic. Pretty standard, really.

Pee.

I'd lobby politicians into bombing Israel, I think they need a turn.

I'm not a fan of cannibalism, but I guess waking up a billionaire would make for a good breakfast opportunity.

Well if he woke up obviously the first stab didn't kill him so I'd stab him again.

Two thousand girls at the same time.

Hire a fukn lawyer D:

Call a tax lawyer/pay taxes, call a financial planner, and figure out what other calls I'd need to make to set up and fund a couple of charities.

Get me, my family, and my friends the fuck out of the US

I'd shut the fuck up. Pay off my house and maybe add an addition to where I'm at. Same with some relatives. Fix my Subaru the way I want it, buy a catterham.

Start buying people's debt for pennies on the dollar and cancelling it.

Probably yell WOOHOO.

Next is quit my job.

A new off-grid house. We have a lot of power outages here every winter.

An older used car (I want nothing to do with a new car which are basically rolling spyware).

Start helping the worse off in my area such as the homeless and those living below the poverty line.

Put him to sleep agai, with a brick.

get up

Begin process of leaving the USA.

Same as I do every morning. A big mug of coffee and a big shit.

No amount of money would change that.

Leave the US for a country that hasn't turned into a dictatorship yet.

Buy a house far far away and leave this cesspool I currently call home.

1. Buy the house for my kids I’ve been saving for
2. Set us all a reasonable allowance and a rainy day fund so we never have to worry
3. Find a way to donate the majority to underserved families of children with disabilities

If i woke up a billionaire, I would tell him to pay some taxes to avoid the guillotine in a couple years.

Take biggest loan(s) and sell everything I own. Buy big storage space with wall full of leaf blowers and blow the money for the rest of my life.

I would invest it. Every year, I would withdraw the profits, so that my net worth stayed approximately the same.

I would throw an event in a different city each year.

I would get that money ("earned" from doing nothing more than investing it) IN CASH.

All the cash would be loaded up in a plane and dropped in a public place. It would be a spectacle. No advertising needed, word of mouth and social media would be more than enough.

At each event, I would remind people that the money dropping from the sky is merely the crumbs from a single billionaire. Money that I did not earn. Money that was taken from the fruits of their labor and added to my stock portfolio.

I would ask them to imagine how much more money billionaires are hoarding. I would then bid them a fond farewell until next year.

Oh, and also, maybe a nice condo in southeast Asia. Thailand, maybe. Somewhere chill and fairly inexpensive. Not because I deserve a nicer place, but because fuckyouallI'mrichbitchstillnotatotaldickheadthough.

Take a day off?

These comments prove billionaires are hoarders with a mental illness. Nobody here is looking to make more billions.

Finally sleep in.

Get the fuck out of this country

I'd probably put an entire university worth of professors on payroll, along with an army of neurodivergence specialists to make it so I could actually make use of them. If I had functionally infinite money I could become so fucking gigabrain. The saving the world stuff should go without saying since we are all ensouled beings unlike the ghoulish husks who actually have billions of dollars.