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Anon blows his dad's mind (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 8 months ago by to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 81 points 8 months ago (13 children)

talk to him about non-nippulous topics, like football, or canned beer (do NOT mention draft)

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  • [–] 54 points 8 months ago (6 children)

    Or, say "hey how are your nipples" and when he says "what" you reply "what" too, to play with his mind. Then he will question wether the first nipple conversation even happened

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  • [–] 39 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (5 children)

    I can get behind full-on nipple torturing someone’s dad. Constantly mispronounce words- refer to nickels as nipples as you pay for small items. Talking about your city should involve at least occasionally saying something to the effect of “I’m a big fan of this areola, but that one’s been sucked dry by greedy housing developers.”

    Maybe cut the nipples out of your shirts. Definitely cut the nipples out of his shirts. Ask him whether he’s cold, glance down, and then adjust the thermostat without waiting to hear his answer.

    Change your lock screen photo to a cropped version of this. Replace your light fixtures with boob lights and ask him to help tighten the nipples. “Just give them a twist, I’m begging you.” Serve him Vietnamese milk melons daily. In fact, every meal or snack has to involve dairy or dairy alternative milks.

    Yeah, I think I could get this guy’s dad to cry within 2 days. 3 if he’s vegan.

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    • [–] 107 points 8 months ago (2 children)

    I've got nipples, Greg, can you milk me?

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    • [–] 45 points 8 months ago

    I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?

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    [–] 44 points 8 months ago

    I know someone who this actually happened to! They're a vet and some woman came in saying her male cat had bugs stuck to him. When told they were nipples this woman literally said the same thing. 🤦‍♂️

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    [–] 36 points 8 months ago*

    Anon, both you and your dad are probably autistic.

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    [–] 34 points 8 months ago (11 children)

    Just wait till he learns that the clitoris is a micro penis and that those folds women have, are the prelude to testicles.

    We are all sexless creatures that could go either way and depending on the sperm, we become man or woman.

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  • [–] 20 points 8 months ago (9 children)

    I'd say the penis is an engorged clit. But I guess it's a perspective thing.

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  • [–] 15 points 8 months ago* (5 children)

    Your perspective is more correct, because it starts out tiny and gets bigger. Clitoris is the default.

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  • [–] 18 points 8 months ago (4 children)

    when does it get bigger? almost 40years and I'm still waiting

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  • [–] 1 point 8 months ago

    I’d say the penis is an engorged clit. But I guess it’s a perspective thing.

    Probably a better way to look at it - barring specific hormonal triggers the parts that develop into genitals develop female structures by default. It's why people with CAIS always appear female regardless of genes unless you do some imaging and notice their "ovaries" look off.

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    • [–] 30 points 8 months ago (7 children)

    Men can lactate, just in case you were wondering:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_lactation

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  • [–] 12 points 8 months ago

    Yeah, I always hate when people ask why men have nipples.

    Its so you can fucking breast feed, Greg! Just cause you aren't doesnt make them useless, your body wanted the option, your shame about not taking advantage of that has nothing on biology.

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  • [–] 11 points 8 months ago (2 children)
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  • [–] 4 points 8 months ago

    My mind was blown by this tidbit... TIL. Newborn babies of both sexes can occasionally produce milk. This is called neonatal milk (also as "witch's milk") and not considered male lactation.

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    • [–] 24 points 8 months ago* (4 children)

    Do male mice have nipples? Why?

    That was my take-home open-book exam from a somewhat eccentric developmental biology professor back when I was in college. I remember that the answer is no (although they still have mammary tissue and can get breast cancer) but not why.

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    • [–] 104 points 8 months ago (9 children)

    In case anyone was wondering: they're there in case you change your mind later on and want to transition. God left them there as a backup.

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  • [–] 41 points 8 months ago (8 children)

    That was awfully nice of him, but then why does he always he sew up the vagina too? Kind of a dick move.

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  • [–] 13 points 8 months ago* (3 children)

    him

    he

    Ahem.. are we assuming something?! Think about it.. if God made us in their image, God is a hermaphrodite with a split personality disorder. Thus males and females. This is basic stuff.

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  • [–] 4 points 8 months ago (1 child)

    I have a friend who is a vicar, and she tends to use They/Them for God, which I find interesting.

    I also met a few people who use different pronouns for the Holy Trinity. She/Her tends to be either the Holy Spirit or the Father (the Father being She/Her seemed odd to me, but this person felt quite strongly that the Holy Spirit was They/Them, and that Jesus was He/Him).

    They/Them tends to be used for either the Holy Spirit or Jesus (Jesus says "I am He" at one point, and the argument here is that this isn't Jesus saying his pronouns are He/Him, but rather that "He" refers to the entity who made Jesus — I.e. God).

    He/Him tends to be used for Jesus or the Father.

    Even amongst people who don't use pronouns other than He/Him for the Christian God or one of God's aspects, I've heard quite a few people argue that He/Him != he/him (and that They/Them != they/them etc.) and thus God uses neopronouns.

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  • [–] 3 points 8 months ago

    I always tend to use 'they' when the gender is unknown. I read it somewhere long ago and thought.. wait.. why is this plural? And learned it is a gender neutral pronoun. I refer to everyone I don't know as 'they' now. God is more of an 'it' in my mind, but that's beside the point.

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