“I cleared bandwidth to lead a higher impact project”

No, don’t say that! Say “I hurkledurked the dooper bobble.” It means exactly the same thing (nothing,) but using the business jargon of the 2030s so you stay ahead of the trend.

Executive turned executive coach = They got fired and couldn't find a job, so now they say their a coach and try to scam people with useless advice.

Lol @ #4

That can quickly lead to “Why are you overstepping/ignoring your duties to go over management’s head? We have a chain of command you need to respect” then get you targeted and creatively fired.

#7 lol

Don’t say: “I quit”

why? Quitting demonstrates that you are not passionate about your role

Say: “I exist to serve the company”

Why does the illustrated woman on the list look like the stonks meme?

Don't say: "Please don't fuck me."

Say: "Sure , but get it in real deep and don't use lube."

There's a few weird bullet points in there (the fact that it tells you you shouldn't be happy to be where you're at being one 🙄), but, all in all, I wouldn't call qualify this as "LinkedIn lunacy" for once.

You have no business leading a team if you say things like "this is not my job" on the regular and deflect responsibility and lack direction more generally.

❌ Don't say: 'I don't want a promotion'.

❔Why: you do want to work more for a proportionally small salary increase.

✅ Say: 'I will be pleased to eat shit now both ways for a couple more dollars'.

I work for an international company that locally clears 20-35 million year with 20 employees. They asked me to help them move hundreds of thousands of dollars in inventory in the warehouse while we switch buildings. I said, "That ain't me, dude."

1: Oh my God I'm such an idiot! All this time I've been doing my actual job when I should have ignored it in favour of doing stuff I'm not certified, qualified, or supposed to do! Right. Starting tomorrow, I'll only do stuff I'm not supposed to be doing. I'm sure to get a promotion now!

Good work gets rewarded with more work

this is how you know she bullshits through life and %100 replaceable with an LLM

I can personally attest that managers don't appreciate #3. One time I came up with a way to stack twice as many sliced cheeses on a shelf at my old deli job. My boss insisted that I follow procedure, while acknowledging that my suggestion would be more efficient. They don't want you to think outside the box, even if it would benefit the company.

Grade A brainrot

These institutions that mold people into psychopaths are how we decided to structure our society

Don't say: truth Instead say: lie

Also work yourself to death for our profits

I'd rather masturbate with barbed wire than say any of that garbage.

Classic.

In our world there are two dichotomies.
A is aware of the flaws in the system. B is blind to it.
S says the self is the problem. W says the world is the problem. This woman is from the shitty quadrant, aware that hiring and promotion are handled in bad ways, but then saying 'Oh, man, the boss is demanding sexual favors before he'll promote you? Wow, so, are you practising your deep throat technique with your dildo or are you really showing you want it by spending money on a sextrapreneur to practice on?' with the implication being absolutely nothing can be done other than just either becoming a lying sack of crap and pretending to support the bad behaviour or actually wholeheartedly supporting the bad behaviour.

Steph seems mentally disabled. Not the first PHD I've met who couldn't live outside a classroom.

Me, who is actively avoiding getting promoted to management: write that down, write that down!

Kneel and lick the boot!

Now that I think about it, it makes more sense to apply for promotion instead of asking for one. I don't think the companies I've been in do the old way of jerking off managers to get promotion. Or maybe I'm just lucky.

I think most are completely misunderstanding the point being made. None of these are changing the meaning of what is said, they are changing the verbiage.

Instead of saying “I don’t have time” you’re saying “I took on a more important task, so don’t have bandwidth to do the task you’re talking about”.

This isn’t “work more complain less” it’s “use business talk against them”.

I smell genAI in the text...

Not only she want people to use a pompus language to show off but her advice are bad. The number 3 is the only good one, given that you actually know how to improve the process and haven't simply made change to it to suit your taste or convenience. Number 4 may apply in some situation.

At which point you lick the boots of the employer? Loool