Good morning. How are you?

Fine, and you?

Technically that was two lies because I did not care how they were doing.

"Good morning"

The morning had, in fact, not been properly evaluated and I could at the time not fully judge whether it was "good" or not. It was definitely cold though, but I did not want to say "cold morning" as that is not one of the expected greetings.

The morning turned out "good" after a full evaluation, so I fortunately did not have to go back and apologize for any misinformation.

« I understand » to my conspiracist friend

"How was your Christmas break?"

"Good."

My sister asked me if I thought her infant/my niece was cute. I said yeah.

All babies are fugly and gross annoying blobs.

"Yeah, I'm doing okay."

Told my cat he was a good boy five minutes ago that is a very questionable statement at the very least.

“Everything will be okay”

No, I don’t know where your chocolate buttons are.

(I ate them earlier in a moment of weakness)

"I love you, mom"

(what I really mean: "Please don't abandon me, I still have separation anxiety issues because of your emotional neglect/abuse")

"I crashed my car while I was learning, too, it all turned out alright" to a kid who had just had a collision outside my house with a parked car (not mine). He seemed to be taking it pretty hard. I was in a collision while I was learning to drive, but the lie was that I was at fault, when in fact I had been rear-ended by a distracted driver. Also, my car was written off, so "turned out alright" is subjective. I'm an open car-hater, and frequent attendee of the fuckcars communities here on Lemmy, but I'm not so proud as to not put that on-hold for a teen going through Baby's First Car Accident.

Yeah, I'm going to keep working here.

Today my friend's gf challenged me to an arm wrestling match to prove to her friend that she was as strong as a man now. She's started doing karate a few months ago and she never stops talking about it. She's super proud of the results she achieved. Anyway, they asked me because I happened to be closest guy in the friend group to her. I thought it was a joke and so I put out my arm while barely applying any pressure, but she was taking it seriously. She was clenching her teeth and holding her breath, and her face started turning red. I felt nothing... but I felt really bad for her and didn't want to humiliate her in front of her friend so I pretended to struggle and lost.

Diabetic. Told my wife I was at 134... More like 334.

Most recent white lie: probably something I said not to hurt another person (cute baby/you did great/how could he/etc).

Most recent indecent lie (to save my own ass/to defame or to hurt somebody/etc): I have never tried drugs.

One of my kids left a piece of candy corn for the tooth fairy last night, hoping to fool them into leaving money for the "tooth".

So I pretended to be astounded when he found a note from the tooth fairy this morning, saying essentially "nice try!" in my wife's left-handed handwriting :p He did get a penny out of it, though!

I definitely did not accidentally break my ArchLinux (BTW) install for some time because I failed to read the wiki entry for grub when switching from systemd-boot.

Totally didn't happen.

I never lie.

I lied about my bonus this year to a girl I started talking to on Tinder because I fucked up and accidentally told her the real number, which is much higher than normal.

I can't tell yet

"I've never told a lie."

"Living the dream."

Nice try DHS

My wife asked how many different games I'm regularly playing each day.

I am going to finish Retropo on that model today. Ahahah. I might have to do it all again :))