You'd love Japan

Yeah, in the 1950s you were a big tough guy if you wore all leather and had tattoos.

Now you might be a tough biker dude, sure, or you might be a power bottom with a kink.

I think you're imagining this as a more conscious process than it actually is. The reason you need to go out and research this is because these men aren't going around saying, "yeah, I was going to put my pepsi can in the metal recycling but I was worried my bro would call me gay so I just put it in the general waste." Instead, sometimes men put pepsi cans in general waste, and sometimes men do things due to social perceptions, and sometimes those social perceptions are that certain things are "unmanly" and working out which things are related to each other is quite hard.

So there's no paradox here. All people are subject to social pressures, and the vast majority of people make some effort to conform to those pressures in order to fit in and to receive approval from the people they value. Conforming to fit in isn't "weak" or "insecure", it's the nature of being a social animal, and is done instinctively - if you think it's done "obsessively" then you're imposing the analytical mindset of someone studying the evidence on the subjects of the research, which is a fundamental error. It'd be like saying someone who subconsciously mirrors the mannerisms of someone they respect is "obsessed" with getting their approval, when they likely don't realise they're doing it.

Also, I feel like they’ve never considered that gay doesn’t necessarily mean effeminate. Or even that effeminate doesn’t necessarily mean weak/meek.

They almost certainly haven't because, again, if you're "considering" it, it's not the right concept. The concept that people are trying to avoid is the one that's labeled "gay" by their peers, which is really more of a gender thing than a sexuality thing; "what are you, gay?" isn't a question about someone's sexuality, it's a suggestion that someone is not conforming to the gender role expected of them. You can't successfully challenge that by saying "ackshually gay people can be v strong and they forget to put the pepsi can in the correct bin far more often than you might imagine." They'll just reply with, "OK bro sounds pretty gay," because you didn't challenge them on what they meant, only on what you thought they meant.

The challenge has to be more along the lines of creating a better awareness of societal expectations, tolerance of people who don't conform to them, and building up positive associations between behaviours we want to promote and conforming things people already value, to help them see things in a new light.

Takes balls to be unmanly.

This is all subconscious shit that marketers have to deal with. There's a good article about it here. What bothers me is not knowing what unconscious biases like this that I have.

One thing that I do is randomly select varieties of things that I buy (wrt color, scent, etc.) I can't think of a time that I've ever regretted doing that.

I am convinced that there is legitimately a genetic cognitive deficit which makes people think this way, because it is just so obvious and transparent to me that it can't be an accident.

Whenever I hear a homophobe in real life start talking about gays, I usually just say "Since I'm not gay, I don't mentally think about what other men do in bed or with their dicks, but you do you". Sounds better in my language, I'm sure you can make it sound more punchy

It also makes you more appealing to women but the men don’t know that because Joe Rogan won’t invite a woman on his podcast to talk about it

Fellas, is it gay to ingest external stimuli to guide your personal decision making framework?

At very least, giving a shit makes you "woke" and the intent is the same as when they use gay as a slur (at least as far as i can follow their logic)

Yep. Pathetic worthless dumbfucks. Normal men do not even think about such things.

Who said that? Show yourself!

Must have been the wind...

Lol, meanwhile the bisexuals don't want to be perceived as gay because it's cutting their dating potential in half. Is that fear, because it's so self serving, worse or better than the homophobic reason of the straights?

Your username screams "perceive me!"

How homosexual of you.

That doesn't sound great at all.

Yep, which is why homophobes talk about (man on man) anal sex waaaaay more than gay men.

Exactly

Oh 100%. I'm doing my part by using this giant Ikea bag I have. Big pride bag. Able to carry an ENORMOUS amount of stuff while being a giant rainbow across the whole thing. Me and my former best friend went to Ikea and bought one when she got a Blahaj and I got a Blavingaad and whatever the Octopus is called. I lovingly refer to the bag as my Baggot. The Whale is called 'Gay Perry' and the octopus is 'Ficus'. I love me some Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Inasmuch as these people have a "fragile ego", you probably also have a fragile ego. Virtually everyone subconsciously adapts their behaviour to gain the approval of other people whom they value.

The difference between you and them is not that you have a strong ego and are confident in your masculinity, it's that you don't value the views of people who judge people on that basis. And that is certainly no bad thing, but it's a fundamental difference, and making this error makes it very hard to understand people who are different from you.

I drive an EV, use my e bike to shop, carry my own bags both bike and car, and have a portable collapsible basket for shopping if I use my car. No one has ever asked if or suggested that I'm gay.

In fact, I see more people assuming I have kids (I have none).

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

Yeah, damn.

I've met a handful of straight men who were not afraid to be perceived as gay and humorously played along. They were usually the coolest guys in the room. Hell, the confidence alone made them more attractive, but I don't go there.