My first thought exactly

I have a red state relative who is a big sports fan and names their children after sports equipment manufacturers.

Having a girl in a red state? You are legally required to end it in "lynn," "leigh," "ly" or "ley".

Specifically ethnicities that tend to have bigger families too.

Three Catholics that used to pump up blue numbers are all conservatives now.

The top red girl's name is Hattie.

My oldest son, Stetson, was picking on his youngest brother, Resistol, until the two middle children, Akubra and Master Hatters of Texas stepped in.

Hey now... It was also a Cologne at some point.

You mean Oackleiygh

Moshe is a Jewish name, Kohen is a fake Jewish name for Christian zionists, Baylor is a Christian college with a football team popular with gambling addicts.

In the Bible the oak of righteousness will not bend, and no matter how many Olive Gardens she's banned from Oaklynn will never bend from knowing that she wants to see the manager and you're a slur.

Moshe is a traditional Hebrew name. It's probably pretty much 100% NY and maybe a little NJ. That's likely why it's only 3% red when the rest of the most skewed names still have more than 20% in the minority.

It's weird white people that live in townhomes giving their kids names they think sound Appalachian or folksy.

These aren't necessarily popular names. They're the most skewed ones (presumably above a threshold, otherwise there would be a lot of names where there was only one baby).

It's probably because it's a traditional Jewish name. It's just Hebrew for Mary.

I wonder if I'm going to live long enough to see Gladys and Eustice and Eugene and such like that come back. When I'm 70 meet some teenager named Plutis.

not yet. but don't you worry, they will.

You'd be correct

Baylor sounds like a low level boss that you have to fight to finish the tutorial.

It's going to be a hard life for a lot of innocent boys after their parents effectively tattooed "punch me, I'm a douchebag" on them.

Edit: Clarified "innocent," obviously the parents are the issue.

I assume it's just an alternate (i.e. made up) spelling of Gunnar which is a Scandinavian name. I knew I guy named Gunnar once.

They're riffing off of traditional masculine naming conventions. Gunner is associated with the traditional male role of aggressor (compare, Hunter, Victor, Dominic), and is also a job (compare, Carter, Taylor, Mason).

Honestly, I think it'll age better than Baylor or Kyson.

Conservatives are not broadly known for their creativity.

On the other hand, Baylor, Tripp, Briggs, Hattie, Gracelynn, and Wrenly sound amazing

Gunner is 100% a common dog's name, often given to gun dogs. I feel sorry for those kids.

Imagine your statement, but change red to blue.

Would that be okay to say?

There's no Stratton entry but I'm sure Briggs & Stratton inspired the 'Briggs' entry at least partially

That really is fascinating. That's too consistent to be a fluke.

In Britain they tend to count the variant spellings as different names - I’ve worked places with so many Mohammeds they went by their middle names.

Was it between that and McLovin?

I wish that was all the negative consequences it lead to, instead of well... *gestures broadly*

What gets me is that Cohen shows up twice for republican boys (that last name is like Smith for Jewish people)

Jews : We're calling our child by the traditional Jewish name of Moishe

Repubs : The old testament kicks ass, I'm going to name my kid Methusullah

I don't think the reds know that Cohen is a Jewish name.

And isn't Stetson a fucking hat?