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[–] 61 points 10 hours ago (3 children)

All get off scot-free, maybe one or two resign before 2028 to take jobs somewhere in the fascist grift circuit.

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  • [–] 18 points 9 hours ago (1 child)

    President Newsom gives full pardons, saying "now is not the time for division".

    2033, they're back in power.

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  • [–] 5 points 9 hours ago

    That's a bit cynical, I'm sure some corrupt politician's secretary's cousin's dog will receive a suspended sentence that is later overturned on appeal, and the prosecutor in the case summarily executed in February 2033.

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  • [–] 23 points 10 hours ago* (2 children)
    • Hegseth: tries to cut a deal, but ends up in prison
    • Miller: flees country to either Russia or Israel
    • RFK Jr: cuts deal
    • Vance: cuts deal (and fucks a couch to console himself)
    • Don Jr: cuts deal
    • Bovino: dies in shoot-out vs Feds
    • Patel: tries to cut deal but fucks it up and ends up in prison
    • Rubio: cuts deal
    • Big Balls: cuts deal
    • Natalie: commits suicide in bunker after Trump doesn't show up to join her

    Some additional ones:

    • Loomer: prison
    • Oz: cuts deal
    • Lutnik: cuts a really bad deal
    • Bessent: cuts a bad deal (that's slightly better than Lutnik's deal)
    • Bondi: cuts deal but dies of cancer in the process
    • Blanche: tries to cut a deal but falls and flees country
    • Gabbard: flees country to Russia
    • Noem: cuts deal and murders a puppy out of frustration
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  • [–] 21 points 10 hours ago

    None of them will need to cut deals and they'll stay right where they are, that's my bet. Hope I end up wrong

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  • [–] 17 points 7 hours ago

    Democrats are so fucking soft all of these crooks will be fine. Even Trump won't get impeached. We just get to live through the same cycle of two shit parties ruining the world.

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  • [–] 13 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

    I have the bus hitting Patel and Bovino, and the rest of these folks getting blanket pardons.

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  • [–] 9 points 9 hours ago

    Elon should be on this list. I know a squealer when I see one

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  • [–] 7 points 10 hours ago (1 child)

    They all cut a deal to shit on the next one BUT the other snitch on them something that it’s not part of the deal SO they all do 6 months of house arrest.

    If we’re lucky someone get Luigi after that

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  • [–] 4 points 7 hours ago

    Every single one of them is a vile piece of shit and there is only one choice, the guillotine for all of them, they are irredeemable and don't deserve any chance to escape.

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  • [–] 3 points 10 hours ago* (2 children)

    So many fuckers missing from that list, first of which the other Trump nepo-baby.

    The only one I feel slightly sorry for is Natalie Harp: she's probably more a basket case than a real fascist. But who knows...

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  • [–] [S] 6 points 10 hours ago (1 child)

    The funny part is how Trump (sr) isn’t on that list cause no one is even gonna pretend he’ll be held accountable for anything.

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  • [–] 3 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

    You may as well remove "prison" from all of them.

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  • [–] 5 points 7 hours ago (1 child)
    • Hegseth: pardon for war crimes, prison, then back to Fox News

    • Miller: murders his wife after his promotion, gets a pardon, dies in a bunker like his hero instead of surrendering to police

    • RFK Jr: trades on his family name, takes a deal, a few years in club fed where he dies from raw milk but everyone treats it like a big conspiracy

    • Vance: tries to leave the party, tries to make a deal, writes a "tell-all", stabbed by a methed up magat for betraying trump while shopping for a new chaise longe

    • Don Jr: flees the country

    • Bovino: prison

    • Patel: represents himself at trial, prison, tries to bribe a guard, more prison, Fox News contract until a sex scandal

    • Rubio: flees to become viceroy of Venezuela but dies there at the hands of Venezuelan military coup

    • Big Balls: tries to snitch, gets blamed for all Musk crimes, dies in prison under mysterious circumstances leaving an email confession for impersonating Elon in all matters including the Epstein stuff

    • Natalie: light prison followed by Fox News but quickly ages out and is replaced

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  • [–] 2 points 10 hours ago

    What if Drowsy Don just pardons them all?

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  • [–] 2 points 2 hours ago

    Don Jr should flee the country and go to Ohio

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  • [–] 2 points 9 hours ago

    How about an option for "shot"?

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  • [–] 4 points 10 hours ago* (1 child)

    You’re missing an hero and “faces no consequences whatsoever due to systemic failures”

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  • My votes. Nothing is going to happen to RFK due to his level of incompetence, they would have trouble proving he was negligent and misinforming the public

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  • [–] 1 point 7 hours ago

    Saving this

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  • [–] 1 point 1 hour ago

    When in doubt on this multiple choice test, always choose A.

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