I don't know what kind of life or experience you've lead to have this kind of repressed and frightened mindset. Gooner communities are a little weird but that's about it. Sexuality isn't a bad thing at all, although the addiction and amount of time spent you mention indicate that it might interfere with other parts of your life.

No one is out to get you, even if some image got shared with you of someone slightly underage and you didn't realize it.

I'm more concerned with how hard you are on yourself and how negatively you portray yourself given the relatively benign details. What makes you feel evil? That's the part that's wild to me.

Hi there, kinky furry here whose been going through similar feelings of guilt. A lot of the guilt comes from the purity fascism that is unfortunately spreading across the west.

For many years I’ve been addicted to porn

"Porn addition" isn't really a thing. Well, it's a thing in the same sense that "video game addiction" or "TV addiction" is a thing, but it's not intrinsically a kind of addiction like alcohol or drugs. A good way to check for addiction is to ask yourself "have I cancelled plans with friends/work because of this" or "is this getting in the way of me taking care of myself". I think the "normal amount" is jacking off once a day, so several hours a day every day is a bit much. But all that tells me is that you free time to find other hobbies. Of course, no harm in coming home after a long stressful day of work and wanting to strip down and be a puppy for a few hours.

To keep it brief: There was some sharing of some pretty wild things. Things that even people who are on the kinky side of things may raise their eyebrows at. But never illegal. Never involving anything age related. Always concensual.

If other people raise their eyebrows at it, then that's their problem. As long as all people involved give explicit, informed consent (children and animals can't give consent), it's fine. You seem to have a working knowledge of consent, so that probably puts you in the top 50% of kinksters...

All that said, I would feel gross with myself after the fact. And I would wish that I didn’t like that sort of stuff.

It's the effect of hormones, I'm afraid. When doing anything sexual, your body is being flooded with all sorts of hormones. When you finish, those hormones settle down and your guilt and anxiety manages to get its foothold back and latch onto the "bad" things you just did.

Just the possibility that at some point there may have been someone who wasnt.

You did your due diligence (or relied on others to do their due diligence), don't worry about it.

And then even the content itself has me worried. Like I’m about to be called out or caught for it.

Yeah, I get that a lot myself. It's all due to this fucking purity fascism thing going on around now. That any deviation from the norm is bad and harmful. I wish I had some solutions, but the only advice I can give is to be aware of it and let facts guide you rather than guilt.

I kept thinking to myself “is that me? Am I like that?” I can’t think of a single time I did what these people did. But still I’m thinking “Oh no, why do I feel like that’s me?”.

Can you identify why what they are doing is wrong and not do whatever that is? If so, then you have nothing to worry about. Again, guilt and anxiety. I get the same.

I feel evil.

In the past society felt gays were evil. That left handed people were evil. That non-Christians were evil. That people from other countries were evil. It's a tactic from those in power to create fear and compliance in their people. Being kinky isn't evil. Watching porn isn't evil. You've just let the anxiety demons grab hold and mess with your way of thinking.

It took me a long time to figure this out but - would you judge a friend for having kinks? If it was someone else, not you, who was into whatever this is, would you treat them how you are treating yourself?

Think of yourself as a friend, don't judge. If you aren't wanting something truly non consensual, don't judge yourself. Enjoy what you enjoy, you probably are not the only one who does.

Now - having said all that, I'm assuming that you really do enjoy what you enjoy. There are situations where you get sort of dragged along by an algorithm, not something coming from your own desire. In that case sure, maybe de-escalate some and see if you get more enjoyment that way. But still, don't judge. You did not build that algorithm.

If you are being fully honest about your conduct, then there's nothing to worry about. If you worry about your computer camera and your privacy, then just put a little Magic Tape over the lense. The frost effect allows for privacy while still allowing for light to go through.

Don't kink shame yourself.

You seem to have some sex shame related to what you want sexually. Nothing wrong with having hangups about that since it's pretty common. Nothing wrong with having kinks even those that are out of the mainstream or even dark. As long as you find a place or person(s) that they can be done safely and consensually nothing wrong with that.

Some current research suggest that kinks have an inborn characteristic similar to sexual orientation. This inborn part does then attaches to some cultural symbols or stimulus.

So relax about what you like and find a way to get it healthy in you life. Sex made you and is more powerful than you. The number of people who have been brought down by ignoring this fact is innumerable. I would recommend reading and listening to Dan Savage. Hearing about other sex positive people's life and problems can give you some perspective.

Sex is wierd. I mean even plain jane missionary style. If you think about it without the horniness its like. How could anyone enjoy this?