Realistically though JD sports is to a sports shop what Curries is to a PC store.

Sure they sell trainers but their selection is strictly fashion related, if you want actual quality you're better off going literally anywhere else, even Clarks.

I need you to do the subtitles when I watch British shows.

Unsolicited peer review time...

browsing in JD Sports (sports shop)

*trainer shop, let's be realistic

from the "curry club" menu

The Thursday specials, to be specific.

called Callum

*Calum

Brethren (an old fashioned way of referring to a friend you consider a brother)

This comes from Jamaican Patois, it's not just a memetic imitation of Early Modern English.

No further notes.

You've translated but original question of what a cheeky Nandos is remains. So cheeky translates to naughty? And naughty is a type of Nandos food? Is there non-naughty Nandos? Or are they eating it in a naughty way? Or is Nandos somehow naughtier than curry from Wetherspoons?

Dam, I really thought naughty nandos was day drinking (or drinking at a otherwise less than appropriate time).

What the hell does this say

I think the big point of confusion is why it's cheeky to go to this restaurant.

Wizard.

Basically yeah

It's a quick in-and-out kebab place. You're not necessarily getting a normal meal, youre just popping in for a quick bite of chicken

Cheeky = playfully naughty more or less

I feel like it’s one of those things where as a native speaker you really should be able to understand it but if you’re ESL it’s fucking nightmare zone of slang and strong accents.

Are you a southerner by any chance? Do you call it a bap, a roll? I've heard it called 'the spoons' when I was in Manchester (I'm French though, sorry about it. Proof: 'squiwwel')

Haven't stepped foot in one since 2016, with one exception where I went for a piss and run, can't say being there brought back fond memories, bit depressing if anything.

... but there's only one spoons in their locality

mate 'struth eh? One arvo your pissing around with your mates at JB browsing heaps and you might fancy a durry and flat white from HJs but ol' mate Dazza who's a shitcunt and the PM of piss-takes will be like 'bruz let's have a cheeky nandos" and you'll reckon "Mad. Let's fang it"

This has been a thing on British-speaking dating app profiles for at least 10 years to the point that I absolutely hate it now.

Hmm. Maybe the quote came first. There's a lot more hits for it than for the story.

Archbishop of Canterbury, but "banter" instead of "Canter" because he's good at banter

Cuz he’s an absolute ledge, brevs.

I'm British, let me do you the honour:

"Gesib, hit is earfoð þæt to secgenne. Hƿilum þū eart mid þīnum ƿinuman ƿandigende beforan JD’s ceapstōre, and þū miht ƿilnian þæs cires-clybbe æt þǣm Spōnum, ac þīn gefera Calum – þæt is ānhoga and hlāford beþēahte drycra – þæt ealdor of Banterbury, ƿill secgan: 'Brōðras, ƿuton gān to þǣm scēadan Nando’s.' And þū ƿilt secgan: 'Þæt is tōp! ƿuton hit tōsmiþian!'"

I had trouble with the references to JD, 'Spoons, and Nandos because I'm not familiar with UK retail and restaurant chains.

I love peri peri chicken but Nando’s is among the worst I’ve had. I don’t understand it, either.

The last time I was at a Nando's I thought to try my hand at mild flirting, it somehow worked and the lady seemed interested, however before I could get her number I started getting extreme abdominal cramps and spent half the visit on the toilet... Praying to every god I could think of.

She said she'd like to see me again. I never went back. It's just not worth it... Good chicken though.