I ate the onion.

The Onion coming in hot today.

Honestly the worst part is that I had to tell myself that this isn't real. The US isn't that far gone (yet).

Ate the onion. Fuck.

ICEIS

When that's the bar for satire; only fun times ahead...

Gavin “Neville Chamberlain” Newsom.

Dumass has an entire name for a nickname.

The onion better chill dude, don't speak it into truth.

I gobbled the onion.

I am uncomfortable with this one because its a non-zero chance.

I ate the onion real hard for a moment there.

Notable that this is how extreme they have to be to differ from reality

ICEIS

You almost got me

The onion got the memo that their articles were being too realistic, thank you for readjusting.

I swear, for a second I thought it was real, just like "huh, guess that's not impossible 🤷‍♂️"

I was actually more surprised this was the onion and not real. O.o

I love that in the midst of the gallows humor, they still managed to make fun of his hair.

Republicans are literally falling into the lowest one can be.

What would be the music track they use?

I cant wait for the first liveleak video starring a gestapo agent. Could be gunfire. Could be chainsaw. Could be waterboarding. I don't care. I need it. And I'm touching myself to it.

And he'll still say "peaceful protests only guys"

"Soon™"