Aren’t farts just the ghosts of the things we eat?

I did this in an elevator at college on my way up to pick up girls for lunch. But took the stairwell on the way down while they took the elevator. I ran down to see their reaction as they got off. They looked like I did leaving the gas chamber in basic training.

The moment when pros arrive and tell you "This smell is not human"

Plant based protein powders are fantastic and more people should use them.

I farted with my kid's dog under the blanket. She woke up, jumped off the bed and projectile vomited on the wall and carpet.

Worth it.

Related story -- at one of my jobs they had a kind of screwup trophy - a large can of Budweiser Beer and Clamato Juice. This was, and might still be, an actual product made of beer, tomato juice and clam juice. It was awarded when somebody screwed up, to be displayed proudly until someone else earned it. One Friday night the janitor accidentally knocked it on the floor, apparently cracking the seam at the rim of the can, and the entire contents slowly leaked into the carpet, where it festered all weekend.

No doubt a delicious beverage when new, this trophy had been in use for several years and was well past its best-by date. Monday morning the whole building was like a colossal science experiment gone horribly wrong. Employees were sent home and a hazmat team suited up and went in. Once they located the problem they cut out a couple square yards of carpeting, cleaned the area, and it took all day for giant fans to clear out the stench.

epilog: having learned their lesson, the team immediately continued the tradition with a new can.

One time my dad farted at the store and he could not escape it. The fart followed him around the entire store.

One time I crop dusted an aisle and it was so bad even to me I had to get out of there. It could have peeled paint off the walls. Half a minute later I heard someone rather loudly proclaim, "Oh my God! It smells like somebody shit their pants!" from the next aisle over. I wish I could remember what I ate because I had a winner that day.

At my work, we have a protocol which includes eliminating farts before taking drastic measures. Basically, where is the smell, can we find the source, do sprays or fans clear it.

Stairwells seem notoriously underventilated. Toots seem to linger excessively. Hallways with a brisk walking pace are better for difussion of the stank.

Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.

I once was going to work and it rained or smth so my shoes had some mud, i tried my best at cleaning them before gettin in but some mud must've remained so i walked in, and after a while i had to take some documents and i had to walk on a carpet, some mud got stuck on the carpet, after some hours our boss noticed it and it looked like rat's poop (it dried down a little) so they called a company to understand where the rats were and set traps around the office and some other bs

I probably make the company lose money and i feel very guilty cuz it was managed by only 2/3 people and we were less than 10 people 😭

well, at least the office will be cleaner and better maintained now

Perfect opportunity to say "Jeez, Doris, isn't that a lot of trouble to go through, just to deny you farted? He who smelt it, dealt it, y'know?"

Sounds like your facilities guys are dumb as all hell. Let it air out a day before you start claiming it's dead rats ya turds

Go to Taco bell for lunch today.

Nice.

Lost any gerbils or hamsters in the last year or so?

Farts are the ghosts of animals you have eaten.

This includes aphids, tiny spiders, and bacteria on veggies, for those of the vegetarian or vegan persuasion.

I was too lazy to cook dinner so I just ate 1 pound of strawberries and then I farted like 20 times in the span of an hour. Some were smellier than others.

I had two boiled eggs in my lunch once, farted in the office and the deputy head of the department flipped her shit.

Get the courage to admit your crime and save your company money or do the right thing and don't sacrifice a minute of comfort unnecessarily for your boss.