322
eggπŸ«™irl (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 6 days ago by to c/egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone
63 comments fedilink hide all child comments
🎯 1
 
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[+] 1 point 6 days ago (15 children)
[removed by mod]
  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 15 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 6 days ago (7 children)

    I wish.

    I would not have liked anything more than certainty.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 7 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 6 days ago (6 children)

    If you really feel that experiencing life as a different gender then there's certainly something worth exploring there. If you haven't already, maybe try looking for a therapist (preferably one who's experienced with gender and sexuality issues). That's really helped me work out a lot of my own stuff.

    And hey, maybe there's not much there. Maybe you just want to explore a more feminine presentation. Maybe you're non-binary, fluid, trans, or maybe you're just cis with a healthy dose of curiosity. No harm in trying to figure it out and nothing is set in stone.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 6 days ago (5 children)

    I would, but there's not much room. So if any attempt, however private, does indeed lead to stronger and more real urges to explore further, I will only have intensified my sense of loss.

    I still remember the feeling and scent of the lipstick I tried a bunch of times. The mascara.

    I see myself doomed to go the path I'm already thrown in. And since deeper thoughts about being a girl are rather new, I can more easily chalk it up to the anxiety and pressure of the last few years of my life. Maybe wanting to be a girl is just a way to escape my reality, my anxieties, or even some of my responsibilities. I can't even be 100% sure about that, but I guess that's the more pragmatic way of looking at it.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 5 child comments
    •
  • [–] 4 points 6 days ago (2 children)

    I see myself doomed to go the path I'm already thrown in.

    It's your life and you don't need to do anything, but please don't fall into the trap of thinking it's too late to discover and embrace whatever version of you is most authentic. As long as you're still alive, there's still time.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 6 days ago (1 child)

    I agree, but in a "stoic" way.

    Some things can't be, even if only because we may not have predicted that we would want them.

    For practical purposes, I will go with what another commenter said. I had thought of it myself. It may as well be true. Idealization of the feminine, anxiety, low self-esteem, a deterioration of a sense of self.

    Yes, I would have loved to try a whole lot of things. Even if to quench a curiosity, even if to just play. But I know that if I keep digging, and I'd have to dig alone, I will be more and more alone and lonely. Even if there is something very real buried right there.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
  • [–] 3 points 5 days ago (1 child)

    Many people transition later in life. Someone in my friend group only transitioned in her mid 40s.

    You don't have to go all the way in one shot, too. A different friend just dabbled by painting nails and changing hair cuts for a while.

    Talk to a therapist, probably.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •
    • load more comments (-1 replies)
  • [–] 1 point 6 days ago (4 children)

    I wonder about that. (Let it be known that I'm an outsider and the trans 'knowledge' I have is only because libre-software and trans communities seem to intersect often.) Those with autism, major depressive disorder or other conditions may feel like something's wrong whilst lacking a strong gender affinity. That doesn't mean they're trans.

    What I wonder about is whether chronically-online, majorly depressed men idealize the feminine form as having inherent value. "If I was a cute girl people would like me/I wouldn't be depressed." It overwhelmingly seems to be male-to-female. I would have imagined a 50-50 split, but I can't cite any academic research. That's just what it feels like as I surf the net.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 4 child comments
    •
  • [–] 4 points 6 days ago

    It overwhelmingly seems to be male-to-female

    I have seen way more trans people who were amab on the internet compared to trans people who were afab even though, as far as i know, there are slightly more transmascs than transfems. I am not the only person who has experienced this

    I assume this is caused by people raised up as men being pushed more to places i visit on the internet (like programming and minecraft redstone discord servers, lemmy)

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] [S] 3 points 5 days ago

    The other user sucks for assigning genders to others, but fuck this comment. "Depressed men idealize the feminine form" reeks of long outdated, bigotry infused science that has led to real harm in our community. Being transfem is one of the most difficult things you can do socially; people will hate you, both as a woman and for being trans. If it actually helps a person's mental health, they are who they say they are.

    On top of that, there is nothing wrong with the people who do occasionally enjoy crossdressing; there is nothing insidious about gender non-conformity for fun. Who the fuck cares if a guy occasionally likes being pretty, including receiving positive attention for it? Good for him; it takes bravery on multiple levels. However, those people enjoy being able to take off the dress and live as men most of the time. I want to be a woman when waiting in a doctor's office. I want to be a woman clocking in and clocking out at work. I want to be a woman when nobody is with me and I'm rotting in bed. We are not the same, and that's fine.

    Literally none of that idea makes any sense beyond pathologizing behavior that conservatives find icky or abnormal. Your oursider perspective is limited, ignorant, and not really appreciated.

    Additionally,online trans communities may be dominated male-to-female, but irl it seems to basically be the opposite. Transmascs are far more likely to hang out in person and build communities around doing stuff. A lot of transfems get socialized into more "male" hobbies and circles, while transmascs are actively discouraged from trying those things. A lot of the hobbies remain after transition (although we often can't engage with them in the same way for the same reason that cisfems have trouble getting into them: ✨misogyny✨).

    There's also the fact that a lot of us transfems are shy and actively try to be invisible irl for safety reasons. It's tough enough being a woman, and actively scary to be seen as trans. It's also the default assumption online that users are men unless they make it clear that they're not. Even with a feminine profile, name, and even though I mostly hang out on blahaj, people still "dude" or "man" me if I ever talk more neutrally. We have to stand out to be treated as fem online, while transmascs can just be another user.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 1 point 5 days ago

    What I wonder about is whether chronically-online, majorly depressed men idealize the feminine form as having inherent value. β€œIf I was a cute girl people would like me/I wouldn’t be depressed.”

    eh, what came first: being chronically depresed or wanting to be more female?

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent