I agree, but in a "stoic" way.

Some things can't be, even if only because we may not have predicted that we would want them.

For practical purposes, I will go with what another commenter said. I had thought of it myself. It may as well be true. Idealization of the feminine, anxiety, low self-esteem, a deterioration of a sense of self.

Yes, I would have loved to try a whole lot of things. Even if to quench a curiosity, even if to just play. But I know that if I keep digging, and I'd have to dig alone, I will be more and more alone and lonely. Even if there is something very real buried right there.