Hello everyone. Sorry if this is annoying or whatever, I was just very excited and wanted to share somewhere, and I don't exist online outside of the fediverse. (Please delete if this is inappropriate or garbage or whatever.)

I'm 39 years old. My egg cracked back in March, and I decided that my goal was to be hot by 40. Part of being hot is, of course, the three T's: tits, tats, and tight glutes. I've been walking 3+ miles per day, dropped about 50 lbs, and started buying some cuter clothes (although not too much, because I still have, like, a lot of weight to drop). I've got an appointment to start HRT next week.

I just wanted to share this picture because I've struggled with pictures of myself for almost my entire life. My partner's parents are very nostalgic people who love taking photos at every possible gathering, and then ruminating on those photos at every subsequent gathering. I've struggled with it, and I feel like you can see the pain I'm trying to cope with in every one of those photos. But tonight I got a little drunk and "played dress-up," and I know I'm still fat and I need to shave so much of my body, but I felt like I could start to see the woman that I am. I'm not pretty; I'm not thin; I'm not cute. But I could see that I'm a woman, and that's such a good feeling. It was a moment of authenticity in a lifetime of shame and dysphoria.

I was just really excited and wanted to share. Even if you can't look exactly how you want, being able to be who you want means so much.

so. ill try to keep this as brief as possible because i will want to go on. im upset. to begin, i was sexually abused by a host when i was homeless. the host is a trans man and well-known in the trans communities of Seattle and the larger PNW. i got out and the org that placed me there pretty well dropped the ball as far as trauma-informed responses. basically, i cut all contact with the leftists and the org that put me in his home. i put my victim's statement in the biggest trans discord that I can imagine. it's nationwide and run locally. i was kicked and thus ostracized and ejected from the community of activists here. the ones actually getting money from mayor Wilson. if you want to read my handful of posts about my struggles this last year, they are all here on my feed.

Now, the recent part. I was invited to a birthday party by the person who vetted this host. I decided to go. I had hoped to repair the budding friendship and because we live in the same neighborhood. I said to her at least 5 months ago that I was going to get excoriated by the trans intelligentsia of seattle and she said they were loosing their clout and not to worry. Guess who was at that party? go on, guess. every fucking one of them. people you know on other social media sites. people you see in the fuckin local news. all leftists. all know me. all know the intimate details of my abuse. all watched me crash out while homeless.

did anyone say anything? a few people said hello. and one person i didnt recognize asked if they could hug me and i was very put off because strangers asking to hug me scares me. maybe they knew me. i couldnt tell because of the medical mask and the unfolding conversation to my left. the actual namesake of the org im talking about starts on about how we need to talk about trans refugees being targeted for exploitation and sexual abuse. like she looks at me in the fuckin face and says that shit after pretty much the whole org fuckin let me down. i gotta have a fuckin flashback in a party because this ignoramus looks at me and directly addresses my issue while the folks next to her look at me. People you see on the tee vee in Seattle politics. I am not even exaggerating or anything. At all.

i got up and walked out right there because i started crying

im trying to stay out of the hospital. this has got me on the ropes. it feels like i got thru all this just to have my worst fear actualize and then what? now im 100% sure that these people hate me. i came to Seattle and now the most influential trans femmes in Seattle put a goddamn scarlet letter on me

how can i feel safe to join the trans communities of various types here when its now virtually guaranteed that im going to be known and hated? like how to keep going on when the main things i have been doing, mutual-aid and integration, are going to bring me elbow-to-elbow with these folks? how to i stop feeling like the wrong kind of trans because i named my abusers? how do i find people who think i did a good thing and not a bad thing?

how do i keep going on when where i needed to be, and fled to, actively doesn't want me in particular?

like im now wondering how many of you actually know me and know already what happened? how many of you were at the party? do i know the person i refused a hug? like my mind just keeps spinning and i just keep spiraling.

all ive ever wanted is to feel safe and loved ffs

Trying to come up with my MtF name change.

It's really pretty and goes decent with my last name, but it sounds similar to "ghislaine" and that's unfortunate.

Would the association have been a deal-breaker for you? Or would other people not even notice it?

Edit: Genuienly appreciate the answers. I decided to slowly start using Elaine within small friend groups etc. Really excited!

I just wanted everybody to know about this.

just a quick post in solidarity with indigenous people who generally seem to have our backs. i've read so many stories lately about indigenous communities protecting #transrights so if you're not already familiar, maybe take some time today and read up on #landback

landback.org

I believe everyone who feels different than their AGAB and identifies as something different is valid as a trans person. Why would someone need to have gender dysphoria or scientific proof to be valid in their identity.

If you think this or something like it why do you? I want to hear from people who think this, and no I don't agree with them at all. I'm am against transmedicalism aggressively. I just want to understand why.

So there's something I've been dealing with but have no frame of reference for handling. I had a bad ex who was a low-key chaser and even physically hurt me near the end of the relationship but may have come out as trans themself idk. Other trans people love this person and I think they spread rumors about me because local queer communities have been hostile towards me.

The whole thing was frustrating especially because I'm still dealing with transphobia from other people. I feel kind of done with trans communities because of stuff like this but I'm not sure.

I hadn't seen this posted here yet, it's literally this meme.

Transcription: A drawing in which a man angrily exclaims, "She was helping MINORS get HRT!!", the second character, drawn as a small girl, replies "Waow!" while thinking "Based Based Based …" in a thought bubble.

Basically to have gender dysphoria as a negative quality in determining if you can have a clearance.

Hey... transfem and suffering from facial hair I can't seem to be able to get rid of much. As you can imagine, it causes much suffering. Currently going through laser hair removal and even after my 3rd session it doesn't seem to be doing much if anything. White with black hair. I'm horrified laser may not be working well, have no idea how long it should really take to start noticing in the first place, and well... Was hoping for some help. I've always been bad at shaving (as much as I do regularly... 1-2 times per day)... Hoping I can at least get temporary solace in clearing my face in ways different than I already do (electric razor, Baun brand, with no shaving cream or anything... Attempts to use safety razors like I use for full-body shaving have been extremely futile and I feel like I'm gonna cut myself each time I try so I haven't tried much...) If anyone has advice... Please.

As an aside, tips for quicker full-body shaving than safety razors and soap weekly (or more if I truly want to feel fine... But that's too much given it takes 2 hours this way and idk what to do) also appreciates.

Thanks to anyone able to offer advice...

For chronological accuracy, I have been using the old name and gender when referring to a past, pre-transition person, and the new name and gender when referring to them generally.

But I had a realisation that this could be considered rude. I'd like to hear from some trans people on their opinion.

Hey y’all so huh, not sure if its okay for me to publish this here and I’d understand if you delete the post.

I don’t know where to start. 3 months have passed since I created this account and its been incredibly hard for me to come write these lines (it may be nonsense, sorry, I do my best to be coherent).

So, few days ago I found the courage to come out as a woman to my fedi-friends (I love them all so much) and now here I am.
For the obvious part, I am TheOtterInside or, shorter, Loutre, but I currently have no chosen name Id like to show.
I have been lurking {lemmy,piefed}.blahaj.zone for months almost every single day as y’all here have helped me without even knowing. You have offered me both hope and joy. Thank you.
I am a rather introverted girl and am not comfortable enough to state my location (well, this one you can easily guess it), my face and most of my personal informations.

If there is anything you’d like to know please do ask. Worse that could happen is me answering "not comfy" (or a variation).

With luv, Loutre

I don't get my Brain sometimes and needed to write my thoughts down and figured this would be a good place for sharing them, so I hope you enjoy :3

Like in the last couple of hours I have been repeatedly doubting if I am really trans as like there is not much dysphoria, I don't overtly think about it much and like all sorts of weird things?

And then I remember that

1. I do still get dysphoria, sometimes better sometimes worse, but honestly its managable almoat always, always has been.
2. I have been on hormons for like what, 4.5 years now? Of fucking course I don't think about it all that often anymore, I am used to it by now and more settled! also unironically this was/is a transitiongoal of mine haha, so brain come on wtf???
3. Coming back to the first point, while not much dysphoria is present, living as a woman has brought me joy I have never felt before. Like just now I saw my siluette in on the wall and marveled at it for a good few seconds because thats girl and thats mine???????? Like yooooo wtf how nice!
4. Hell, I kind of know that I am not super binary, I just like to forget that I am because being binary trans is so nice for me :3 Like I am genderfluid, kinda has been whats going on inside my body. Its just long swings and being is girl ks always always part of the identity, but also I guess there is enough other parts in me that it is juuuust noticable you know :D

So yeah, now I am sitting here and my brain is quiet again, amd I am happy again as thinking about this has given me all of the good memories again, have a good night :3