So we can consider our sun dying and Andromeda colliding with the milky way as crappy backstops.5 billion years for a maybe is not great. I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of patience. We need fresh ideas. I like your singularity idea, but getting crushed isn't as artistically coherent as a quality shattering and if you've checked the price of singularities these days, its not really in the budget.

I think the most viable option I've heard so far is a mega asteroid. Do you know any suitable candidates for rent?