I explained this to a West Coast friend recently and the response was "Dude what the fuck is wrong with Philly?"

Which is a valid question.

Go Birds!

Go ahead, they said. Open a Kinko's next to a dispensary. What's the worst that could happen?

Do attend

That's the seal of Philly verification

I was just telling some friends from out of town about the furnace party a few days ago!

You have an Ear? Yeah..two? Well hear the words your eyes now see.

This is the greatest call to action ever written

Fuck, I read this the total opposite way at first:

You came from Heaven. Stop acting like you came from Hell

Read it as: "be kinder and more forgiving to yourself; you're not inherently bad and shouldn't feel so guilty all the time."

And I thought that was surprisingly touching.

The GO BIRDS! is killing me

That’s some Philly level shit there. Just push on.

thats why you keep some baseball sized rocks.

I have done this but only like when the person was around the corner. 5 minutes would be kinda long.

No

No

No

First one there with a car gets it. Quit doing this shit. It's a dick ass move.

The meth head part is perfect. No one wants to park in a spot a tweeker is 'working'. If you are trying to save a spot, just act that out if you feel guilty.

Pedestrians have the right-of-way at any rate vs a car.

I’ll just stand in it

You're not supposed to stand, you're not a car. That's being an asshole.

Also I was in that spot 2 days ago, do I have priority over your friend?

runs you over and parks on you

no

Good idea, maybe I'll start a business where you can hire somebody to be your friend who holds a spot for you "for just a few minutes," I'm sure nobody would have a problem with that./s

If we'd invested more in public transit we wouldn't be in this mess!

What you do then is you wait till they get out of their car and then you Mace them and then while they can't see you get in their car and then you run them over.

Big brain move! 🧠

When im in a new city and things are dire I have already sent people on foot. Mostly to search, sometimes to hold a spot.

If its on public parking streets and not a spot the neighbor cleared snow from in the winter, they have no claim to it either.

Unless you shoveled it, no.

As you say its public, they are there your friend isn't they have the right to the spot. Doesn't matter how long your friend is going to be even if they're right behind them, they have right of way by being first to a first come first serve spot.

If I were your friend I'd ask you not to do this unless there some sort of urgency (e.g. being kicked out), or medical reason for which them having a closer spot matters. Otherwise walking a little isnt an issue.

This is Karen type shit. Just find another god damn space.