The GO BIRDS! is killing me

Fuck, I read this the total opposite way at first:

You came from Heaven. Stop acting like you came from Hell

Read it as: "be kinder and more forgiving to yourself; you're not inherently bad and shouldn't feel so guilty all the time."

And I thought that was surprisingly touching.

You have an Ear? Yeah..two? Well hear the words your eyes now see.

This is the greatest call to action ever written

I was just telling some friends from out of town about the furnace party a few days ago!

Go ahead, they said. Open a Kinko's next to a dispensary. What's the worst that could happen?

Go Birds!