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[–] 56 points 5 months ago* (2 children)

Before I came out as transfemme, I was in the city of Manaus in Brazil, traveling during Carnaval. Manaus is not terribly popular with foreigners, and I stood out as very white, very American, and very blonde, so lots of people would stare, want to talk with me, randomly touch my long hair, etc. All normal travel things.

During a concert however three guys were actively watching and inspecting me, all turned away from the stage to do so. They'd turn to talk to each other, and then turn right back to stare at me. Not so normal, and I was getting a little spooked and thinking about an exit plan, when they all came right up to me with a phone out.

One shouted over the crowd as he showed me his phone, "This you?!" and showed me a picture of Kurt Cobain. Hilarious, and seeing Kurt in a dress of course is even funnier now in hindsight. I said no, pointed out that he was dead, shook a couple hands, and they wandered off. Fun times.

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  • [–] 73 points 5 months ago (32 children)

    More men should wear skirts and dresses. With right style even masculine men can look good with such clothes.

    And long hair. Long hair is so beautiful and sexy that everyone should grow long hair despite of the gender.

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  • [–] 31 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    Fortunately for you, Scotland exists

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  • [–] 15 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    I run in circles where dudes semiregularly wear kilts.

    I've sat in a circle with other dudes where they were comparing brands of utility kilts. Lol

    There are folks out there that wear them. It's just not super fashionable in a lot of circles. Unfortunately.

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  • [–] 11 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    i remember reading that in the medieval age, most noble men had long hair because it was a sign of wealth and such

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago

    It makes sense. A lot of fashion is showing off your wealth. It's also showing that you don't do manual labour. When I travelled in South-East Asia, a lot of taxi drivers had one very long fingernail. The accepted reason for that was that if you had that kind of nail, it showed you didn't do a job that involved physical labour.

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  • [–] 6 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    There's a man's skirt sitting in my Etsy favorites for so long. It's scary to pioneer something like this but it's so tempting at the same time.

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    And long hair. Long hair is so beautiful and sexy that everyone should grow long hair despite of the gender.

    100%, long hair for all!

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago

    I have long hair, and it's a major pain in the ass. Even though it's in a braid 99% of the time, I still find long hairs everywhere. And, wrestling it into that braid is annoying because the only time it's at all manageable is when it's still wet from the shower. I can't get a brush / comb through it any other time.

    The main reason I stick with it is that I really hate hair styling sprays and gels, and I think parted hair looks really stupid. So, my choices are either very long and tied back, or very, very short.

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  • [–] 4 points 5 months ago (5 children)

    I've thought about it sometimes, But when my hair starts to reach about 4-5 cm in length, i start getting itchy, sweaty, hair gets fatty and i start shedding scales like crazy...

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  • [–] 6 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    i think that's a phase. my hair got fatty when it was 4-5 cm long as well, but that stopped somehow when it got even longer. i guess the body just takes some time to adapt or sth.

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  • [–] 7 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    In the 60s and 70s, feminists fought for the idea that people should feel free to dress and act however they wanted and not let their gender define them.

    It seems like we've taken some steps backwards since then. Men wearing dresses is more accepted now, but only in the narrow confines of being trans. I don't think Kobain or Bowie ever wanted to be defined as trans, they just wanted to be themselves and challenge cultural norms.

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    There's a sort of societal pressure to present as your gender when you're trans simply because it's safer and the alternative is often being misgendered and marginalized. it's also really scary to change presentation early on so early in the transition is when you'll see many sort of "overcorrect" and go overly femme or masc, but many are perfectly happy to be gender non-conforming, and many try less hard as they get more comfortable with themselves.

    There's also the growing trend of femboys or guys that present more feminine, and I see guys painting their nails more than before these days.

    I think a celebrity making a gesture or doing something symbolically is really cool, but at the end of the day the real signs of a cultural shift is what regular people are doing casually, and to me it feels like there's something shifting, even if it's slow going and there's pushback.

    PS the trans dress thing sounds sort of accidentally transphobic, but looking at your profile I don't think that was intentional and is just an issue of phrasing.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago

    I've noticed that many people don't really care that much when I present feminine in public, and that it's also the same for many other femboys as well. So I think public perception of it is at least neutral. Things are getting better these days, even if it is slow. I think that until people are doing it casually though it'll always be seen as something fringe or queer. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not widely accepted as normal like how women wearing pants is.

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago

    It seems like we’ve taken some steps backwards since then. Men wearing dresses is more accepted now, but only in the narrow confines of being trans. I don’t think Kobain or Bowie ever wanted to be defined as trans, they just wanted to be themselves and challenge cultural norms.

    I wouldn't agree with that wording, it's more like people see wearing a dress or a skirt as something that makes you a woman (or woman-adjacent). They don't see it as socially acceptable for a man to wear a dress or skirt not because they think it's unacceptable but because they see him as a woman, or wanting to be a woman. Trans women aren't men wearing dresses, trans women are women, who sometimes wear dresses.

    The conflict here is that men (or masculine/androgynous enbies) who wear dresses aren't women and don't see themselves as such. So other people seeing them as women or wanting to be women for their fashion choices sucks. I agree that Kurt Kobain and David Bowie if they were alive today probably wouldn't want to be defined as trans. Many GNC people today face hardship because society expects them to want to be women due to how they dress. Although I have noticed that getting better. Egging and Egg culture is way less acceptable these days, and most people in the community can recognize how nasty it is to dismiss someone's identity and call them the wrong pronouns on purpose. 4 years ago I wouldn't be so sure of that because it happened so much in queer communities I felt unsafe being open about my gender non-conformity online.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    everyone should [...]

    Is also where everything goes down the drain and social pressure starts to crush people.

    My younger me would’ve stated that everyone should wear hoodies, jeans and short hair.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago* (1 child)

    I get what are you trying to tell, but when i talked about everyone getting long hair, i mostly meant men, and how they should be more open to it. Its fine if people want to have long or short hair, but for men specifically, long hair is considered gay in my country, which is unfortunally homophobic, and ive heard stories about boys being bullied and even beaten in schools just because of long hair.

    So it turns out kind of opposite. Men are socially pressured into having short hair, and generally "not being gay" in homophobic way.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago

    Yeah, it’s really just about that exact wording and not accidentally ending up with dictating the opposite of what is the current issue. Every style should be allowed. I’m not very hopeful we actually could get there some day.

    My nephew gets excluded from the boys toilet by schoolmates because he has long hair 🤦

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  • [–] 64 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    here's the picture that i saw when i was 11 that made me binary:

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  • [–] 23 points 5 months ago (19 children)

    okay but are those jorts underneath the dress?

    I get wearing some shorts underneath for safety, believe me. I remember being a smol femboy insecure about my body and posture. but jorts? jorts‽

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  • [–] 9 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    No, those are jeans cut into shorts

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  • [–] 6 points 5 months ago (11 children)

    ‽ being used in this economy

    (i dont mean to offend you just really surprised seeing someone use one)

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  • [–] 17 points 5 months ago (10 children)

    hang out on this godforsaken site for long enough and you'll see some users still trying to make þ happen.

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  • [–] 9 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    That implies one can be un-made from non-binary or made straight or made gay. Is this true?

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  • [–] 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 child)

    I think it means Kurt Cobain was so obviously and genuinely gender/identity queer at a time when there wasn't a popular conception of such a thing that people who were also queer saw Kurt and realized that, at the very least, being a boy or girl, man or woman, doesn't need to be this one thing, which is socially reinforced in the negative.

    Kurt expressed something we didn't have words for as young people in the early 90s. But as you dug deeper, it was all in Kurt's music, from the very beginning. It was drastically different from depictions of "transvestites" we had grown up with. And it was not just a token identification with conflicting gender identities, but deep grappling with all these inner thoughts, experience, worry, frustration, love. And everybody loved it. Through Nirvana's music, I think you could feel accepted for being queer, because Kurt's music was deeply resonant with many queer people's experience, and it was hugely popular and culturally prominent.

    And there's Kurt with dirty long hair in a dress, beautiful blue eyes, looks like about to tell someone "fuck you* and bash someone over the head with his cheap Japanese Mustang, which Kurt was known to do. The coolest rockstar on the planet, in a thriftstore dress.

    So maybe op meant something like, "I identified my own queerness when I saw Kurt's". But all this is made up just someone alive and infatuated with Nirvana at the time.

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  • [–] 9 points 5 months ago

    This is written in the booklet of Incesticide:

    At this point I have a request for our fans. If any of you in any way hate homosexuals, people of different color, or women, please do this one favor for us - leave us the fuck alone! Don't come to our shows and don't buy our records.

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  • [–] 7 points 5 months ago

    So it was that darn mtv after all…

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  • [–] 17 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    Estrogen would've saved her 😞

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  • [–] 4 points 5 months ago

    He's kinda cute.

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  • [+] 13 points 5 months ago (2 children)
  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (1 child)

    For me it was Mrs. Doubtfire. Fucking hot

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  • [–] 2 points 5 months ago

    kurt cobain and brian molko were my idols 💜

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  • [–] 1 point 5 months ago

    You're gonna love the band Grouplove

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  • [+] -5 points 5 months ago (8 children)
  • [–] 4 points 5 months ago (7 children)

    Underrated comment. Kurt was very probably trans.

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  • [–] 5 points 5 months ago (6 children)

    The question is how do you know Kurt was binary trans or if they would've been okay with she/her pronouns? Comments like these are shitty in the way that egging comments are shitty. I have no doubt that Kurt was queer in some way. I'm not going to assume how or make assumptions on preferred pronouns because they're no longer here to tell us or object to it if they don't like it.

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  • [+] -2 points 5 months ago (6 children)
  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (5 children)

    If we go by that logic then it shouldn't matter either that trans people are buried under their deadname. But it does, because respecting the dead isn't about how they feel, it's about how it affects the living.

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  • [–] -2 points 5 months ago (4 children)

    The gatekeeping here is incredible. Just as bad as .ml smh

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    So you think affirming the fact that people can be NonBinary, and also saying people shouldn't be intentionally misgendered after death because you feel like it is gatekeeping? Got it 👍

    If that's why you got banned from .ml then you probably deserved it. You would get banned from many other queer friendly spaces for that kind of shit. It's not accepted or tolerated.

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  • [–] -1 points 5 months ago (2 children)

    Naw but deleting comments you dont agree with is fascism. Go fuck your self, if thats your thing 👍

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  • [–] 3 points 5 months ago*

    if you think that deletion of comments that promote bigotry is "deleting comments you don't agree with" and is fascism, you probably shouldn't be on Lemmy and you definitely shouldn't go to any blahaj.zone communities.

    @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone is very protective of minority members in our communities, and bigots can and will be quickly banned and have their shitty comments deleted. If you don't like that, Gab and TruthSocial are that way 👉
    Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

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