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[–] 1 point 1 year ago

Or goodness is its own reward?

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  • [–] 160 points 1 year ago (14 children)

    I've got 2 kids in primary school. We teach them to be kind and caring, that cheaters never win. That bullies are bullies because they are not happy.

    However a study came out that compared bullies and non bullies. Bullies kids are more likely to be successful financially and socially based on studies. I was sad for humanity when o found out.

    It makes sense, in the same way that it makes sense that CEO's are more likely to be sociopaths. Human brains are made for small societies. When it's a larger society, negative traits can be helpful to get ahead. It's likely part of the reason we experience wars and famine and billionaires.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (1 child)

    I was curious about the studies. The only thing I came across about outcomes was this BMJ review that says:

    Bullies were more likely to have trouble keeping a job and honouring financial obligations. They were more likely to be unemployed.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (1 child)

    Or the other option: all kids are equally capable of being dicks to each other. It just depends who has social capital. Kids who have the traits necessary to gain social capital - intelligence, athleticism, attractiveness, confidence, etc - end up on top of the social hierarchy in school and also end up going farther in life.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    Theoretically, all people are capable of being president, but I ky very few get there, irrespective of ability.

    You're right about their attributes being a guide. I reckon it's down to the confidence, more than anything. Bullys are typically seen as acting out due to their own insecurity. However, the skills learned in putting themselves above others likely helps to achieve personal goals. It's likely similar for attractive people and confidence. Confidence is a drug that affects other people.

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  • [–] 102 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    I love you put billionaires next to other disasters

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  • [–] 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    In many ways billionaires are worse than the other disasters listed.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago

    The human brain really seems to be built for small communities. Once the village you live in is bigger than about 150 people, all sorts of weird things begin to happen. Some people no longer feel like they're a part of the same group as everyone else. They begin to feel like they can get away with anything, maybe even steal something, or hurt other people. Being greedy doesn't feel wrong any more, altruism feels like a weakness etc.

    I've been thinking about these things, and I've come to the conclusion that the world we live in is not optimized for the human mind or physiology. We've specifically designed a world that is bad for us in a number of ways.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    successful financially and socially

    Going around with a machete makes you more successful predator. Being successful financially doesn't mean shit and neither does having followers on social media.

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  • [–] 29 points 1 year ago

    Yes and i would choose to have morals anyway

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  • [–] 23 points 1 year ago (23 children)

    You'll still be a shit person, likely with no meaningful friendships. That's gotta factor into the equation somehow.

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  • [–] [S] 22 points 1 year ago (21 children)

    People with low empathy don't see people as companions, but more as tools to benefit themselves. So they don't really care as long as they have enough money and pawns to take care of themselves.

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago* (11 children)

    Reducing other people to mere tools is a symptom of psychopathy rather than simply low empathy. Yes, psychopaths are within the set of people with low empathy, however, shouldn't be confused with the set itself. It's also specifically a lack of affective (warm) empathy that's more of the problem than a lack of empathy in general, as some psychopaths do have cognitive (cold) empathy, and so do understand others (albeit to a limited extent), however, just use it to be more exploitive rather than less. This is by contrast with autistic people who often struggle with cognitive (cold) empathy, however, not with affective (warm) empathy, i.e. they don't know how they've hurt people but they know they've hurt people and try to avoid doing so.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (10 children)

    Been a while since psych and I'm sure some terms I use are outdated now but the way it was explained to me was that sociopaths feel some guilt and remorse but do it anyways whereas psychopaths don't feel any remorse at all. I think symptoms of both have been melded into ASPD in general now but the logic applies. If someone is capable of lying and manipulating without remorse (my original statement) then it would be a very low chance that they see others as equals

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (9 children)

    There is no such thing as a sociopath clinically speaking. There are primary and secondary psychopaths though, the former lacking empathy entirely and the latter having access to some empathy. They are both alloplastic (irresponsible for their actions and their consequences) and thus neither can feel guilt as guilt is associated with having responsibility. Psychopaths tend to have a generalised anxiety at their core, which they compensate for with defiance (to convince themselves and others of their power as a means to deal with the anxiety). This creates a backlash against them, which because they're irresponsible, creates frustration, something they can't manage well, and so direct the frustration outwards in the form of aggression.

    Anxiety and shame are the emotions associated with negative (or potential) consequences while being powerless. Psychopaths are more anxious because they have an internal locus of control, whereas narcissists are more shameful because they don't. In both cases, they seek control, albeit for different reasons.

    EDIT: Psychopaths see other people as pets at best, and tools at worst. As you say, they do not perceive you as equals.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (8 children)

    That's more useful than you know for someone I'm currently dealing with. I consider myself patient but everyone has their limits, how do you help someone who is defiant, seek control, and clearly anxious without letting them tear your mood apart?

    I know I'm supposed to understand they are acting out of confused defense but it's truly difficult to be the caregiver to someone who is essentially throwing an illogical temper tantrum nearly 24/7?

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    In my experience, you try to have as little to do with them as possible. Do you have some legal obligation to be their caregiver?

    I think most people will recommend setting boundaries and sticking to them, however, they are compelled to cross any lines you set.

    You kind of end up setting sacrificial boundaries that they can cross, or boundaries with a buffer zone so they can cross it a little bit without going too far.

    Like, if the speed limit is 50 km/h, they're going to go 55 km/h, and that's still a safe speed so you're happy and they're happy. If they go 100 km/h, well, that's genuinely unsafe and you're forced to intervene.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago (6 children)

    Moral obligation. Yes I am in that constant cycle of setting boundaries, having them crossed, and forgiving them because they have noone else to care for them. I don't see giving up as an option on the matter but I know I'm sacrificing my mental health for them.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    I'm dealing with a situation at the moment where an individual was a caregiver for decades, only for the cared person to turn around and leave the caregiver to die when the caregiver became too old to provide the care the cared person felt entitled to have.

    They will never show you any gratitude, and it will be genuinely dangerous when you decide to stop or simply can no longer continue providing care.

    Once you exist in the psychopath's world, you only have one of two choices: be useful or be destroyed. People without any utility to them don't exist to them, however, once you exist, you can't go back to not existing.

    Take care, and acknowledge the opportunity cost of your time and energy is being deprived from other people who genuinely need and can appreciate it.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago (4 children)

    That's the answer I expected but I hoped for some kind of miracle tactic. I know you're right and it's something I need to consider the pros and cons of. I appreciate your advice

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

    Is there any reason why you downvoted my other comments?

    You can learn a lot of valuable skills by being a caregiver to someone like this, although they will try to pull you into their cynical worldview. This is a simplistic, and distorted view of the world that aligns with how psychopaths and narcissists experience the world, however, isn't useful nor realistic.

    They both have a splitting mechanism where people are split into an all good and an all bad object, and struggle to integrate these two objects into an integrated object that accurately represents people. The psychopath can't create complete objects, and so splits people into good in the form of utility, and bad in the form of impediment to their goals.

    Cynicism is assuming the true object is the bad object because they feel it's safer to assume the worst in someone than assume the best. Game theory suggests this makes sense in extremely hostile environments, however, is detrimental in most other situations. It has a tendency to create the hostile environments it's supposedly adapted to cope with.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

    I downvoted your comments? I upvoted your comments. I don't disagree with anything you've said

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  • [–] 11 points 1 year ago (8 children)

    I'm a domestic abuse outreach worker and I see it a lot in clients. Abusers are always selfish and generally manipulative and liars. They have little or no empathy for their partner and rarely care how the partner feels. They're often highly successful in their field, because they have such great manipulation skills.

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    I imagine your job is as draining as it is fulfilling

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    Thanks mate, you certainly have to accept the losses. I look at soft outcomes though, so making the children feel heard and like they matter. It gets me through.

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  • [–] [S] 7 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    You couldn't be thanked enough for your work

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    I really, truly appreciate it Keanu thanks so much ❤️

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    Shhh...I made this elaborate fake name because I didn't want everyone to know I'm 8 time MTV Movie & TV Awards nominee and 4 time winner Keanu Reeves

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    It's ok I won't tell anyone, it'll be our total secret. Still love Bill and Ted BTW thanks for bringing it into the world!

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    Yeah, that's what the rest of us try to convince ourself so that we can cope with it. That or the idea that these people must sleep very poorly thinking about what they've done, while we're actually the ones who have poor sleep thinking about what they've done and feeling powerless.

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  • [–] 62 points 1 year ago* (27 children)

    Maybe, but it also means that you'll be alone for eternity and will never have true friends or camaraderie, and that by itself will consume you.

    There is only so many people you can do that to before everyone else catches on and shuns you. All the evil people in the world don't have any friends and are subject to betrayals and threats in their lives constantly. To me, that's not a bearable existence. Sure, you got power, but you're miserable and afraid all the time. Was that really worth it?

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  • [–] 20 points 1 year ago (10 children)

    you’ll be alone for eternity and will never have true friends or camaraderie, and that by itself will consume you.

    I AM a morally decent person who makes efforts to do the right thing. And that last part is STILL true!

    I just don't like most people.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 1 year ago* (9 children)

    Most people are selfish and amoral. When people like that encounter a decent person, they will do what they can to silence them so they aren't given the chance to expose corruption.

    You probably don't like most people because most people are walking sacks of shit who would throw you under the bus if it means benefiting themselves

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    You'd be wrong. I'm sorry that you feel this way about humanity, but that is simply not true. And believing that won't make you a "smart" person. It makes you're no better than those people, and it also makes you feel worse.

    It might be satisfying in the moment to hate humanity, but that satisfaction is fleeting and addicting. Being a misanthrope just brings the worst version of yourself out.

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Seems condescending to assume I think that belief makes me "smart". I'm speaking on my experience, that's the only experience I have. I don't appreciate you trying to make me out as some kind of angsty teen rebel.

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  • [–] 0 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Well, your experience isn't universal. Most people aren't like you described.

    Maybe you need a change of environment.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago

    Let me put it this way. If your family was 1 of 2 surviving families on earth for whatever reason and all the resources have run out. You're stuck in an underground bunker and unfortunately your only option for survival is cannibalism (this is a common thought exercise in philosophy) are you more willing to eat your family? Or the other?

    And what about towards the end, when it's just you and one other person. Do you override your survival instinct and offer yourself up, or do you start reasoning to yourself that this is a necessary evil?

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    I want the worst version of myself out. I recently made two shitty co-workers crap themselves.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Being bad towards shitty people is a different beast from being bad towards everyone because you assume the worst out of everyone.

    Righteous outrage is addicting, but it's also extremely fucking draining. I left reddit because I'd constantly rage bait myself every day and it was destroying my relationships.

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  • [–] [S] 19 points 1 year ago (10 children)

    There are plenty of corrupt people who are never caught, or even caught and let go with little to no consequences due to their influence and money. As much as I want to live in a world where karma exists and assholes get what they deserve, that is unfortunately not the reality we live in.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (9 children)

    Just because we don't see it or it doesn't look like we think it should doesn't mean it's not real. Imagine being shallow and wanting to marry for how it looks on the outside. Imagine 20 -30 years later realizing you're stuck in a companionless relationship, but refusing to end it because it makes sense on paper to keep it intact.

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 1 year ago (8 children)

    I believe in consequences of your actions of course, but I don't believe there is some kind of cosmic scale balancing right and wrong. Maybe there is but that's quite an assumption to make. Lots of old rich men and women end up in that cycle of trading partners in like leased vehicles. Some people don't care so much for companionship as much as they care about vanity. Sad, yes, but who am I to dictate how some people find happiness.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    Maybe they are happy. The people I've met living that way seem miserable. That's really all karma is, cause and effect. We either learn or don't. I really believe that the kingdoms of heaven (and hell) are inside us. That doesn't necessarily equate to physical reality, eg, every need met can still leave people miserable, people who seemingly struggle manage to find peace, if not happiness, others who match their physical reality, often we slide among points on the spectrum of being.

    I don't see it as perfectly balanced or absolute equilibrium. I see it as more of a spiral hourglass that flips like the magnetic poles. But that's a whole other discussion and I need to develop that concept, as I just surprised myself with it. That's a sleepy thought.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    I do find that a lot of "bully" type people seem miserable, angry, combatative. That's likely what drives their lack of empathy though, they don't care about hurting others because they think in some roundabout way that if everyone is upset then it's fair. There are a lot of reasons why some people justify the way they live and a lot of them will never willingly change.

    Yes karma is cause and effect but a lot of times the effect won't happen without human intervention to force it into reality. I would describe that more as social structure or framework. Tomato potato

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    Outside pressures are often the driving forces of evolution, and affect everything engaged in a particular process. Dawkins talked about this, iirc.

    Anyway, observing a thing changes it. There will always be latent effects. Maybe it's not about individual learning, but collective learning, with a nod to Dawkins.

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    It would be great to think one day society would reward good people more often but we are still crawling to that goal

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    Maybe humans will become extinct and the process will continue without us.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    What's your prediction for our successors? Aliens? AI bots? Apes? What if we are the aliens that succeded the previous race? That could explain why our sun is so damaging to us.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago* (1 child)

    I have no idea. We know what the sociopaths are working on singularity. We don't know the species will survive long enough. Maybe a bug? Maybe an extraterrestrial life form.

    Eta: I recently read an article about nematodes organizing themselves into a superstructure. Idk they can survive rapid climate change or not.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    Yeah it really depends on what you consider success. For a lot of people, money & power isn't necessarily the marker for success, and finding meaning and joy in life is more important. And I know that sounds like capitalist "money doesn't buy you happiness" bs, but striving towards money and power consistently is the most capitalist thing you can do.

    I think people who are able to attain a good amount of money to survive and still maintain their morals and find joy, that's success.

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  • [–] 21 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    It may seem this way at times, however, it really depends on the system you're participating in.

    Have a play around with: The evolution of trust - https://ncase.me/trust/

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  • [–] 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    I've known this for a long time but I continue to do my best to operate honorably. I may never be rich or powerful, but I sleep very well at night.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago

    I just had a talk with my son, 12, this morning about the bad feelings we get when we lie, trick, or cheat and are caught. For me, I explained, it can even physically hurt because my chest tightens. Sometime around when I was my son's age, I decided I wanted to avoid that feeling at all costs, and just stopped trying to lie, or trick, or get away with something wrong, because the risk was never worth it.

    I may not be rich, or powerful, or hell even interesting, but I do sleep well at night and nearing middle age, I've more love in my life than I've ever had before. I hope to pass that to my son. Honest man's living is superior.

    My neighbor will tell me all about her grown son (who I know as a racist shit bag, and his son bullys mine) is so successful financially, yet in the same breath tells me she doesn't bother wasting money on her garden because she can get free tomatoes from the food bank.

    Money doesn't mean one is successful in my opinion. Are they happy? Do they love themselves? Do they treat others kindly? Do the add to their community in positive ways? Do they never take more than they need so that others can have too? That's success.

    I prefer to have my conscience clean, and be the brokest person out there, than to lie, sceme, cheat to gain some arbitrary "success".

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  • [–] 14 points 1 year ago* (3 children)

    I so wish that I could grift the fuck out of the goddamn Nazis and get rich off of their idiocy but I would feel icky with dirty money.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Go to work for ICE, and be the worst worker in the history of America. Then you earned your money gumming up the works of an evil organization, and you can feel good about taking their money to hurt them.

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  • [–] 13 points 1 year ago

    Sure but it's lonely at the top. If you rise to the top by backstabbing people, you'll end up exactly how some people right now are, and you keep trying to accumulate more and be great or whatever messing up everything else and being hated.

    While a simple life with your loved ones will give you satisfaction. And satisfaction is the key to happiness. Rather satisfaction is the ultimate happiness.

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  • [–] 36 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    This is only true in a world that is mostly full of people with morals. A society built on lying and manipulation inevitably collapses - look at what is happening to the United States. They elected an amoral lying manipulator and in just six months their society is unraveling. They just passed a law that took money away from hungry children and sick people so that their psychopathic leader can better persecute his enemies: that is, anyone who opposes him. ICE just became the best-funded "law" enforcement agency ever created. It is obvious to everyone except a handful of naive idiots that ICE will be used against US citizens to consolidate MAGA's power in an attempt to create a permanent regime. These states always collapse sooner or later, though, because morality is the foundation of law. No one is going to invest in a country where their assets can be seized and they can be imprisoned on the caprice of a senile madman. You can't have trade without trust - all that is left in places like the US are predators and prey.

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  • [–] 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    This unraveling has been going on a lot longer than just six months. It's been accelerating hard since the Patriot Act after 9/11. And even before that, Republicans had been lying about their support of free markets for generations.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago

    Sure it has. It's been going on since the 70s and CEOs making 300 percent of the workforce. It is exactly the same as nobles and their taxes of the poor in almost every Empire's history. And it always leads to a purge that changes things. We could be on the cusp of a Roman takeover. We could be on the cusp of a total collapse. Hard to say which way it's going.

    Whatever it is, this will not last forever.

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  • [–] 11 points 1 year ago

    Depends on how you define "further". I'd like to leave this earth knowing I had a positive impact on those i met while I was here. I can sleep easy at night, even dispte all the hardships in my life atm, knowing I'm doing the best with what it is I have. Also, in my early 30's, I started to really internalize the, "having nice things means keeping things nice" i.e. you don't need new shiny things all the time. Take care of what you already have and you'll never be without.

    I can't lie and manipulate my way into being a kind and honorable man, friend, son and brother. Me achieving those things brings me greater peace of mind and satisfaction than anything I'd ever need to lie my way into to get.

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  • [–] 20 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    By some definition of "further", sure. Mainly the definition someone with no remorse would have.

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  • [–] 19 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    Exactly. OPs logic only works if your definition of happiness is money and going from being the oppressed to the oppressor.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    From the perspective of a rich abusive CEO, they probably are happy. They get off on having power over people, and they do. Plus they can make more money than they can ever spend.

    People who become wealthy naturally seem to have some sociopathic traits, but generally they also don't know how to stop working. They get everything they want by doing things they enjoy doing.

    I have a brother who is the CEO of a fairly successful business. He loves bragging about what he's worth, and went from watching Silicon Valley and laughing extra hard at the bit where a bunch of companies in the show are pitching how they "want to make the world a better place" to giving me those words verbatim after bragging about how much money he has. He talks about how hard his job is and he wouldnt wish it on anyone.. But I have worked with him on previous businesses, and he quite literally can't stop working (even when high and drunk at 2am). I mean he literally CAN'T turn it off.

    Throughout my childhood (and still now), this person used extremely obvious domination tactics on the people around him. One of his favourite moves is to either start texting or talking to someone else while I am in the middle of speaking to him. I am willing to guarantee that having the ability to use obscene wealth to dominate people makes him slightly fucking hard.

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago*

    The world actively rewards bad behavior. This realization was a difficult pill for me to swallow.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago

    It makes a lot of sense. Lying and manipulation are done specifically to achieve goals. A defining characteristic of morals is that you're supposed to follow them even if it's neutral or disadvantageous for you. If someone follows "morals" to achieve a personal goal, they're not actually following morals, they're just acting in a way that incidentally looks moral.

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  • [–] 15 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    It depends where you want to go. Knowledge is always bigger than power, power gives money but knowledge gives depression and suicide thoughts. The fast escape path is obvious.

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  • [–] 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Yay capitalism! Perfect reasoning not to feel bad lying on a resume.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    If they can lie about the company and position, I can lie about my experience and fit.

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  • I'm starting to think of writing down the specific things job recruiters tell me, and bringing it to the interview. The last recruiter that reached out (and succeeded in hiring me) told me things that didn't end up being true. When I got hired and was told contradictory information, the company said, "Oh, that is still true, but this particular case is an exception. We can get you a different case where that is true," and then they didn't get back to me for weeks. In that time, I'd applied, interviewed, and accepted a job elsewhere. Fuck lying employers.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    I'll die poor with morals rather than rich and evil. I'm okay with that.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago

    You'll also live better. It's a sad indictment of society that people incapable of forming meaningful relationships, but able to buy some shiny crap they don't need, are considered successful.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago

    I mean, yea, that's how the economy is kinda designed for most of the world right now.

    In the employee-employer relationship, the better you are as an employer at manipulating others into working for you while you retain ownership of the revenue, paying employees out percentage of what they generated as a wage while keeping the excess value as profit, is how you make a successful business.

    The business-consumer relationship boils down to a transaction where you want to be the one who has the advantage on the transaction. Sellers want to sell their products for more than they're worth while the consumers want to buy those products at a discount of their perceived value. The seller's entire job is to manipulate the consumer into perceiving more value in their products than the base material value of the product to generate a revenue that exceeds the cost of its production to generate profit. That's like the basis of advertising and marketing.

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