Swim.

Used to eat six meals a day and still struggled to put on weight when I was competitive.

Tape worms.

Step 1: define perfect

Step 2: start Carcinisation

GP1s. You eat a bit of shit. But not too much. Then you're like, huh I want some real food. And then you're done for the day. Two days later, you're like, poop please leave my body so I can eat a little bit more shit. Maybe you throw up a box of pop-tarts.

Then you notice the muscle loss and you're like, no more shit, only real food, and more workout. Real food is easier to eat because your sugar cravings decrease.

I grew up watching people shame spiral while ordering Ab-Rollers. It was not pretty. This isn't ideal but we have to acknowledge we're all addicts.

oh, Oh, OH, OZEMPIC!

Well, I'm halfway there.

Pull a Forest Gump and run across the US a few times. The violence coupled with lack of health care will surely lead to weight management.

Wegovy and run 10km+ every day.

I'm willing to eat better, just don't make me exercise

Alter your perception. If the inability to walk up a flight of stairs and being a guy with bigger tits than his wife is perfect in your eyes then perfection is found by washing down a bag of chips with a milkshake

Intermittent fasting means I eat like a fat piece of shit for hours a day and still can maintain or lose

Dr Fung’s book is where to get started

Anabolic steroids

You can eat as shitty as you like, you just need to make sure you burn the calories.

You can spend an hour on a bike/running and burn getting close to a thousand calories. Lifting is more like half that, but has the benefit of increasing your metabolism over time