38*365=13870

856346/13870=61.74

This guy masturbated 62 times per day if we assume that he is capable to jerk when a toddler. If we assume he starts jorking it from 12, then this rate goes to 90.23 faps per day

He is the king of gooners

I guess with that much masturbation, I can see how he died at 38.

145L of booze? Rookie numbers.

This guy lived for 38 years, converting to somewhere between around 13,870 - 14,234 days. (I'm not doing leap years, you can't make me)

Sure, the masturbation stats are impressive and even the sex stats are not half bad but this guy pooped 14,234 times, truly he was regular as fuck. Maybe that was his secret.

All useless stats. I want to know my rank in those categories. Or maybe percentile. Maybe that's my boomer toxic trait, but I want to know how I stack up.

Oh those pesky girlfreinds: neither a friend nor a fiend.

These are some wild stats. Why doesn't he poop

Edit: I'm now remembering that comas and periods aren't always used the way I'm used to

died at 38

cigarettes: 4532

Seems legit

Yᴏᴜ Hᴀᴠᴇ Dɪᴇᴅ

Pʀᴇss Fɪʀᴇ Tᴏ Rᴇsᴘᴀᴡɴ

Forget stats, I want to see commented replays. Every time I missed a hint of person. Every person that got romantic/sexual feelings for me and the best time to make a move. Every time I lost something or got robbed. Shit like that. I'm really interested in that, even though it could be hell, when you realize how much you missed. To really rub salt into the wound, they could show you "what if" scenarios of missed opportunities. For example what would have happened if I did a bit better at a job interview? What if I applied for a job, where I skipped over the ad? Of course only realistic stuff and just one change. For example I never had any plans of getting a doctor and there would have been several different changes, to be remotely realistic.

I was recently thinking that if I died and went to hell, the greatest torture that could be inflicted on me would be to show me how much productive time I wasted pulling the meat.

I would be interested to see the total percentage of time I have spent in virtual worlds vs waking life.

How is my guy only gonna poop 14 times in 38 years? My 3 year old kid has pooped twice 10 times that already

And can I get to choose some perks for my next life?

If no, here's some suggestions:

• Intuitive hindsight: In your next life, you'll have an "intuition", which will be able to help you to help repeating good things and avoiding mistakes, but the more you change the new timeline, the less trustworthy it becomes.
• Supernatural talent: Based on your previous life's talents, you can more easily guess how certain things works.

Damn, I walk a fair amount recreationally (Pokemon GO), and I only have 10,000 km in the past 9 1/2 years. Well, according to my Pokrmon GO stats anyway. My day job is in an office though, so I don't get as many steps passively.

I bet they don't even keep the stats anymore for Keith Richards.

That’s what I sometimes imagine the afterlife must be. But then you have to go through all the things you’ve experienced during your life in alphabetical order.

“Ok so these were all the moments you had a little farsightedness, up next all of your farts in a row”

I masturbate a lot, but, that's excessive. Also how is everybody glossing over the fact that he only had 3 gfs and he had sex 1,597 times? Like what?

First story in David Eaglemans book Sum is about this and goes a bit more into details with a fun twist: https://annas-archive.org/md5/78ce796e77c9b0bd0b4f1fabae08ca35