Is it a raw fish with onions and pickled cucumber?

Cut the tail off before serving and I'll give it a try. (To their credit, at least they removed the head.) It looks similar to the pickled herring that comes in a jar in the states, and I eat that shit like it's candy.

Looks like it's being served on an old facemask, I think the effect is there lol.

Nope. It's raw fish (herring) with raw onion. The pickles are optional (and regional). You eat it by holding the tail, dipping it in the onion and then lifting it above your head and lowering it in your mouth: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/31/Haring_03.jpg/1280px-Haring_03.jpg

Garlic? The fuck

counterpoint: i hope there's garlic in me. soon.

You described Dutch cuisine in general.

Das sind nicht nur die Holländer. Quasi alles, was da oben an der Küste rumfleucht ist seltsam, sogar die Deutschen.

Yes (apart from the tail, bones, and head). It's honestly very nice.

Yeah, everything but the tail.

No, it quite literally looks like what cartoon alley cats eat in old cartoons.

This herring has been processed though. It has been cured in salt and put in a brine

I think they referencing the traditional way to eat maatjes, lifting the whole thing by the tail and lowering it into your mouth

It's definitely processed and also it was a funny joke because for Americans eating a fish mostly intact isn't all that common. I don't even like seafood and shockingly that doesn't mean I eat ultra processed food every meal. I know, hard to fathom something different from your own diet.

Eww it's not even from a big brand and doesn't have 76 mystery ingredients

I'm constantly amazed by what Americans call food.