We did and are happy that the friend said it sounded nothing like me, and of course she didn't know this person so it didn't make sense to take her word for it.

My main priority is my partner, so I'll talk to her more about me talking to (24M). He is a longtime friend, so I would never stop talking to him of course, but it does feel unfair if I were to exclude him from new friends I make. Perhaps this is a boundary I can make with him.

Edit: I'm still in two minds, wouldn't it be controlling to tell him not to invite people to events with her? I don't really believe in: "they're my friend first so therefore you have to follow my rules".

Thanks for the reply! This isnt so much affecting my relationship with my partner because I don't want to explain things to my partner, what she heard from her friend didn't lead to any further questions about this ex relationship because I had already talked to her about it. My partner and myself feel uncomfortable that my ex has said these things to her close friend. The only thing my Ex could know about this friend is that she knows me and my partner before telling her these things. I'm not entirely convinced that she is out to get me like my partner is, but I'm definitely uncomfortable and don't have the energy or time to deal with this again. I've moved on with my life and my partner wants nothing to do with my ex in the first place

Im really not sure why people are thinking I want to control my ex's actions? She can do what she wants to do. I don't want to control my friends either. Our current plan involves not introducing people, maybe that is rude but it's not affecting people's autonomy. She can talk to who she wants, my friends can do what they want, and my partner and I can chose to have a life detached from her all at the same time.

Idk people seem very chill with an ex of 3 years deciding to divulge to someone who they know to be our close friend but are total strangers otherwise our relationship drama from 3 years ago.

I'm of the mind that this is a vindictive transgression, but I'm not interested in finding out if it turns to something more. Why can't I choose to protect myself from someone that is A. Doing things that upset me and my partner and B. Not a person who I owe anything to?

Our problem is that my Ex is involving herself in our life when she is not wanted and it is done in a way that feels adversarial, and doing this after 3 years it concerns us that this may happen again. Maybe we are being anxious, but I can't imagine anyone thinking it's okay for someone's ex to go out of their way to talk to your friend, who is a stranger to them, like this. We don't want to have to deal with this as a regular occurrence.

Of course the things she said are things I don't want my friends to hear. Some of it is embarassing, some of it is straight lies and some of it is personal. The lies are easy, but I don't want to be discussing the fine details of an ex relationship with my friends. If you can handle an old relationship always being brung up, having to discuss it in detail with friends and give me side to an already been and gone story is something your fine doing were just built different. I don't want to be thinking about this in 2-3-5-10 years, and what if my partner is right and she does something worse? Why take the risk?

From my partners perspective, some random person, who had a relationship with me is A. Trying to involve herself in my life and B. Trying to cause drama with her friends. She finds the behaviour unpredictable, and a breach of her personal life by a stranger.

The question solely surrounds my friend (24M), we have a solution but it will affect how I can socialise with my friend. I respect that he is friends with my ex still and it hadnt affected our relationship up until now. I'm just kind of sad, because there was no problem between me and (24M).