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Relationship Advice

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My (23M) Ex (24F) aired our relationship problems to my current partner's (28F) best friend (29F) (lemmy.world)

submitted 20 hours ago by ofthemasses@lemmy.world to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

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Hi,

My (23M) partner (28F) of two years recently had a conversation with her best friend (whom is also a dear friend of mine) (29F), and was told that my Ex (24F) of 3 years aired our relationship's dirty laundry to her. I am no contact with my Ex, the relationship ended poorly and I only have one friend (24M) who has any contact with her. That friend invited our (29F) friend to a party which my ex was also attending. During the party my Ex struck a conversation with her, and told her just about everything that happened in the relationship. Needless to say this wasn't a very balanced take on what happened, and involved a lot of private information. I'm not sure why my ex decided this an okay thing to do, but me and my partner feel this is very strange behaviour, especially 3 years after our break up. My partner believes she is trying to jeopardise my new friendships and her own relationship with me.

Our current strategy is to seperate any of our future friendships from my friend (24M) that is still in contact with my Ex to avoid a situation like this happening again. Although, I'm not happy that I have to seperate my social lives for this reason. Does anyone have any better solutions, or other advice. Especially if you've had something similar happen!

For additional context my friends partner is best friends with my Ex, so it wouldn't be easy to talk to my (24M) friend.

Edit: I think there is some confusion of what is meant by seperating friends. The idea was to avoid mixing them when doing parties or get togethers, essentially not introducing them. If they meet outside of this that's just how life goes. Having a second read I could see why some people could feel that this might have included enforcement; telling our friends who they can talk to. That's not the intention at all.

Edit 2: Why are AI agents allowed to comment here? Especially in a community related to relationships, ick.

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[–] NGram@piefed.ca 5 points 18 hours ago (1 child)

Edit: I’m still in two minds, wouldn’t it be controlling to tell him not to invite people to events with her? I don’t really believe in: “they’re my friend first so therefore you have to follow my rules”.

I'm not saying to make it an ultimatum or anything close to that, just let him know the details of what happened so he can be aware that it could happen again and how that makes you feel. Hopefully that'll make him mitigate the problem in the future, either by playing interference between your ex and your friends when they're nearby, by making sure your friends can handle the minor drama before putting them in a situation like that, or by not putting your friends in a position like that at all if it's too much to handle. His actions are his own, but you're also allowed to set boundaries.

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[–] ofthemasses@lemmy.world [S] 1 point 17 hours ago

Honestly, he's a good friend and I think he would be open to doing that. Thanks a bunch for giving more detail, that's really good advice.

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