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It could happen… any day now (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 weeks ago by to c/animemes@ani.social
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[–] 21 points 2 weeks ago (17 children)

But what is the alternative, huh? Going outside and approaching someone (in a non-harassing way)? That would be madness.

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  • [–] 30 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

    To be fair "non-harassing way" is a bit subjective. I've seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider "harassing". I've also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I'd consider a reasonable time & place.

    And the loudest most unreasonable people on both sides dominate the narrative online, which makes the whole topic seem more fraught to young guys than it really is in real life.

    The truth is one person's "playful teasing" is another person's "harassment". You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn't help anybody.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 weeks ago

    To be fair "non-harassing way" is a bit subjective. I've seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider "harassing". I've also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I'd consider a reasonable time & place.

    Yep; and this is a big problem of mine. As I'm quite pessimistic my default assumption is that a simple greeting is likely to result in a negative reaction. A similar problem is approaching individuals / groups (for whatever reason) in general: are they free to talk to or is that a closed group who would feel bothered? Hard to see from the outside.

    You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn't help anybody.

    I agree. And as long as a no is respected promptly, no harm should be done by trying. But tell this my anxiety...

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

    Remember, when trying to start a conversation with a woman, follow rules 1 and 2:

    1. Be hot
    2. Don’t be not hot

    :(

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  • [–] 7 points 2 weeks ago

    "Be hot" is subjective, and a lower bar than most people think it is. Taking care of yourself and making an effort to dress nice goes a long way. Personality also plays into it quite a bit. I got a lot more success when I started making an effort to maintain a positive attitude when I was out socializing and I'm someone the incels would tell you has absolutely no chance.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    Ngl that taught process is part of the online incel culture. I have a lot friends who are women that don't even think about it.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 weeks ago

    It makes it a lot easier though. When I’m in good shape and my hair is looking decent, it’s pretty easy to chat up girls at bars and parties. Plus 10lbs, it gets significantly harder. Add an unfortunate fuckass haircut, not a good time.

    Reality can be cruel. Of course this goes the other way too, and it is far, far from a rule. Personality can make up for a lot. But when you’re trying to talk to someone you don’t know, looks are the first thing being judged.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago

    Go to the hardware store and pick out light bulbs. It's annoying because there are so many different kinds. You'll end up standing there and talking to several people over a 15 minute period, commiserating over lightbulbs mostly. Some of them will be attractive women. There's your jumping off point.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

    happy roomba day!

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

    Thanks, I guess :D Can you explain the roomba joke to me?

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

    you got this little roomba

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    • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

    I recently had my experience with a friend I really liked since we first met a couple of years back. Let's say it didn't go well and I discovered I have BPD. I already got a no for an answer and tried to move on, but it's almost impossible. The last time I was this attached to someone, I stayed like that for around 8 years until I met her. Not sure it will be the same this time, but I'm afraid someone else will come and become that person again and repeat the cycle... It's damn horrible.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    Not sure how old you are but I eventually got over that. For me being a lot more socially active and hanging out with a bigger group of people helped to get away from that.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    22yo here. I am very socially active, but that doesn't change anything. Borderline Personality Disorder isn't really something you can get over with by being more sociable, as a matter of fact it sometimes makes it worse, because it makes you feel like you're in a limbo, not really sure about who or what you are or if you really matter to any of those people. With time I found out that hanging with fewer but way more close friends works better for me. Now regarding emotional attachment to someone (often called FP, Favorite Person), that is very hard to control and often just happens. It is pretty fucked up, but at least I'm somewhat getting used to it and slowly starting to understand it.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 weeks ago

    I apologize, my reply was not clear. I didn't mean being more socially active helped with bpd or that it was something that could be "gotten over".

    I was referring to the "favorite person" aspect. Having a wider social circle helped me to spread my attention around and not get too fixated on any one person.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    I was just about to respond to the post with:

    "Not true, a person who would normally be out of your league but actually has BPD could swoop down on you and ruin your life at any moment"

    It's still funny, but I will pad my attempt at dark humor with a congratulations to you. The sooner a diagnosis is made, the right meds sorted out, and a solid therapy plan set, the sooner you will find relief from the cyclone of emotions and be able to live your life to the fullest.

    It's a tough hand to be dealt but not an impossible one to get squared away and maintained. You undoubtedly have a lot to offer to the world, as well as a special someone, so just keep putting one right step in front of the other and it'll all work out.

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    • [–] 3 points 2 weeks ago

    Wut? Happen to me, just hangout in places horny women go to.

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    [–] 2 points 2 weeks ago

    Girls don't exist silly

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    [–] 2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    Meanwhile, a girl did approach me and I didn't believe her.

    Because I was a prude and not believing her was convenient.

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  • [–] 2 points 2 weeks ago* (1 child)

    Bro you missed out. A girl approached me too, and I did believe her. (Her coworker convinced her to ask me out.) We've been together 8 years and now we own a house. So don't give up boys, as long as you follow the two rules, she will eventually find you.

    (Also, dress well and have a skincare routine; women love men who take care of themselves. TBF that's part of the two rules, but it's worth mentioning.)

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    • [–] 2 points 2 weeks ago

    Meh... He's got everything he needs in that room already.

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