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[–] 91 points 4 weeks ago (6 children)

Just once I want to do a scrum meeting where everyone is baked as hell.

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  • [–] 19 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

    Filing an impediment because the cafeteria is out of microwave burritos.

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  • [–] 82 points 4 weeks ago (7 children)

    Jokes are serious business. My grandma took one marijuana once and she died. OP are you trying to kill my grandma?

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  • [–] [S] 44 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

    Miisha the Grandma Killer reporting for duty! /s

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  • [–] 9 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

    Grandmas are statistically public safety hazards and a burden to not for profit healthcare systems 😂

    Probably best we don’t let the machines make the kill grandma decisions

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  • [–] 33 points 4 weeks ago (5 children)

    Taking a photo of a bottle of bleach next to an empty bottle of liquid sugar and giving it the caption "we ran out of liquid sugar, but what the customer doesn't know won't hurt them" and then putting my phone in my pants and waiting for the notifications to arrive from people helpfully informing me that "that's not funny at all, that kills people!"

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  • [–] [S] 12 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

    Wait...liquid sugar? That's a thing? Since when?? 😭

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  • [–] 5 points 4 weeks ago

    Coffee places use it pretty often. It mixes into the coffee better (considering it too is a liquid), but some people don't like the way it feels on their tongue, or the slightly different taste. You can usually ask for granulated sugar though.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago

    Simple Syrup.

    If you want to sweeten a cold beverage (lemonade, iced coffee, whatehaveyou), regular granulated sugar will not dissolve effectively.

    Some people ask for their iced coffee with the sugar melted...that is, they put the sugar in and essentially make an adhoc simple syrup with hot coffee instead of hot water, then fill with ice and chilled coffee.

    I personally think that's disgusting, because that automatically waters down the coffee. I'd rather have any of the flavor "shots" they offer, which is essentially just simple syrup plus flavor.

    Or I'd just get artificial sweetener, because most of them dissolve better in cold beverages than regular sugar.

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  • [–] 18 points 4 weeks ago (13 children)

    Is it legal to take drug tests on employees??

    I thought it was a movie thing...

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  • [–] 46 points 4 weeks ago (4 children)

    In the US you are basically told that you either do the drug test or you are fired. So technically you "consent" to it.

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  • [–] 22 points 4 weeks ago* (2 children)

    Not drugs, but at my workplace (in EU) breath alcohol tests were common. Well, sort of. The managers were supposed to walk around with breathalyzers and test x random employees. But that would be inconvenient, so it got reduced to signing a form.

    "Are you drunk?"
    "No."
    "Can you sign this form stating I tested you?"
    "Yes."
    "OK, thanks."

    Anyway, I guess drug tests are more involved. How are they done?

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  • [–] 10 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

    My employer cold calls people. If you are contacted, you have 2 hours to report to the "wellness center" (on site) to take your drug test. If they cant get a hold of you, they call your boss. Then its their responsibility to track you down.

    If youre a remote employee, there are labs all over the country that are approved facilities for you to go to and take the test.

    We do random drug tests every quarter. And being selected doesnt exclude you from future testing. You could, in theory, be tested 4 times a year.

    I personally havent been pulled in about 8 years, but the guy sitting next to be got it last week.

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  • [–] 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

    Be vague, but can you tell us what industry you work in?

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  • [–] 7 points 3 weeks ago

    Not the commenter you replied to but I work in Canada at a NERC controlled facility and I don't get drug tested that hard. One test when I got hired and the agreement that they can test on suspicion or with probable cause. The only way I get randomed is if I had to do recovery paid for by my company for drugs or alcohol? And the only guarantee is being involved in an incident.

    So to me it sounds like that commenter is working in America, probably in the south? Super anti drug and random drug tests are used to weed out minorities as well.

    Also as an aside the fact you can go on a meth bender and test negative a couple days later, but legal weed in my country is flagged is fucked... and yes even though it's legal in Canada they can't prove the difference between recent use or intoxication, so if it shows up on a test you pissed hot and need to deal with it.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    Random. Sure. I bet there's a bunch of managers sitting around trying to guess who's on drugs by minuscule drops in performance.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 weeks ago

    It aint like that around here. Ive been here for 15 years and have only heard of 1 person failing a drug test. And he was a hell of an employee. Impossible to replace.

    And it is random. The selection is orchastrated by a third party. All we do is provide an up-to-date list of names every quarter. They handle the selection and all other logistics/coordination required

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  • [–] 5 points 4 weeks ago

    As with anything that happens in the States, it depends. I'm sure different states have different laws regarding testing, but what I'm most aware of is that some employers do pre-employment testing, and others will test after events.

    I work in Illinois where weed is legal, so they're less testing for that and more for other substances. I work for a hospital, they probably want to know if a new nurse hire is positive for unprescribed opioids. Likewise, if a forklift driver runs into something causing damage, they're going to get tested as well.

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  • [–] 13 points 3 weeks ago

    Ik is a joke but one idiot did it once many puked like hell and a girl had a panic attack or something on the likes. Thing all hell broke loose they fired him he was sent to jail form some months and the family of the girl sued him. Higher ups got a scalding scolding we were not permitted to share food by like a year until someone figured out we are all not that stupid.
    I heard he still thinks is funny...

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  • [–] 10 points 4 weeks ago

    I would do this but with an extremely low dose, so no one would notice

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  • [–] 9 points 3 weeks ago

    Well, if they only do random drug tests, they will only fire whoever is the poor fellow who draws the short stick. What an asshole move.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 weeks ago

    That's one way to form class solidarity

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  • [–] 7 points 4 weeks ago (1 child)

    Isn't this a plot point in Workaholics?

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  • [–] 24 points 4 weeks ago (1 child)

    That's actually pretty smart - the lab would probably invalidate the entire suite of test because the results are statistically very unlikely.

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    [–] 14 points 4 weeks ago (7 children)

    So this person, put drugs into brownies, very likely didn't tell anyone about that, and that because of a drug test.

    Yeah I don't think a company should make drug test except if your job can kill someone if you are impaired, but fuck that particular piece of shit.

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  • [–] [S] 26 points 4 weeks ago (3 children)

    Yes, don't worry, this totally happened, y'know? /s
    Sorry for being snarky, but come on. Yes, this is a shitty thing to do (also illegal). No, this didn't actually happen. It's a dumb Twitter meme.

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  • [–] -1 points 4 weeks ago (2 children)

    You would think that this never happened, and whoever posted this probably didn't do it. But there is no end to human stupidity and malice, so someone did do this shit. And I for one don't want to even laugh about it because thats how we got fascist and nazis back again laughing at jokes which progressively normalized it.

    Also don't be sorry for being snarky, that's just you being you^^

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  • [–] [S] 11 points 4 weeks ago

    But there is no end to human stupidity and malice...

    True...and you don't have to laugh about anything ofc. I just...don't know how we got from a really stupid weed brownie joke to fascists and nazis. And tbh, I don't want to continue this conversation anymore. Have a nice day ❤️

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  • [–] 5 points 4 weeks ago

    Could have very well come from people lecturing about how joking about random things is what gives rise to fascism, leading to some to want to rebel against you.

    It's like a good portion of the left follows a playbook that is the opposite of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Like How to Put Off Potential Allies and Alienate Strangers, though I acknowledge that this comment itself is more from the second than the first one.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago

    This is devious. And part of the list of reasons I do not eat food items offered by colleagues.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 weeks ago*

    So if you have coworkers on IPS and do this you will get them sent to prison with all the horrors that ensue. Don't do this.

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