Im ready to call my father-in-laws VA benefits socialized medicine and watch his head explode

Pretty sure doctors just use cell phones

I still use a pager!

I work in a facility where we can't have cell phones, so if i need to be reached, i get a sweet sweet page. Its different now though, you just text it and the text shows up. I cant respond to it on my pager, but you can tell me what you need and i can go find my phone to reply.

Shit. Im not even sure i want to find it anymore. I kind of want to preserve the memory of my formative years.

Mine was titled something extremely generic like "2 cum swapping hotties" so its been impossible to resurrect. But i remember those 2 ladies, one in a red top, and one in a black top, at a mansion with a nice view, outside, better than any porn ive watched in the last 20 years

Need the pop tab to chug properly. It allows air in the top so the beer flows out the bottom

Its a 24oz can of yuengling.

This reads like someone wrote the words and threw it into ai and said, "add a lot of emojis," and thats what came out

Our IT guys have a stash of them. I quickly learned that you dont need a ticket and they would GLADLY give you a spare.

I've heard Tuesday in the afternoon, like 2 oclock is the best. They can go home early and tuesdays are just... Tuesdays

delicious chamber

The chamber is delicious. A chamber is an enclosed space. The chamber has enclosed the delicious.

Also, man is wearing an oven mit. The chamber is currently enclosing the delicious.

I scared the shit out of one of my employees. I went to his desk around 330 on a friday and asked to see him in my office. As we were walking across the room, we got stopped 2 times, prolonging the walk.

He later admitted he thought he was being fired for some reason because "office talk" at end of the day friday is how that stereotypically goes, and being stopped twice was excruciating...

I literally wanted to give him more money lol. I convinced HR he was under paid and we needed to pay him more so he wouldnt leave the company. I thought that'd be great news on a friday afternoon, but i almost gave him a heart attack in the process

My ex named her two cats Pork and Beans