The only answer

Ooh you touch my tralala

They don't knock.

FedEx in Sweden doesn't even leave their warehouse to succeed in making their failed delivery. Same with UPS. It's honestly impressive how successful these two companies can suck at doing the only thing they're enlisted to do.

I can see in tracking that my packages first get scanned upon arrival to their regional warehouse, and then within 15-30 minutes it becomes "failed delivery, no one home". Even if I was to be their first stop, driving from the warehouse to my house would take at least 2 hours. Maybe they're actually trucking it at 300km/hr, but then I'd notice the police chase. But no truck ever seen. Many days I worked from home because I was to get an urgent package that never came.

After the first few times, I joined their "My Choice" and "Delivery Manager" or whatever they call it... but that did absolutely nothing, even if I explicitly choose "leave the package at my doorstop, I don't care if someone steals it", the shit still never leaves their warehouse!

I have never seen the face of a single FedEx or UPS man in real life, despite having 30+ packages from them over the years. Maybe they don't dare to show themselves after screwing me over for so many years...? But then they could at the least just throw my packages outside my door and run for their life instead of hoping I'm going to drive to your warehouse and pick it up myself!

If I want to buy something and don't see a PostNord or DHL option, I'm not buying. And if it ends up being FedEx/UPS somehow, I contact the seller to choose something else, or to just give me a refund directly, because it's not gonna arrive.

And what might come as a surprise for some Germans, DHL here works wonderfully basically 100% of the time. Thank you Germans for doing your jobs ❤️

Those FedEx scumbags creep up to your door like a ninja, slap the sticker tag on your door, and sneak off with the package still in the van.

That's if they knock at all

False, FedEx don't knock

I don't see cold on the cob, which is my favorite.

FORCEY FUN TIME, jesus christ XD

I swear I heard like a third of these said by Alex in A Clockwork Orange

I prefer being american than talking like this lowk 😭🙏

This couldn't be written by a brit, dont they call gravy brown sauce and white sauce?

FYI chap is Scots for knock. So it's essentially called Knocky. That ain't very Dickens.

Dictionary proof: https://dsl.ac.uk/entry/snd/chap_v1

Tolkien's first draft

Huh, never heard that one. My teacher once said "arrêtez donc les conneries avec les sonnettes" so we called it "connettes" but I'm fairly sure that was just a handful of grade 4s, that one year.

If you rearrange some of the letters in ginger you get the hate crime version of the name from the US South.

Uh... Who is going to tell him?

Also from southern UK and we called it knock down ginger. Looked it up and found this:

https://idiomorigins.org/origin/knock-down-ginger

Where ginger is to move "gingerly" i.e. cautiously or carefully. Can't comment on how valid that is but that website says the term has been in use since the 19th century.

We called it "Knock a Door Ginger". Like you, never understood the Ginger significance

I'm from pretty much bang centre of the UK and we called it Postman's Knock.

Do you want to know why? Well I've no fucking idea. My brother called it that so I called it that.

Mhm, midwest US and N***** Knocking was what we were told it was called, because of course.

It became Ding Dong Ditch once we grew up a little.

Honky Hookin'

If it came from the old world as "Knicky Knocky," it would make sense* that the racist US version would sound similar to that.

/* As much as any racist shit "makes sense," of course.

Rural southern person here we called it Knock, Knock, Dash how is that racist?

Spent some childhood in coastal Mississippi and I can attest this is the case

This is all I've ever heard it called.

Could also just translates to Pin Pon Dash. Yes ピンポン can translate to Ping Pong the game but it literally says Pin Pon which is Japanese onomatopoeia for the doorbell sound.