i believe this one

Fake because it wasn’t really a bottle of ranch.

Gay because it was really a bottle of jizz.

At least anon probably won't reproduce.

Anon went to a party with an acquaintance, not a friend.

I didn't drink ranch, but that's pretty much what happened when I was invited to a party where only 1 person there was someone I knew, and they spent the entire night basically ignoring me. Not one person even asked me who I was or who I was with. :/

OP knew how stupid of a decision it was, made it anyway, felt appropriate embarrassment, then posted it in a place they thought they would get group pity to validate their self pity. Group provides validation and the behavior has no motive to change. <- 4chan™

If you were too shy to make a scene, why even stage the ranch-drinking stunt? You have to lean into weird things, not do them timidly. Stand up and ask, "Hey, where do you keep the ranch? I'm thirsty."

Otherwise, it just looks like you're trying hide that you're drinking a glassful of someone else's ranch. Being (intentionally) funny is hard and not for everyone. It requires you to have an accurate barometer for the social weather of your audience. If you can't even start a conversation with a stranger, you're not ready to pull off room-wide goofs, successfully. You're more likely to end up as a clown than a comedian.

SMH, didn't even do the lipsmack-exhale and say "that's some good ranch!"