I left Reddit to get away from that, but unfortunately there still seem to be a fair number of users here that also are convinced men are the real underclass, victimized by everything.

I think I mostly run into it on meme communities. Is that just the destiny of all meme communities? To be overtaken by MRAs? It sucks because I genuinely like memes, but I don't like randomly being smacked in the face by misogyny all the time. Any other communities I should avoid?

Any insight or tips appreciated πŸ₯°

all 58 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] 18 points 3 months ago (1 child)

I see posts like this sometimes and wonder wtf they’re talking about.

Then I see how huge my blocklist is and realize I’m probably having a very different Lemmy experience.

  • source
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [+] 17 points 3 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 17 points 3 months ago (6 children)

    I'm sure this thread can only lead to productive discourse.

  • source
  • hideshow 6 child comments
  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    On the plus side a lot of people are going to block OP for this post and that would prevent them from stumbling over the rape cartoon community they moderate.

    I didn't think shit like that was allowed here, and I definitely don't want it popping up on /all

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 6 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    No, seriously, block me if you find any kind of pornography triggering, I highly encourage it. I don't want anyone who is uncomfortable with it to run across my work and I don't really want to deal with kink-negativity, either.

    That said, slut-shaming or kink-shaming me won't invalidate my point, which is really what most of you are trying to do with the ad hominems.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

    You've yet to share some examples of misogyny. Because, in my experience as a frequent poster/scroller, misogynistic posts get downvoted into oblivion and the comments are filled with "fuck OP" types of things. It's mostly silly stupid shit, like earlier I started a corn revolution in shitpost.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (2 children)

    OP self identifies as degenerate, is offended other degenerates exist. because you know, be my flavor of degenerate, not that flavor.

    this is peak cinema. we can only have one underclass, and it's MINE.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] [S] 3 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I'm not really sure what you mean. You think it's somehow hypocritical to like porn and dislike running into "women use makeup to LIE TO MEN" memes every day? I'm afraid I don't see the contradiction. It kinda seems like you just have a problem with women who express sexuality and think we should accept poor treatment.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 12 points 3 months ago (15 children)

    I will join the chorus asking for examples of what you are talking about. Any actually misogynistic content I see is typically massively downvoted.

  • source
  • hideshow 15 child comments
  • [–] [S] -4 points 3 months ago (14 children)

    I'm going to be honest, I'm a little perplexed by the demands for evidence. I didn't really ask to debate wether or not my experiences are real, I asked for some advice. The typical thing to do if you're unfamiliar with the topic at hand and therefore can't offer any advice when asked would be to not offer any. I don't know why people are treating it like a challenge and it's my job to convince you, but I have some guesses, like, for example, that a lot of you aren't ready to accept criticism of something you don't like, or that some of you have some internal work to do that you're not ready for.

    Other commentors here know exactly what I'm talking about without demanding proof. It's not just me. I'm sorry if I misjudged you and you're actually just very interested in learning more about me, but you don't come off like that at all. You come off like you're prepared to dismiss any examples I tried to show you anyway.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 14 child comments
  • [–] 8 points 3 months ago

    I mean, I am re-reading your post, and it doesnt look like you are asking for advice, but rather seeking a discussion of an observed phenomenon. You use phrases like "whats up with X?" and "is it always the fate of Y?" Then at the end you ask for suggestions of other communities to avoid, which seems, at least in my reading, to be the only time you are asking for advice. So in a post which seems, for the bulk of it, to want general discussion, it seems reasonable to want to see specific examples of what we are discussing.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (12 children)

    Well you're saying something that is blatantly untrue and then pretending its a pervasive issue you're being forced to deal with here every day. Meanwhile this is one of the few places its actually very uncommon and widely frowned upon. Only makes sense if you're trolling.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 12 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (11 children)

    Yeah, your post where commenters were musing about how "naturally consensual" 14 year olds are is what made me block the shitpost community on Lemmy.world.

    I may not be popular in the meme communities, but I call out shit constantly. Y'all just want to be able to have your casual misogyny without any pushback at all.

    You're allowed to post it here, but people are allowed to respond to it as well.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 11 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (10 children)

    It's a daily constant occurrence that is universally approved of and pushed? Because that's what OP is saying in the post and comments.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 10 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago* (9 children)

    I see sexist comments every time I’m on Lemmy, yes.

    Sometimes they’re even DMed right at me.

    Whores die from whore diseases

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 9 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (8 children)

    I just see a loud small minority being treated as if its the vast majority. I feel the same about the shitty rape apologist/pedophilic comments you brought up. It just seems disingenuous to paint Lemmy as being a bastion for sexism where it's pushed, accepted and promoted. I wouldn't engage with the site or any of it's communities if that were the case. I'm more suprised that if you believe it is, you choose to.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 8 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (7 children)

    I think that most men have a blind spot for this kind of sexism and while you may feel the same as I do about these topics, I don't think you're immune from said blind spot.

    If the vast majority was better about calling out the "loud, small minority", then maybe the minority wouldn't feel so big. Silence is complicity.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 7 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (6 children)

    But thats what I'm saying. I see the vast majority consistently calling out, downvoting and arguing against that minority. Significantly moreso than any other mixed online space I've engaged with. That's the difference I see and I think is being completely ignored. The overall cultural stance here is strongly against. Whereas every other major platform even remotely like this isn't. I guess pushing for better isn't a bad thing but I see it as a disingenuous angle. If anyone can make an account and engage, shitheads will poke out, its the way they are reacted to that sets the cultural standard. I see the way they're reacted to being highly negative. I see it as, there are some sexist people on Lemmy and they are consistently treated as shitty by the majority. Not, Lemmy is a sexist place for sexist people.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago* (5 children)

    I see a lot of those comments heavily upvoted and supported, especially when an OP is a woman. Take a look at any of violet's posts and comments to see a clear example. You should really look through that post I linked to you - it's the women of Lemmy talking about this issue.

    You should have seen the type of comments and DMs I got when the Graham Platner rapist story was revealed.

    There are some communities where it's better moderated than others. I find Lemmy to be significantly worse with the misogyny than Reddit for example. When men are the overwhelming demographic in a place, sexism and misogyny are allowed to flourish. Lemmy is reminiscent of early Reddit and 4chan these days.

    Your comments are coming really close to claiming "Not All Men!" as a way to wash your hands of this.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 5 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (4 children)

    That is fair,I do typically avoid Violets posts because of her age. Even at only 32 it makes me a bit uncomfortable. But I'd feel the same if it was a self proclaimed 18 year old male posting about how much they love drinking piss. It's good she can express herself and all, just not my thing to engage with personally. I read through many of the comments and I can't disagree sexsim exists here. I still strongly believe its the small minority and consistently frown upon by the majority. Aside from all that, I just so heavily disagree with that entire last statement lol. Considering lemmy to be even remotely close to old or contemporary 4chan/Reddit is completely insane. It kind of makes me feel you've not engaged with old or contemporary 4chan especially but reddit too. You know both sites have in the past and currently still host literal footage of rape,murder, sexual assault. Especially 4chan, there are at all times a "women rekt" (videos of dead women, them being raped, killed and/or assaulted) threads floating around. Reddit has dedicated misogynistic non kink communities with thousands of participants. The part I think is most important about that also, it has NOTHING to do with an actual ideologic stance. Its about advertising and making money. Thats why subreddits like jailbait, incel , etcetera. Only started disappearing when big money started coming in. Communities and posts like that do not and have not (to my knowledge) exist here. Clearly that's based ideologically not financially. I just really see that last paragraph as so completely ignorant and disingenuous.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 4 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (3 children)

    Considering lemmy to be even remotely close to old or contemporary 4chan/Reddit is completely insane.

    The part I think is most important about that also, it has NOTHING to do with an actual ideologic stance. Its about advertising and making money. Thats why subreddits like jailbait, incel , etcetera. Only started disappearing when big money started coming in.

    That's exactly why I can compare Lemmy to early Reddit. Lemmy hasn't embraced advertising and making money, so these views are still tolerated and allowed to exist here in a way that is moderated differently on Reddit now.

    There's pros and cons to Reddit going public.

    Those views are quarantined to those subreddits while the sexism spills out on Lemmy everywhere.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (2 children)

    So why don't communities like jailbait, beatingwomen, incel, watchwomendie etcetera exist here then?

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    There's not as many users on Lemmy and since those spaces already exist and are populated, people are going to use those spaces first before creating them here. In addition, times were different back in the early aughts when Reddit came to be.

    Comparing them doesn't mean they're the exact same beat for beat.

    The sexism in Lemmy is pervasive and I see it every day. Most of it is casual sexism like positing that women are geriatric in their 30s or women are gold-diggers or women choose to harm themselves with plastic surgery. Whether you believe the multitudes of women saying this same thing about Lemmy is up to you.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago*

    Early aughts, you mean like 2 years ago in Reddits case and literally today in 4chan's? So its not that Lemmy wouldn't tolerate them, it's that nobody has tried and if they did, it would go well.... We are gonna go in circles. I disagree with you but realistically I'm not the one affected so that doesn't really matter. It sucks you have to deal with any hate. As with our prior pedophile/rape apologist conversation, I'm going to continue to call out shitty behavior and I know you will too. I appreciate the discussion Velma.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    You know I was confused at first but you see I block all meme communities. So I never see the stuff.

  • source
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

    I've recently blocked https://lemmy.world/c/memes https://sopuli.xyz/c/memes, some posts on there just have a weird vibe to them, almost like facebook

  • source
  • hideshow 4 child comments
  • [–] [S] 2 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    That might just be what I'll have to do, too. Any suggestions for better meme communities? I guess I can always start one lol. It seems irritating to have to specifically have a separate meme community where misogyny isn't tolerated, but it seems like it's the only way to be able to enjoy funny images without being jump-scared constantly by people insisting that the evil wimens are gonna get half in the divorce111!!

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
  • [–] 7 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    blahaj has zero tolerance for misogyny, so I'd recommend any meme communities there, like 196

    you're also very unlikely to find any mysoginistic posts on the .ml instance but that one has occasional tankies

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (9 children)

    You have some examples of what you're talking about? Seems ironic to be upset about misogynistic jokes in a meme community while posting images of extreme sexual violence against women. But, I can't judge until I know specifically what you're talking about.

  • source
  • hideshow 9 child comments
  • [–] [S] 4 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I want to be really clear that I'm not posting abuse images, which seems to be what you're implying. Artwork is allowed to be as dark as it needs to be and I'm open to discussions about how kinks don't form in a vacuum and are influenced by the patriarchy, but to pretend hentai is the same thing as "extreme sexual violence against women" is deliberately disengenuous.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

    Sounds like the same defense I've heard creeps make about lolicon. Kink is one thing and I'm completely aware how and why they typically form. I'm not even here to kink shame(I'm into plenty of freak shit), just point out the irony.The drawings are depictions of extreme sexual violence, no? Do you have examples like I was talking about? Every blatant misogynistic post I've seen, even in meme communities gets absolutely blasted by comments and downvotes.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (6 children)

    I mean, it's porn. And that kind of stuff is actually pretty common as far as kinks go. Being into intense power dynamics for sexual reasons with consenting partners doesn't mean you actually think that it's okay when women are violently raped.

    Reminds me of having other women tell me I'm being abused and have developed some kind of Stockholm syndrome because I like being tied up and slapped.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (5 children)

    I'm not saying it's uncommon or even wrong necessarily. I personally engage in plenty of highly kinky activity. I'm saying its an ironic juxtaposition to see. Gee guys what's with all the misogyny here (literally have seen almost none and any that crops up is downvoted and aggressively commented on) by the way here's a photo I drew of a teenage girl being raped and beaten. You have to admit, it's a bit of an ironic idiological clash. Sure, you can divorce kink from every day life, I understand that. But I see the initial premise of the entire post as being false. As I've said in my other comments, I haven't seen a pervasive daily barrage of misogyny in all the meme communities. When asked to provide examples so I at least understand what they are referencing, they go quiet or put blame on those asking. All that said I'm fully convinced this is a troll/bait post and it's working on me.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 5 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    I haven't seen it either but I don't see how their art is actually relevant or an ideological clash. Maybe kinda ironic sure but that doesn't actually mean anything. I guess I'm not sure your point in bringing it up beyond basically muddying the waters.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 4 child comments
  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

    If the topic is anger about misogyny and the OP makes misogynistic art (even in the vacuum of kink) I feel it's a relevant aspect of the conversation. Even if just to point out the fact it is ironic. Misogyny is only acceptable when its portrayed in the specific context I like. Admittedly I was also triggered by the fact the first drawing below OP's post looks like a child being raped. You lose me when you start including kids in your rape fantasy, even if its drawn. That made me want to figure out what exactly OP was trying to do/prove. Which, again I'm fairly certain is just bait/troll.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Again it just doesn't come across as relevant at all because it's not what they're talking about it. It comes across as, again, muddying the issue. They're complaining about misogyny, so why do they have this weird kink? Well, it doesn't matter so there's no reason to bring it up.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)

    Is the art they make misogynistic? Leaving out the pedophilic angle. This is true, I used to date a black girl who liked being called slurs in bed. Now, say I made a post about how bad and pervasive slurs are on Lemmy. The first two things that would come up are, no they aren't/can you show me that, and wait, aren't you the guy who used slurs with your gf?

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago*

    I mean looking at their art, I just see adult characters so there's no pedophilia angle to begin with unless we start going down the actually misogynistic rabbit hole that we need to infantilize petite women. If unless there's actual children in their art but I'm not interested in hunting through their backlog.

    And no, I don't think their art is misogynistic. Being into power dynamics in bed is not misogynistic.

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Memes are one of those things where a few people make most of them and everyone else just shares them. A lot of memes are made to appeal to get people on the MRA ramp.

    If you have people posting popular memes that they are pulling from random or popular sources on other sites, there will probably be MRA memes mixed in there.

  • source
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    It's not a zero-sum game. In fact, it's not a competition about who's the most oppressed at all. Someone advocating for men isn't taking anything away from any other group. It's just the group they happen to most relate with. Some people dedicate their lives to helping dogs and I doubt you'd take issue with that either. Also, men doing better leads to women doing better as well and vice-versa.

  • source
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (4 children)

    I have seen very little misogyny on the fediverse, and only block people who interact with me personally in an annoying way or who post the same shit (that I don't like) a lot.

  • source
  • hideshow 4 child comments
  • [–] [S] 2 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    I would say I've seen very little compared to reddit but I'd like to get it even closer to 0 if possible

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    there's only a few options that you have available to you then.

    1. block people as they call themselves out
    2. only visit women only communities that are heavily moderated
    3. leave the internet

    there's people that think differently than I do, that's ok. I accept that I'll never have a 0% chance of interacting with them and just have to cope with it when it does happen. it's not unfair, that's just life.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    only visit women only communities that are heavily moderated

    You should see how many men force themselves into posts in women's only communities simply because it's women only. That alone confirms the misogyny problem on Lemmy.

  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago* (1 child)

    If you're talking about the greentext and 4chan-y sort of meme communities... I mean... it's 4chan.

    Like, the latest post in !greentext@sh.itjust.works is about James Bond and mixology. And then at the end it's ableist.

    I'm not sure whether that community is run/modded by people that think "it's fine if it's just jokes" (which I don't agree with, for the record) or if their justification is a bit more convoluted. (Maybe something like "everyone knows to expect this community to be filled with bigotry of every single sort, but at least if they come here to this community, they'll see such stuff in a community/climate where few would try to pass that off as a good/normal thing than if they went to 4chan for these memes, and people probably won't stop viewing them even if they're not available here." Though, then again, the comments section of that community is pretty bad as well. At least far worse than most of the rest of Lemmy as far as I've seen.)

    But yeah. Any community that's mostly dedicated to 4chan content is gonna be pretty well dripping with every sort of bigotry you can imagine.

    Are there other meme communities that have these issues, though? I can't say I've noticed any, but would love to know at least some examples.

  • source
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] [S] 5 points 3 months ago

    I'm not talking about that but that's very true in general about 4chan lol

    Someone else will have to provide examples, like a few other commentors here I've decided it's probably best to just move in and block those communities!

  • source
  • parent
  • [–] -1 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    Do you look for this stuff? I've never come across victimized men stuff here or really anywhere.

  • source
  • hideshow 2 child comments