Thank you for this. It will be well used going forward.
Them soapy tiddies.
Hilarious. That’s the point.
What frustrates me most about my wife’s Kona is that the shift stick is gone & you have to use buttons. That & how confusing it was to figure out how to open the charging unit when she first got it.
Gave up alcohol & went vegetarian.
No cap
I guess so. Really need someone to teach me how to help myself though.
Hold on, I’m learning how to order. Hope this guy can teach me how to help myself.
Not sure if I should sleep or rejoice…
Do you fuckin’ use filler words?
I almost got into a fight with a Christian the other day. He’d insulted a woman for no reason & I called him on it.
He then followed me around the store. When I loudly told him to get the fuck away from me he said he wouldn’t. I ended up asking him to step outside.
While I would have gladly beat the shit out of him, the problems it would bring just aren’t worth it, especially not because of this douche.
I could tell he was expecting a fight so when we were nearing the door I told him to come around the corner & talk.
You know how you can tell when really dumb, obviously lonely, bigots start shaking when the adrenaline hits? It was clear he was ready to explode so when I started to talk in a calm voice he seemed super confused.
I told him that it was a dick move to insult the woman. He responded brilliantly with “Well at least I don’t use the F WORD!” as if language pegs people as sinners. I explained, calmly, that using that language is part of my commitment to authenticity & that the way I used it, saying get the fuck away from me, was not considered fighting words. Thinking on it, that’s probably the opposite of fighting words.
My minor in Religious Studies came in handy &, this might piss some of you off to learn that I’m now a polytheist. I’ve always been an amateur scientist & was agnostic until about 5 years ago. A few concrete spiritual experiences with several different deities or messengers of different spiritual systems I’ve had led me to understand that, for me, God or a higher power or whatever works for you is the universe, our collective consciousness, & basically everything.
Most of the experiences were with Egyptian Gods but also Aztec & Finnish Paganism. & actually Christian which was definitely not expected. But the gist is that I have my own personal spiritualism & personal relationships with these messengers & actually know my shit.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to push it on you. I only suggest you find what works for you & let other people choose their’s.
So I, of course, asked what Jesus would say about insulting some rando.
I watched his eyes roll back leaving a tiny crescent of iris, the space between his scraggly eyebrows, with this one weird extra hair that was just begging (BEGGING) to be plucked, crinkle into a search for any remaining crumbling bits of frontal, let alone prefrontal, cortex, & his mouth drop open.
It was pitiful really.
Watching this grown-ass man try to figure out what to say that could show he was right & just keep thinking “Nope, not that one. Noooo, that doesn’t work, nuh-uh, damn!” etcetera, etcetera, etcetera was akin to watching the slowing struggles of a duck hit by a car &, despite rushing them to the emergency vet 5 blocks away, they pass right before your eyes.
Yeah. That sucked.
So I interrupted the creaking, rusty mechanical gears’ fruitless attempt to conjure up something, anything, by explaining that Jesus told us to love each other with agape, which is basically love for humankind itself & all its members.
His response made clear that he hadn’t read his scripture. I was nearly dumbstruck when he actually said:
“WELL, WE’RE ALLOWED TO CORRECT THEM [other people]!!!”
Nearly.
I realized he was a Fox News Christian who worships talking tv heads more than he understands the true words & meaning of what he claims is his religion.
I explained the general meaning of:
• Matthew 7:3–5 (NIV): "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ... First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Basically, before you shit on someone else, check to see if you’re going to get shit on & maybe take steps to prevent that from happening to you any more rather than impose the same thing on another person.
It went on. He tried to argue a couple times & was an easy mark. In the end, I think I got slightly through enough to get him to feel kinda confused to learn that Jesus wasn’t an asshole elitist. He was obviously surprised when I held out my hand & thanked him for talking outside. I like to blow their mind that way.
I do NOT believe a person should subscribe to a religion. Doing so just closes you off to the rest of this incredible world, makes a person subservient, & instills the views & interpretations of the priest or pastor, or whoever leads a congregation.
But if you, for some terrible reason, decide to do so, do what I told my fifth graders when teaching writing.
READ THE FREAKIN’ PRIMARY DOCUMENTS!!!
Thanks. I’ve been wondering where these were since I watched this scene from Samsara in 2011.
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