also bodes well for El Seyed being the man we hope he is

I see you gathered quotes from the oval office

is there a list of onion headlines that later happened in reality? this one still would count because the headline refers to the announcement which did happen even if the actual event was canceled

missed an opportunity to depict it as a tuxedo cat

do you have a source for that? also what do you recommend as an alternative?

your neighbor's unemployment

unemployment

some of these onion headlines are so plausible I have to assume one of them is going to happen in real life at some point

we have anti-propaganda laws?

we would lose about a third of our human biomass

this needs to be the amount you would see on a slow day, but it's a great start. I also read somewhere that the "pelican" ballistic missiles were used.

this strategy has worked historically. just overwhelm your enemy until they run out of ammo or men. assuming you have enough troops to throw into the meat grinder anyway.

drones changed everything though. most aren't even getting close to the front line before getting killed.

as for why they are not adapting I think it's because commanders are getting lied to about the situation in the ground. if your intelligence is bad your tactics will be bad.