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I answered an ad like this posted by Elcid Barrett back in Nova Scotia. Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers.
I don't know that I'd recommend the career.
I'm sorry about your legs.
Eh, you can't sing shanties if you've got two legs, and you don't own a boat, and you've got no beard.
God damn them all!
Elcid Barrett
I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line
But times were tough and though I tried, the money wasn't there
'Til bankers came and took my land and told me "Fair is fair."
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always "no."
"Hire you now?" they'd laugh and say, "We just let forty go."
The government, it promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum.
But I thought, who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone.
I'm gonna be a pirate on the river Saskatchewan!
I don't know the tune, but it works to Banned from Argo.
Can I bring my pet parrot ?
You also kinda need to be able to hoist sails, tie knots, swab decks, carry heavy loads, wield a cutlass effectively, and all sorts of other things...
Eating rotten food is also important. Do it in the dark so you can't see what garbage you are eating...
But why is the rum gone?
That's not good enough!
Happy cake day! Sorry we're all out of rum!
Why are we always out of rum?
I see myself as more a manager type. Could I just tell everybody else what to do?
So you want to be first mate, do ye? Arrr... well... aye.
But first ye must pass a test. Wear an eye patch over each eye and then walk a tightrope from the poop deck to the crows nest. To prove your leadership skills!
Also sleep in a poorly ventilated room, in a tiny hammock, with 50 other men. Don't worry, you'd probably sleep well because you'd be so exhausted from the crushing physical labour. You'd be eating simple, unflavoured bread / crackers that are so hard that they need to be dunked in water for several minutes so they don't break your teeth. And, speaking of teeth, your new job does come with healthcare, but that's mostly tooth pulling and limb amputations. Anything else and you just need to suck it up. No sick days either, you show up for your shifts, 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week. Sickness is probably pretty common. 50 men sleeping in the same crowded, airless room. No washing, no soap. Toilets are simply a plank with a hole above the ocean. No toilet paper either.
But, you do get to sing sea shanties.
The fact that there's a performance based profit share is a huge draw
I know this is a shit post, but you really can voluteer to sail the world with the Nao Santa María,
https://www.fundacionnaovictoria.org/
I've been on it a while back, beautiful ship.
A [*squints*] ~20 gun frigate with a crew of only 30-50? That's sounds like a startup nightmare. You'd probably want double that to be comfortable.
"Get in on the ground floor of our fast paced, dynamic environment! Must be self starter willing to work watch-on-watch for the team. No sick days."
That musical instrument list is a joke! No squeeze boxes? No woodwind? No percussion?
Is alcohol tolerance required?
One day when the toungin' is done, we'll take our leave and go.
you forgot to mention the hurdy gurdy
I can’t play any of those instruments but I know how to make hard tack edible and can reef a sail.
I’ve also got a copy of Lobscouse and Spotted Dog for making authentic sailor meals
🎶 What will you do with a drunken sailor, what will you do with a drunken sailor? 🎶
🎵early in the morning 🎵
While I love the joking in the comments section, I can't help but feel a bit sad.
I'd give almost anything for another sea going posting.
How do you even make the bass stay upright? Do you have to freeze it with its mouth open?
I'd cut off my leg to attach a peg for the opportunity to be a pirate over my current job
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Low wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success.
I hate my job, but at least I don't have all the scars in my body unheal and open up.
No concertina? It's like the piratey-est instrument!
The concertina has historically been a favorite instrument among people who travel often (due to its small and compact size), leading it to be a common instrument among soldiers, sailors, and cowboys. One was even brought aboard Robert Peary's 1891 expedition of the Greenland Arctic. Despite the pop-culture association of the concertina with the Golden Age of Piracy, the concertina was invented approximately 100 years after the heyday of piracy in the North Atlantic.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concertina
Huh neat.
I mean I currently work part time at a scuba shop, so I guess I’m at least partially qualified.
Pillaging and killing people without much repercussions is maybe a good point.



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