Deflection: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/deflection

The act of attacking or blaming another person rather than accepting criticism or blame for your own actions: Deflection is a psychological defense mechanism.

DARVO - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

I think what she's doing is called externalization. She's not able to recognize and/or tolerate her own internal state and is projecting onto you. Maybe she feels shame for what happened and can't tolerate feeling shame, so she's treating you like you should feel ashamed. All this is arguable though

A Narcissist's Prayer

That didn't happen.

And if it did, it wasn't that bad.

And if it was, that's not a big deal.

And if it is, that's not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it.

And if I did, you deserved it.

Reminds me of when we sent a tech out to someone's home to set up a workstation. The wife of the guy getting the workstation backed into his car, and drove off.

After seeing the damage to his car, our tech went to tell the husband, and before he could even say anything the husband said, "my wife hit your car, didn't she?"

It's happened often enough that this guy didn't even need to be told. He knew.

I hate how people use this word for everything nowadays, but it could actually be narcissism.

Darvo? Not really a word but it’s a thing.

MAGA?

Sociopath

Psychopath

Narcissist

All three of those personality disorders could characterize that type of behavior.

They do something wrong but it's never their fault. It's always someone else's fault.

Christ, that's something my SO would do. And then later deny that the event ever occurred.

Asshole

It sounds like your mom's a bitch

Trump

Asshole?

Republican

Republican

Isn't that the definition of "gaslighting"?

Sounds like DARVO

Narcissist

Narcissist. Just ask, what would Trump do? That's narcissism.

That's so specific there has to be a yiddish word for it. IIRC a "schlemiel" is a guy who goes to a fancy dinner and spills his soup, and a "schlamazel" is the guy he spills it on. There has to be a word for somebody who uses scapegoats.