I spent my 20s in college and LAN parties. Try them... it's a blast!
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I feel for the new generation.
Some were born in recession, grew up in covid lockdowns, studying with AI slop, and the the job market is shit. And some losers are trying to create unending wars.
The world is now on hard mode by default.
Came here to say this.
No matter where you live, the people coming into adulthood now don't get to experience the world we did, and they know it. And what's worse is the unlikelihood that any of them will ever get elected federally in order to try and actually change it.
Don't feel too bad. I am old, but I made just about every incorrect decision you can and had a rather dull youth because of it.
I grew up rural (not my fault, but still sucked) in a place I did not fit in. Wrong color. I went to college, but skipped living in a dorm and went straight to apartment. Met nobody, made zero friends in two years. Did meet wife, so that's good.
Moved to different city, went to commuter college, lived off campus. In final year, started making friends, then moved away. Moved cross country, lived in small town of mostly retired people. Worked in different town. No friends for two more years. Moved to LA. Made some friends, moved again.
Moved to Pennsylvania in suburbs. Bleh.
Lesson is, live around others, don't move so much. Stay put goddammit and don't treat friendship as disposable because you know you will move again.
Living many places was kind of fun, but now I'm old and have few friends. The ones I do have all live far away, so I see them maybe every five to ten years.
Pick a place that is good, don't bail when it's not perfect and dig in. Maintain friendships.
As someone who did live like image 1 in late 20s and early 30s, it sucks so much when you have to go back to image 2.
Maybe better not to experience it at all.
It's not too late to change your ways.
Oh sure, lemme just pull out all this disposable income and time I have for drinks, cab fair. Yea its definitely within budget to spend $50 round trip traveling + $50 buying rounds + $30 food + etc etc etc.
For sure I can do that 3-4 times a week to be social. That's only like ~$500 a week. Or ya know what, maybe we just cut down to like twice a week, thats only $1k a month. Who cant afford that, right?
Ya know what, maybe we just need to cut some costs. Hmmm cab fair is expensive, let's just drive! That's easier anyways, let's get drunk and drive a couple days a week because we cant afford to be responsible AND sociable...
EDIT: actually, know what, I thought up another way to save some money. Lets save some money on food. We can't afford to be eating out all the time anyways. So yea, lets go out, drink on an empty stomach and drive home. Making some changes! Making friends! Going out and being social!
Drive to each others places and don't drink. You don't need alcohol to have a good time with friends. Hang out online. Meet people who live in walking distance.
None of these options is perfect; we'd rather be able to meet exactly whom we want, and do exactly what we want when together. But the topic is socialising, not socialising in exactly the way we prefer.
Most of my friends don't live in the same city as me, so it's not easy for me either. But by one method and another I still have social contact.
What's your monthly streaming bill? (Hoping you say $0 because YAAARRRRR!)
I'm not trying to presuppose everyone's lives or say they have to be a certain way. But we can do things to be with people that doesn't cost money or even involve drinking. I realize that I live in a very walkable, highly mass-transit-friendly, extremely accessible city. BUT, spending time with friends, playing games, riding a bike, walking, etc., are all ways to stop streaming and make changes.
I get it. You're trying to unseat my statement as insensitive to your plight. I meant it in good faith, though. There was a time before smart phones and limitless streaming. We hung out, we played music, we read books, we drew, we painted, we lived. We can still do it.
It's hard. I'm trying. I try to draw every day. I spend time writing for a D&D game I DM for. I write music and try to get through the dumb darkness we're living in. Streaming comes at the end of the night when I am going to bed.
Good luck. I wish more social life and socialism for everyone. :)
Sounds like a very car centric lifestyle. I moved to a bike friendly city and my outings cost much less. A six pack of beer from the store will last me two nights out. A night out might be biking to a friend's place for board game night or doing a group bike ride with stops on the way. Night out costs like 5usd. Granted, that's not the only socializing I do, but in the summer especially I bike or walk 99% of the time.
Just move to Europe. /s
But seriously, it's crazy to think that people can't afford to go out because of transportation costs. When I was in my 20 I would just walk to the city center or take a tram, drink $1 beers and go back home in a bus. Now I take $2 train. It's so sad that Americans built their shitty system on purpose.
There’s places to live where you don’t have to drive. Your attitude suggests that will not happen where you live within your lifetime.
I’m not sure if you have the ability to move, but it could cut down on transportation costs for going out. It would probably save money on daily commutes as well.
Ah yes, "just move" man, I wonder why people didn't think of that? It's so simple!
I get what you're saying, but it's the equivalent of telling a depressed person "have you tried being happy?".
As an external observer to this conversation, you're not reading taking part in good faith. Try to understand the intention of their replies.
I did everything I could to not say “just move” while still giving it as an option.
What I was trying to say is that there are more options than owning a car. Find other means of transit. Vote for other means of transit.
If you are stuck, I am sorry.
You can save money on food if you steal it and save money on alcohol if you steal it and drink somewhere you're not allowed to be instead of a bar and have a designated driver or use a bustrain which is just lots of busses hitched together but usually only like two anyway maybe learn something from queer culture this is why the second half of being gay is doing crimes it just seems like all your socializing is investing in conspicuous consumption stuff and you can just not 9r even get together with your friends to like build stuff or whatever I promise there's options
You could just go to the park or some other free venue
The issue is getting others to do the same
That would require friends, which is a factor beyond my control...
Not 100% under your control, but certainly not "beyond control"
I can't control other people. Other people can choose to not be my friend, to not invite me anywhere, to not talk to me, to leave whenever I show up.
No, having friends is something beyond my control.
Having specific friends maybe, but get out there and you're guaranteed to find someone who's on your sine.
Wow, it's really like you have no idea what I've actually been through and experienced over the years of trying to do exactly that and persevering even in the face of rejection, ridicule, derision, and scorn.
Alone might be depressing, but at least it's peaceful, and I'm getting too old to rock the boat, especially now that I've attained a modicum of mental stability.
it’s really like you have no idea what I’ve actually been through and experienced over the years
It's not just like that, it is that. But I also have trouble making friends.
I have one good friend who constantly irritates me and another I have tea with occasionally. I would like to have two or three friends, ideally people I like (this is surprisingly difficult).
I'm shocked to hear you've faced rejection, ridicule, derision, and scorn. The most I've faced is blank looks or text messages left unread. I really want to know what happened to bring about those responses.
I really want to know what happened to bring about those responses.
Typical NT response. "It must be your fault. What did you do to deserve it? It couldn't be that society is programmed to reject anything they perceive as deviating from the norm. It couldn't be that!"
I rewrote that part like three times before giving up and just putting that. I'm aware of the ableism inherent in the statement, but please try to read my comments a little more charitably. I promise that will be a more accurate understanding.
I believe you and I don't blame you, but I am curious about these scenarios if you feel like talking about them.
If you could give me an example of the kinds of comments you would like to hear from me, that would actually be hugely helpful. I'm not as NT as you assume. :p
I don't feel like talking about them. They're the kinds of memories and interactions that I try to shove down whenever I think about them. Those painful cringes that hit like a dozen or two dozen times a day, random memories from all throughout my life, all adding up to reaffirm the conclusion is reached long ago that literally nothing I say or do will ever be accepted as "normal," no matter how hard it try to conform, or even especially when I try just being myself.
So no, I won't deliberately spend mental energy trying to remember specific interactions and putting them into words. It's like wack-a-mole, and there are thousands of them, so once I push down a particular memory it might be months or years before that specific one comes up again. My inner life is like a kaleidoscope of painful flashbacks.
I don't need to hear a specific comment from you. I'm sorry, but you're not gonna save me from myself. It's fine, that's not your responsibility. Thanks for understanding though. Most people don't exactly validate my struggle when I mention it.
Honesty just be
The best way to meet people is to talk to random strangers you happen to see once and a while
Right, in a world where everyone seems to be saying "Don't bother strangers in public, nobody wants to be bothered!" I'm supposed to just go out and... talk to strangers... until I magically make friends?
So all the things people criticized me for in the past (i.e., talking to strangers who apparently didn't want to be bothered) are now precisely what I'm supposed to do to overcome the symptoms of the social rejection I experienced from being labeled as someone who talks to strangers in public?
Yeah, I'd rather die alone than twist my brain into knots trying to decode that jumbled mess.
You need to learn to read the room (and individual people)
Yeah, that's something I'm just not capable of. I tried for years but it always left me perplexed. Humans are strange, ambiguous creatures, and I don't have whatever it is that let's them decode each other's hidden meanings. People have always expected me to just magically know without being told.
I don't get it. I never have. When my imagination is all that's left to fill in the blanks, it comes up with some pretty grotesque distortions. I no longer place any credence in anything I don't know for fact. I'm too old to lose my sanity again trying to figure out whatever the fuck "read between the lines" even means...
You're seeing the consequences of young people growing up during COVID. It is very, very difficult to unlearn what we were socialized for in our youth.
For most people who experience this, it literally is too late to change their ways. It's possible but requires extreme effort and likely years of therapy.
There's no amount of well meaning aphorisms older generations can pull out to make this better. It is a public mental health crisis and needs to be treated as such, not treated as individual failure.
I think the biggest issue is that we have shifted culturally. People still need social connection but from a cultural perspective it is less appropriate to be social.
I think change is easier than people think as it is just a matter of forcing yourself to break cultural norms.
Privileged boomer right here
No war but class war. I will defend my Gen X brothers and sisters to the end.
for having the privilege to sit on your asses and do jack shit and then sitting on your asses and doing jack shit? bravo gen x. bravo. is that what you wanted?
I'm a millenial. I don't need your approval and never asked for it.
You're the one stuck on generational infighting.
If you want to reduce intergenerational conflict, it helps to acknowledge the pain and how society has failed the less privileged.
As a millenial, you likely had a fairly normal childhood, a privelege many GenZ did not, due to COVID.
Obviously this isn't your fault, and older generations have privelege you don't have. If we want to advance class interests we need to be intersectional, and acknowledge the unique problems that affect some groups more than others.

I was born in 1973, bitch. I'm no boomer.
You got a channel that actually had music in it :)
GenX is called boomer-lite these days
You had a nice house and TV in your 20s.
Between rent, school loan, car payments and groceries I was pretty much tapped out. Pulling 60hr weeks I didn't have social time even if I wanted to.
20 years later I never made new friends but at least I'm working a normal 40hrs. Still paying all the same bills and still no time. But I do see the same parents at all the kids activities. That's close enough, right?
I do see the same parents at all the kids activities. That’s close enough, right?
that's pretty much how my parents socialized, so...
Agreed. Just depressing how the moment your kid moves up to a better or different team and poof, your "social network" is gone and needs to be replaced.
yeah. the trick is, finding the parents in the groups that you are actually real friends with. not just acquaintences. having a small regular gatherings with those close friends, the ones you want to keep in touch with. it takes more work, but it is worth it.
this is advice coming from the outside so take it with a grain of salt. it's like, hey, shit shoveler. shovel more shit. you have too much to do already.
Yeah I think we all get the concept. The issue comes down to time and resources. My "free time" starts around 1AM after all my adulting responsabilities are done. At that point a movie or a book and sleep is all I have time for. Next week is a mild week with 5 days of kids activities, 2 birthday parties, and hopefully finding time to mow the lawn.
yeah, my wife and i don't have kids and even we are going on dates buying groceries. i don't know how y'all get it done.
You mean you own a house? Wow man congrats!
Wait a minute, you had furniture AND a television that was fairly up to date? What sort of bougie person is this?
Honestly, just moving into a semi-walkable 120k pop city did wonders for my social life. Its literally just the convenience of being able to just go and socialize on a dime basically whenever.
People moving into suburbia and rural areas are insane. Just asking for mental illness.
Too bad cities don't come with friends
I've lived in 4 of the biggest cities in the world and I've just hit 30 and moved rural - smaller cities are best for socialising, but depending on your hobbies rural can be better than big cities. Completely agree that walkability is key, just adding nuance that I don't agree that cities in general are great like I used to - it can be very hard to live a nice life in a major city
You are going to need to elaborate. Are you saying you choose frequent access to outdoors hobbies rather than socializing or ease of access to a community?
Sure! Big cities can be super isolating, especially if you:
- don't drink
- don't enjoy clubbing
- don't drink coffee
- don't play or enjoy sports
- live in one of the 'less desirable' areas, due to living costs or proximity to work.
Even when some of these weren't true for me, people who are well established in large cities generally have well established social groups and, although they might be lovely people and very welcoming, aren't really in the market for proper friendships. Those who are also new to the city like you are very prone to move on themselves within a year or so.
Conversely, people in rural areas are simply desperate for friends. Within 2 months of moving to the country, we had different 2 couples who made it clear they wanted to give being friends a proper go - simply because they are desperate and we seem like we're on a similar vibe. There's definitely much less variety in sports, especially high level stuff, but conversely (as you said) we now have much easier access to great hikes/day walks. People here are also significantly more likely to be interested in gardening, pickling, jam making, bread making - all the self-sufficiency stuff. Much less of a "grindset" which can be super exhausting. Oh! People in rural areas also seem to be more likely to like board games, which my partner loves.
Don't get me wrong, I love big cities - the amazing food, the great public transport (I LOATHE driving), the culture and events. Everything has pros and cons though.
Conversely, people in rural areas are simply desperate for friends. Within 2 months of moving to the country, we had different 2 couples who made it clear they wanted to give being friends a proper go - simply because they are desperate and we seem like we’re on a similar vibe.
You lucked out. I've lived in a ton of rural areas and its almost always Trump country and at best maybe some centrist/libertarian wackos or even if there are lefties they're religious or something. The only rural types that are OKish are the hippy types, and even they can be annoying in large doses with their nonsense spirituality, smell, and cliquey musical tastes. I never end up living near the hippies though.
That said, "desperate to make friends" is something I have observed in rural and suburban areas. Its just by living there, so are you. I'd rather be able to filter through a large number of people and find people that match my specific beliefs as close as possible than be stuck with a dice roll of just a few (sometimes distant) neighbors.
Sorry, I don't really check for notifications here. Yeah, I suppose America might have a different culture. Most other "1st world" (i.e. white) countries are relatively similar though in my experience. There seems to be plenty of diverse non-bigoted people around, even if there is a definite shift that way in the average mindset.
Rural area can be walkable as well.
I'm living in a village (~1500 people), we have one car for 3 adults and the car is used maybe once a week on average.
Everything else is done walking or biking. Walking the kids to school taking a path along a steam of water, there is several bar and restaurants in the village center, a bakery, a small grocery shop, a local producers shop, a market, barber ... I'm working remotely and I have a coworking space in the village as well.
The streets are always busy and everyone say hi to each other.
We just need to have less car centric spaces.
Love this. Where is this? I'm trying to convince local people that we can develop less car-centric spaces in rural areas and I'd love more examples to use
I'm in France.
Euro-rural just hits different.
American rural is usually something like "5 pioneer families started farms along a dirt road here 100 years ago, but the market on corn bottomed out and they mostly sold their plots to housing developers or speculators, and whoever didn't move out either works at the gas station or in the city an hour and a half away to support the drug habits of the ones that couldn't find work".
Villages can be ok. It still fundamentally limits you to the median type of person though, and I'm pretty strange and picky, I need big numbers so I can find my people.
Walkable city of any size, really. The show in the picture takes place in NYC which is huge but great for getting around without a car, so you can get drunk and have fun. Of course you probably won't be walking from Queens to Manhattan, but you can take the subway at least
Most of my 20s took place in a very walkable city of 90k and at some point I lived next to my favourite bar. I didn't spend much time at home.


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