Beyond lies "soaping while sobbing," for the afflicted with a busy schedule.

That's during the afternoon shower

Before bootyhole business

Small water heater tanks are the worst.

Quit describing my showers!

Pro tip: if you turn up the water heater, you get more bootyhole time

Shower chairs make this process wonderful. Also like 45 minutes if you fall asleep (when your spouse comes in to check on you)

I do it in bed.

My brain likes to loop every scenario that can happen during the day (When I'm at work. When I'm off I'm just a house cat). So I always set my alarm at least an hour before I plan on getting up (I can start my day at work mostly on my own schedule).

So say my alarm goes off at 4am, (unless I've woken up 45 minutes before it) I hit snooze. And I just lay there in the dark, snuggle the dog, get comfortable, and let my brain work out all the anxiety and situations it needs to. Alarm goes off, my brain knows it's 4:15am. I have 45 more minutes. Hit snooze, get comfy, stretch, let brain work through the noise. Repeat.

Fast forward to 5am. I get out of bed, get dressed with my work clothes already for me at the end of my bed. I let the dog outside while I pour the coffee I prepared the morning before on a timer into my big travel mug, wait for dog to come back inside, kiss dog, kiss wife, grab keys and go.

I'm normally out of bed and out the door in roughly 15 minutes.

If you're blue collar you shower after work, white collar showers before

I sit in an office all day, not much filth. But yeah, if I go for a bike ride and get all sweaty, I'll shower after, but then I'll usually forgo the next morning's shower... only usually, because morning shower helps me wake up.

if all I did was sit at home all day, yeah I don't usually shower before bed

but most of the time it's both morning and night

Most shower heads are capable of moving enough that your head isn't always in the direct path.

I mean, the water isn't running into your head while you're doing it. You turn the water off when you shampoo? Don't you get cold?

I've never understood shower wanks. Water is a terrible lubricant.

the money I spend on water and gas is well worth it