According to authorities, the Rhesus monkeys were on their way to a testing facility in Florida

"Florida Man's Outbreak Monkeys on the Rampage in Mississippi"

Damn. I’m taking stock of everything we’ve lost in the headline:

• no reference to “slammed,” “burned,” or other intense attack words
• accurate summary of the situation
• nothing overstated
• no key details left out
• isn’t a listicle
• nothing inviting the reader to see more by promising the rest of the headline in the article, none of that saved-you-a-click shit

My god, this might actually be good honest journalism!

If you go back and re-read the article, you'll find it's been edited, and now has no mention of any diseases and says the monkeys weren't infectious. So I think it was clickbait, after all.

Except that it did turn out to be lying clickbait.

a troop of aggressive monkeys carrying diseases dangerous to humans

a bunch of Mississippians running around with firearms who have been waiting for this very moment

itsthesamepicture.jpg

I'm now imagining RFK, Jr. managing a major national health disaster.

Yup. When I read the article a few hours ago, it was a lot scarier than it is now.

Everybody makes occasional mistakes, but the journalistic norm is to append a correction, which isn't here. Something like, "An earlier version of this story incorrectly reported that the escaped monkeys would kill you and your family. WLBT regrets the error."

Yes it's kinda crazy they completely changed the article and there's no indication that they changed it

Your employer would give you a day off for zombie apocalypse? Most of us would have to take a sick day and bring a doctor's note.

Fairly certain this was a film, based on a Robin Cook book….might have been Outbreak.

I was thinking Jason Statham, but yeah.

They also have hepatitis C

lol, there it is.

Well some good news and some bad news.

Good news out of North American wildlife none should be susceptible to these diseases.

Bad news just all the humans on the continent are

Neither good nor bad, wayyy more humans in Mississippi already have these diseases. 40 monkeys is nothing. Unless they were experimenting with something weird

“That driver there? That’s ol’ Hank. We told ‘em them monkeys had 5G COVID on the account of so he won’t try to have his way with one of ‘em. This is Mississippi after all…”

I would definitely bet the driver didn't say anything like that and the cops just called in whatever they thought they needed to say to get to shoot monkeys.

The headline sounds like the B-movie spoof of this one.. "These monkeys have herpes AND COVID... and they're fucking pissed"

Sounds like a job for Jimbo

Sadly, unlikely, as the monkeys are wildly unable to, in such an alien environment, identify banjo strumming from other less-foreboding native wildlife sounds.

Mine implied that the truck made it further along toward its destination, but yeah: samesies

That's kinda how wild animals come outta the box.