“We understand this outrageous act would have traumatic and we hope the poor riot police officer can recover from this journalist’s decision to not dodge the projectile that chose to go towards her.”

Did you see the size of that video camera? The thing is probably capable of at least 60 frames per second, PER SECOND.

At this point the onion needs to create a real news network called "The Shallot" or something because they've become more reputable than big outlets

It’s The Onion, but that doesn’t mean it’s implicitly untrue.

Fuck, I ate it.

None of this is funny anymore. They can't go any crazier than the shit happening on the daily.

Maybe they should do an about face and start telling the types of jokes you'd find in a joke book you'd get from a 2nd grade book fair. Anything to distract from this reality.

Dystopia isn't funny if you're living in one.