What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

First they came for the spring rolls...

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

Literally 1984

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

My spring rolls, my choice.

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

Too late, please advise.

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

Lest I checked, this was a free country

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

What about egg rolls?

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

Health and safety gone mad

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

AI or Stupid humans?

Can't have any fucking fun anymore, what's next, I'm not allowed to shove croissants up my anus?

Where else am I supposed to store them?

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

How about don't put anything in your anus unless it was specifically designed to go there

What if I already did hypothetically what would I do if I had already done that hypothetically can someone help me hypothetically?

I can do whatever I want >:(

About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.

The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."

So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.

IT IS MY RIGHT!

You're not my real dad, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

There go my weekend plans

Well obviously not frozen. And also not straight out of the fryer. But left to cool down, after cooking. Why not?

What, do you think I'm going to put that in my MOUTH???!!

What about lumpia? Asking for a friend

Thanks to the new administration the Fierce Agents of Rectum Tenderisation (formerly Ass Secret Service), an untrained elite force of volunteers, can now inspect the depths of your rectum without a warrant or notice.

They try to be a pain in your ass to keep the country safe!
You sure can't plug them away!

(Not to be confused with Butt Patrol Agents)

Shit it was at the entrance! Glad I was scrolling Lemmy with Elvis Can’t Help Falling in Love, playing in the background.

Do they expect Assy McGee to starve??

Welp, there go my weekend plans

Too fucking late Doc, I’m farting essence of fried cabbage and cat meat until Thanksgiving’s giving.

We should tell this to RJK Jr, he said to not listen at experts.

Just .... just don't double dip

What if I cook them in the air fryer instead of in oil and let them cool down first? When I talked to my doctor, he seemed to indicate it was a good compromise as long as I stick with organic ingredients.