Wait, you are capable of taking care of what your child accesses online without the government censoring the internet for everyone??? That's impossible!

FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE

Sounds like something Strairdrac the Netherwatcher would do.

I mean, crabs are dangerously enough already with those strong claws, do we really want them learning how to read too? Think about it….

[taps forehead meme]

Forbidden knowledge.... You must forget the crab people....

Good thing we humans don’t have to actually worry about sea creatures learning to read and using that knowledge to hide amongst you as some sort of secret invasion in your primitive human societies, eh? That’s such a silly thing to think about. Heh…

I like to pride myself on being knowledgeable enough to clarify and expand on carcinology topics on Lemmy, but I don't know enough about crab neuroscience to know how effective this would be. I'm sorry, Lemmy.

I believe 'crabs' used to mean an std at some point, but I don't remember which one. And as we all know, sexual knowledge of all kind is scary stuff, so... Oooooh, protect the kids!

This design baffles me. If you have your parental software set to block certain things, sure. But why would it need to snitch on attempts to access specific content? If your kid is smart and able to bypass the filter you'd never be notified anyway... So either block it or don't!

Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll

[x] Teaching crabs how to read

click

[ ] Teaching crabs how to read

phew, bullet dodged

The way this is phrased, looks like some dystopian authoritarian government might send as a last warning to a parent

Kaspersky

For a computer security program it is overreaching to the point of ridiculousness.

Teach the crabs how to read and the next thing you know lobsters will be doing the tango. It's a slippery slope my friends.

Russian spyware.

"Wait, what? Why?"

Carcinization!

Who could have gotten that Strairdrac, the Netherwatcher would seek forbidden knowledge?

Wish my parents named me something cool like stairdrarc the netherwatcher.

There's a list of things to not mess around with. Crabs are a bit lower than squirrels, but not by much.

We must never let the crabs know about carcinization, or they will become insufferably egotistical.

If crabs could read there would be no stopping them.

If they teach crabs how to read, there’s a risk their society will advance to the levels seen in Carcinia, leading to a downfall of overcleanliness as king camtcha bleaches the city against the advice of his wizards, throwing the entire old ocean into disarray.

Genetically Engineered Crabs Pose No Threat

As someone who is into this era of retro computing, I'm so glad that there is an incentive to keep producing them at a somewhat okay price!

They are really essential and without alternative, for example for a reinstall.

This is so fucking sad

Having some shitty corporation already monitor your children lest they gain the forbidden knowledge and lest the parent would have to spend actual time with their kids.