Or the guy fixing up his fishing cabin with his buddy.

"Some kid just hucked himself right into the wood chipper!"

The worst thing is having to scroll farther and father down when selection your date of birth in online forms. I'm like "why does this start after 2000? kids don't use this thing" and then I realize people born in 2008 are 18 now.

Fuck that!

I’m the old guy laughing maniacally in the rocker on the porch; urging them on!

Depends on your film genre though.

Currently I am old enough to be the mentor figure that gets killed off to motivate the hero.

I used to be the voluptuous final girl and now I’m the old hag. At least I still have a role, and now I’m winning!

Did I just say something vaguely threatening, or offer a foreshadowing clue to your survival and vital plot progression?

Who knows?

It felt nice to age out of the standard military draft (in the US)

These are the very same college kids who choose to hide behind the wall of rusty chainsaws instead of getting into the running car that has enough room and fuel to get them all to safety

I was given my first senior citizen discount today without asking 😩

I'm the kooky conspiracy not-quite-middle-aged guy who tries to keep to himself that people try to avoid but turns out he was right the whole time

You're probably in the ripe age to be the center of the mystery in Files of X

Yeah, we should definitely have horror movie sequels where the ones who managed to get away from the stabber/slicer/decapitator is now a person living nearby and interacting with the new kids coming for their scandalous swimming/camping/drinking party time and warning them off being killed. It would be a cool callback.

I’m not warning anyone. That would require talking to them, screw that.

I’m the somewhat creepy next door neighbor vaguely spotted on the way in as a little spook to set the tone, who watches the shenanigans from the kitchen window but doesn’t answer the door when they inevitably follow the light onto my property at midnight. I just keep watching. I’m not getting involved with my insane neighbor, but I own this place so I’m also not leaving. This shit happens every few years, and I’m over it.

There are plenty of other people passing along those warnings, if they didn’t listen, that’s what they get.

They won't listen, such is life

Eventually, you morph into Danny Glover all the time. "I'm getting too old for this shit!"

It’s not the best part but it is a nice perk

and yet, still in the horror movie.

But what if you work at Camp Muderblood? 🫣

You might age into store clerk who may or may not be murdered by Anton Chigurh before long.

I'm the middle aged paranoid techy guy that is locked in his fortress with cameras everywhere that will somehow end up dead the moment he let's in that one person he helped online but they are followed by the bad guys.

Edit: middle aged

You can still be the guy selling chilli to the teenagers on a road trip before they head down the road and later find out where the meat for that chilli comes from.

The fact that this is the best thing about getting older, and therefore that nothing about getting older is better than this, paints a rather bleak picture of aging.

I'm the middle-aged guy you spy in the woods now and again. Folks say he's not crazy, but he always has a gun on him.

I think I'm the smartass who gets murdered 3rd.