Gender euphoria is a thing. And many trans people start with outlets such as ‘cross dressing’ before they even realize they are trans. Being aroused at wearing girly clothes doesn’t have to be just a kink. It certainly can be, but it getting aroused doesn’t mean you ‘aren’t trans’ or anything.

As for porn. I mean almost all porn is guy centric, and not all trans people change who they are attracted to.

All that said, there are lots of things you can do to explore your gender and find out how you really feel, so see what fits you!

In regards to the thinking it's a kink thing, I think you're probably just seeing the effects of gender euphoria. When I find clothes I really like, a boner often makes itself known, but it's not me lusting after a model. It's that I'm uncontrollably happy I have the freedom to wear it, and my body reacts accordingly. I generally see it more when I try them on rather than when I'm shopping, but it's akin to feeling sexy and being impossibly happy not suppressing that feeling.

When it comes to undies, the only reason I still wear panties is because they're fun colours, but also I threw out all my ratty boxers 😋

I still very much prefer porn targeted at men. I need the focus to be on the women because I get a visceral ick seeing men in porn due to my great dislike of the male figure, especially when they're trying to be sexy. I'm a girl who's into girls, and a lesbian's gotta lesbian.

Redistributing all your stat points into the "girly" options is something a lot of trans girls do early on, myself included, but it's just an overcorrection that you'll probably come back from when you find you don't enjoy some of the girly things like you thought you would. Some will likely stick, but a lot will not.

At the end of the day, you would be no less of a woman if you decided to essentially keep living as a man, but with some tweaks that carried over from the overcorrection phase. All options are valid ❤️

are you on HRT? this sounds a lot like my experience with the feelings of "boy horny" i used to struggle with before starting estrogen. like, i'd get turned on by exactly the same sort of things you mentioned, despite it making me very uncomfortable and hating every second of it. coming up on a year on E now and those feelings are gone, replaced by totally different triggers for arousal and feelings of "horny" which just feel deeply right in a way which is very hard to describe.

As others have mentioned, it's very common to feel arousal when looking at or trying on clothes that are affirming. I think its because experiencing gender euphoria is oftentimes mislabeled by our brains as arousal until we gain the reference points to be able to separate the two feelings. Essentially, its like "wow, this makes me feel good and have positive feelings about my body, that must just mean I'm horny". Regarding kink in general, I was just having a discussion with a friend about how it seems kink and sex positivity is very prevalent in trans communities because we are so used to a life that makes our bodies feel horrible, or makes io feel awful about our bodies, that we're hyperaware of and more willing to chase what makes them feel good.

Give it time, I'm sure you'll get it sorted out. You may find that, actually, it is just a kink and you dont want to pursue transitioning. You may find that it starts to make more sense the more you do it. That journey is all valid and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I know it may feel that way, but it's a result of the anti-trans propaganda that attempts to label us predators and perverts. There is nothing wrong with trying to find what makes you happy and comfortable.

Fuck, yeah, that's always a rough one.

Honestly, I really struggle with using women for porn, and porn happened to be how I came to recognize my desire to be a woman and enjoying women. You're allowed to recognize the exploitation of women in porn and that yeah, porn effects how we are socialized to view women. If you used it to cope, it's understandable to be conflicted over losing an easy relief. But we should recognize that yeah, the way you may subconsciously objectify women in porn is something you can empathize with, and so understand why we have to stop doing that to women. Nobody expects you to like, punish yourself if you do it, but yeah that discomfort can be a safe learning space for self-respect.

A lot of us can understand the confusion that also comes with that socialization. We really are taught that it is just a nasty kink, and that gets mixed up in the desire to be a woman, no matter what that means or where you have to go to safely fantasize about it. It is honestly sucks to have to process that as you start to see yourself as a person, and it's not gross to feel like you have to pretend it is some kink a little because it is overwhelming. You can trust that you won't need to do that as you grow into yourself.

As far as the male masturbator thing goes, that's totally valid if you do actually not want to use them anymore. Some people don't like it even if it feels good, because yeah, it may give them some dysphoria. That also doesn't mean it always has to give you dysphoria, maybe you'll find that you have fun being butch sometimes, who knows? Just keep track of whether it just feels good, or fulfilling.

a few days late, but i saw this short blog post by the wonderful Stained Glass Woman and thought of this post, you might find it helpful :)

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/awkward-feelings